No Regrets

I read all these affair stories and there all filled with such regret and a sense of loss, like ya'll dug yourself deep holes in the pit of your mind and can't climb out. Why don't I feel like that? In fact, I feel the opposite. The affairs I've had were like summer romances. Just short bursts of ecstasy spent between two people who shared a mutual feeling or impulse. Though in a lot of ways it was more than just that. I had real connections with those women. Deep connections. We've told each other things we have never told another living soul, just because of the fact we knew it was a short term relationship. An affair is about leaving your regret about something missed and gaining an experience you can share in your mind with that other person for the rest of your lives. I remember every one. Heather, Allison, Sam and Jacky. I remember their smell, their touch, their taste. I remember what they told me and the time we spent together. They impacted my life, not because I knew them, but because we shared ourselves together. There is a difference between a friendship and a physical relationship. Friendships come and go, but having something deeper last forever. I know if I see these women again, there will be a deeper connection between us and other people we've may have known longer. We may never be close friends, but what we do have goes deeper than just mere friendship.
jbeer944 jbeer944
36-40, M
4 Responses May 22, 2012

You don't feel bad because you're a selfish ******* who needs to be waterboarded.

Ive had an affair once. It lasted almost a year, off and on. But, i totally agree with you, it can be more than just sex. Mine was. And no, I'm not some cheating *****, but when i found out my Marine husband was cheating on me while i was pregnant, and continued to do so after i confronted him, i quit caring. I don't think its bad that you don't regret it, i don't regret mine either and normally I'm completely against cheating.

You do have very many valid points, sammyjohn, however you are misinformed on the circumstances surrounding these affairs. Please read my other stories of these women- these important people- who I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to spend a much too short a time with.

As for my spouce, I met her years after these events and are very happy. I've told her everything about my past and she stil married me. Yes, I'm a very lucky man having a woman like her love me.

I notice you never mention your (perhaps) blissfully unaware spouse or partner in that lovely prose. Do they know? Did you make vows of committment, fidelity, trust, sacrifice, and compromise with that person? How would they feel about these affairs? Would they be happy and sharing your joy? Do their feelings enter into the picture at all? If the answer is no, that they would be devasted by this behavior, which I think is the case for the vast, vast majority of the time then there's a real problem here. <br />
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There's two outcomes and they're are both ugly. Either the spouse never finds out and their life is unwittingly made fraudulent because a cruel hoax has perpetrated. What they believe isn't true. They are robbed of a chance to live the life they might have chosen if they had known the truth. Or there is exquisite pain that cuts to the quick. <br />
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You've come up with a wonderful justification for your behavior. I'm guess it leaves your conscience clear. I assume you hold certain ideas about yourself and your values (listed below)? Cognitive dissonance allows your brain have to come up with all sorts of plausibilities in order to smooth out blatant behavioral inconsistencies.<br />
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Do you see yourself as honesty caring, compassionate, trustworthy, able to make sacrifices, conscientious, capable of comprosmise, empathic, courageous and such? Because if you did and you can't see the huge contradiction by engaging in behaviors that are extraodinarily selfish, hurtful, dishonest decietful, and potential ruinous to others then you might want to think about that.<br />
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People feel regretful, remorseful, and full of guilt because they haven't woven such an elaborate narrative to reconcile their behaviors. They understand, at some point, the undeserved pain and hurt they inflicted on the one person, ostensibly, they were supposed to love most in the world. They realize the perverse irony of this. They recognize consequences as it relates to other real living breathing feeling human beings. The damage they've wrought. <br />
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All their conceptions about who they are don't match up with what they are doing and the facade starts to crack. <br />
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Imagine if everyone acted in a purely self interested manner. What would be the point? Life would become without any greater meaning.<br />
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As long as people find ways to justify selfish selfseeking behaviors that they know are hurting others, it will continue.

You make it sound sacred and deep. It seems rare to find a guy like you who can honestly say it was lasting impression not just a meaningless sex experience is really exciting to me; Not just a distant memory but a lasting deeper connection..