What To Do About My Affair??????

After my husband found out about my affair with our best friend he forgave and him and I have been working on our marriage. I have not seen or talked to my "BF" in while. I still think of him everyday and I miss him so much. I do have a lot of feelings for him still and I do know for a fact that if we end up with each other I would lose myself with him. I do love my husband, but I also love this man. But I know that my place is with my husband. I recently looked at my hold email account that I used to contact my "BF" with. We used this email to send pictures and messages and to let each other when we could meet up. Well, when i logged I was shocked to see that I had a bunch of emails from him. The emails where saying how much he misses me and how much he stilled wanted me and how he wish he could see me. What makes this really confusing to me is that he just had a new born baby. Im so confused. I don't know what to do. Should I contact him and tell him that i feel the same? Should I ignore everything and continue to work on my marriage? Or, should i contact him and tell him to leave me alone? I don't know what to do. I have to admit that I did feel special because after all this time of going without speaking, he still has some sort of feelings for me.
Mona1425 Mona1425
31-35, F
4 Responses Jun 4, 2012

I know its tempting to get back in touch with him but you know how it will go ..... you both will be back in your affair . He has a young baby now , he isnt being fair to his child or wife. I am in a similar position , affair with next door neighbour who was husbands best mate too, his wife caught us out , never been through so much heartache and never want to again, he went back to his wife, me to husband and we moved. Our affair lasted 12mths , deeply in love the usual scenario! He still texts me and calls , wants to be friends, doesnt want to actually meet up as he knows he wouldnt be able to stop himself. The fact he is contacting me is not helping me at all . Its been six months and life is still difficult within my marriage and for me mourning this man and what we had. Dont do it , ignore the emails , your flattered of course, accept you both will remain in each others hearts forever. If you were meant to be you would have been together before now. Men are selfish , i know that life for my man has probably settled right back down and he needs the contact with me to brighten up his day and have some fun. Its not worth it , it really isnt. Concentrate on you and your marriage. I cant believe my husband wants to try , it must be so difficult for him. Dont hurt yours again.

I understand your confusion and I'm sure reading those emails were heart wrenching happiness. You really need to make sure if you contact your mm you both need to be ready to be VERY honest with one another. Having feelings for someone is easy, committing...thats another story. If neither of you are willing to have more than an affair, I would say leave it alone and do not contact him. I know its hard because its nice to be in the fantasy. Its painful if you don't want more at this point. So I would be very careful about responding and think deep about what you would open up...Pandora's box...great analogy tashaserenity!!! Best of luck to you and remember think with your mind not heart...emotions are tricky ;)

ending an affair with someone you have feelings for is NEVER easy, but you have to decide what is best for you. If you have kids it is always best to have a family. Its hard trust me but in the end I think you will make the right decision for you

Hey<br />
I understand where you are coming from, it is possible to love two people at the same time which a lot of people don't understand. How did the relationship end? Was it abrupt?

After my husband found out we did continue to see each other but I ended it soon after. I was so confused about everything, especially not understanding why I was not feeling bad about seeing this man. So I stopped all communication and I haven't seen or spoke to him for a while

That's similar to me, his wife found out and we spoke to days later and called it off. We see each other at work so it is different to you and know he wants me back and I have a decision to make. I found that after it ended I was an absolute mess but I found writing a letter to him explaining everything that I was thinking really helped me. I didnt give him this letter as I knew we were both struggling with this being the end. I personally think that replying to him will start the ball rolling again as we can't just turn our feelings off. To this day I don't regret my ea with my mm but I have to decide whether I will regret giving him my heart back as I know the heart ache will be double than how it was when we first ended.
I really hope you find a way to find closure. If you need to talk I'm always here :) support of people who understand you and don't judge you i have found to be extremely helping right now as they can help guide you onto the right path.