Question To Those Who Survived Affairs And Started A New Life Together

My story is long and is posted on I am the other woman forum if you want to read...don't want to repeat. I will summarize. My MM and I were both married when we started our affair in 09, got caught a few weeks after we started, but got back together about 2 months after and were together ever since. Relationship grew...I left my husband (not for affair reasons...other reasons) last summer and mm and I became even closer. Talked about marriage, being together, moving in...and even talked about having a child. His wife found out in March and all I got from him was a text saying she knows...its over and don't look for me. She has been harassing me some and my separated husband gets harassed too. Its the wife because of info I have found out. Anyway...drama and stupid drama...I have 2 teenage children he has 3 children between the ages of 7 and 14. MM has completely distanced himself from me and refuses any contact. I tried to send a letter to him recently and he refused it. My question is who out there has been in similar situations but survived and went on to marry one another? My MM and I went through so much together I am having a hard time believing he would just disappear so coldly. I still have faith we will find one another again.

cantletgo09 cantletgo09
41-45, F
8 Responses Jun 7, 2012

You made the decision to leave your husband for MM, but too bad his decision was to stay and do the right thing for his family. You might not forget him as time goes by but at least the pain will lessen. You are stronger than you think. :)

A similiar situation just happened to me only 9 days ago. We were caught for a 2nd time. He called and told me he can't see me or talk to me ever again. Just 10 minutes before that call, we had been kissing and hugging and talking about being in our 90's and meeting in parking lots. I know its over, I knew I would be 2nd choice., but then I KNOW he loves me. I am still in the disbelief and hurt stage. I am so heartbroken, yet pushing myself to be busy. How are you doing?

Oh no I am soooo sorry!!! I wish I could give you a crystal ball...I have been looking for one myself. Its been almost 12 wks. for me and I still cry every day. 9 days...ugh thats a horrible place to be. I totally know how you feel and I am here to talk if you need it. I know I was searching for every thread and still do to analyze, find answers to, and just have someone who understands. I wish I could tell you each day gets better, thats what some tell me still...the time thing...but sorry time for me only reminds me of the distance each day brings. This is truly one of the hardest things to ever have to go through. I hate to sound like the grimm reaper but... time makes me miss him more.
I do have hope though and only you know your situation. You will get all kinds of advice on here. Just FYI. Remember you and only you are the one who knows truly what was between the two of you.
Have you posted your story? How long were you with your MM?

Thanks ChrissieG I hope things work out for you and your husband

Poor you. I can only comment from being in the same position as your MM. He is cutting contact with you to try to let you heal and also because he is trying to do the right thing by his family. I doubt that he feels 'cold' - he's probably tormented by it but he has made his decision and knows that by cutting contact things WILL heal over time. I am doing the same thing - it makes me feel awful and I miss my affair partner so much - but I can't destroy my husband and family/kids over it. Let him go with good grace and try to move on. In a while the pain will start to fade, but I know it is tough.

You hit it on the head - DRAMA<br />
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I believe an affair really should be a drama free zone if they are going to survive much over a year and end OK. So if you can end the drama - you can end this well or have a chance for it to come around again - off and on is not very good though. Right? I agree it is not easy to stop. Good luck!

wake up and smell the roses..... he has made his decision and it is not to be with you. best thing you can do is move on as fast as you can and if he does try to contact you again, send him packing...

The emails come from an anonymous source and they are different addresses each time...I know its her because of the content. They are only sent to my H. Yes I am still separated from H but talk to him daily, I told him I didn't want to hear about the emails anymore...he doesn't mention them anymore but told me last night he still gets them daily. I have friends that still work with mm and have told me she is known to be crazy and he is very unhappy at home always has been, but he has made his choice for now I know. I think things are just too complicated for any of us to think clearly right now. I know how he feels, but I also know he will not contact me as long as he thinks I'm still just separated. We both know that if we do reconnect it will have to be to finish what we started. I truly feel the only reason he stayed was because she not only threatened him with the kids, but I think he also is confused and tells himself its best. Its terrible because I know he does miss me and I now realize he hasn't contacted me because he is trying to let me heal. I told him so many times that being away will only make my heart hurt more not get better. He is afraid. He is afraid to leave her, afraid to start something new, afraid...

Have you ever considered the possibility that your MM was in a good marriage, just experiencing a lull at that moment and you swooped in and completely annihilated a happy, long term, relationship. YOU ARE A HOMEWRECKER!!!! You need to step up and accept responsibility for what you have done.

Don't ask for sympathy from me. I know you're type. You are a selfish ***** that destroys other peoples lives without feeling any guilt. You are a selfish *****! A Destroyer of families! OWN IT!!!!!

The good news is my little crisis woke my husband up from the spell he was under.
We are trying to work things out. My husband is not afraid to leave me, HE LOVES ME!!! So do not assume this man loves you. Men lie to women constantly. They don't just lie to their wives, they lie to their ***** as well. Another newsflash for you. I was never the one turning down sex in our relationship. NEVER! He stopped being intimate with me when he met the *****.

Just think you need a wake up call and hope this helps.

You need to acept responsibility for what you have done. You sound just like the ***** that was married to another man and decided to have an affair with my husband of 27 years. What a strange coincidence.

I'm sorry that you're usband has ED. That sucks, but it DOES NOT MAN THAT YOU CAN JUST BORROW someone else's husband to meet your sexual needs.

I don't know about MM's wife, but I an tell you that I , in fact, LOVE my husband. I have been trying to repair my marriage for over ten years. I recently overdosed, because I was at the end of my rope. I finally accepted that she was never going to let go of him.

I just couldn't endure the pain anymore. I opted for the easy way out.

It was devastating to our children. They forced me to stay locked in the mental ward at the hospital for 72 hours after my husband called an ambulance.

My pont is that what you and your MM have done is destroy an entire family with your selfishness.

I ave spent ten years trying to win back my husbands affection after she stole it from me.

If she is harrassing you block her email & change your email address or phone no . But why are you bothered about MM's wife harrassing your H when you have already left your H ? Your H can deal with it on his own ,it isn't your concern anymore . Soon she will get tired of it & move on , so will you .