Crisis Help... Hiding My Affair

I'm 26-years-old, and recently I cheated on my husband with a co-worker. It was late at night in our office break room. No one else was around, and he began to take off my clothes, and I took off his... We had sex, and it was a stupid mistake... one night of physical pleasure that has plagued me with guilt. I love my husband so much, but he doesn't know at all.

I can't live my marriage with dishonesty and I don't want to risk my husband finding out from someone else. I need to tell him... There's a new show that is offering to help married couples come clean if they have a secret. Some couples retreat program with licensed therapists. I'm going to try it because I don't want to lose my marriage.

I know there are a lot of women who are in the same boat as me. So far the people at this program have been really helpful. Here's their email marriage.crisis.help482 at g mail dot com

I love my husband so much, and I believe we can get through this.
beckyhart1985 beckyhart1985
26-30, F
16 Responses Jul 24, 2012

Ps you don't deserve to be married

You lied and cheated. You have to tell him, because he needs to know. It's only fair. He now has a pretty good reason to leave you and he SHOULD. If you truly regret what you did inform him and give him the choice of what he wants to do. He doesn't deserve to be with someone that ****** him over because she's a selfish ****.

yes just shhhhhhhhhhhhh.... dont say anything if u love him or ur doomed..

I wish you the best of luck, but I'm going to tell you that before you do anything, you need to really think about it. I know it sounds horrible but sometimes, the truth is best locked away in your heart. Once you tell your husband it can't be undone, and the reactions from that point are no longer under your control. He will never look at you the same way and odds are, he will bring this up to win any argument. Now I hope I'm wrong and you do work through this together but statistically the odds are against you. I wish you nothing but the best my dear :-)

girl friend, quit beating your self up over this,, don't say a word,, it will never be the same,, just relax keep it secret and enjoy the me temptation will be their especially as you get older,, bye ,, just let it go sweety,, ingrid

If you think its a live with it..don't make him...not judging I did to..I will never make it her burden..deny..deny.deny

You never take it to the grave, they always find out, one way or another, they always find out. Humans have incredible instincts, and your husband already knows something is off. Sure he may not be able to confirm what it is, but he knows something is off. So, my advice is to decide if you want to tell him, or for him to find out from another party. There is a much higher percentage of retaining a marriage if one confesses, versus discovery, when an affair has taken place. If you plan to divorce anyway, then don't tell him, spare him the pain. If you want to stay together, then I would bet on the fact he will find out anyway, and take your chances of divulging the truth. Your affair partner will likely tell someone, and they will tell someone...and it's a very small world. Don't be so naive to think people don't find out in this modern world.

If you tell him, he will never forget and it will never be cured .. If god kept the secret, you don't say it, but really ,, really stop it

Bury it. Let it go. We, as humans have the ability to put all the crap in our lives behind us in time. While it consumes you now, it will lessen over time. Add it to 'things that I regret in life' list and make a comittment to being married. If you seek drama, drama is what you will get.

Just one piece of advice. Break off your engagement. You're not ready for marriage.


I hope your screen name isnt your full name and birthdate... if you're trying to keep a secret thats not the way to go about it. Regarding secrets let me just say, people rarely take this kind of things to their graves, Even if they do it doesnt necessarily stay there. Think it over carefully.

I am telling you again, if you tell him, it will never be ok again. close it. never do it again.

Don't let any of us tell you what to do or what is right for you. Only you know what is best for you. If you feel that honesty is the best policy then by all means go ahead and confess to your husband. If not, and you feel that you can take your secret to the grave, then more power to you. Any decision you make is one that you can live with for the rest of your life, married or divorced.<br />
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Lastly one word of caution. It is obvious that you were powerfully attracted towards your co-worker otherwise you would not have had sex with him. I know that in this economic climate it is not easy to find another job, but the less contact you have with the OM (other man), the less the chance you have of a repeat performance with him. More so if the reason you allowed yourself to have sex with another man was because there are sexual intimacy issues in your marriage that are causing you to be sex starved by your husband. Confessing to your husband MAY just be the wake up call that he needs to see how vulnerable you've become and how he may have contributed to having you fallen for another man. The choice is yours of course, choose wisely.

Don't tell him ever and close that door.

They say what you don't know don't hurt but, honesty is a must in a marriage or else ur putting it at are u gonna manage to walk on eggs at home unless ur a pro hypocrite

The first time would be the time to stop it. Take it to the grave is the best advice. I have been with my MW for 11 years. We are both married and hate the time apart. Uour spouses think we are having an affiar but have no proof. Cheatting and lying gets harder as we go on together. But, we have kids and don't feel a divided home is best for them. So, get a grip as soon as you can, don't let it rip you apart. If it eats you up, you will be miserable and need a divorce.