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Something Is Wrong With Me

I didn't know he was married when we first started talking. I actually was talking to him and this other guy (both from work). It started out as friends, but I really started liking both of them so much. I liked this guy more. He was so funny and sweet.
I checked out his myspace (yeah, it was a few yrs ago) and it said he was married. I asked him about it. He said a friend of his made it, but that he's not married. I trusted him. Later on, someone from work told me he was married. Again, he denied it. Again, like an idiot, I believed him. We hadn't done anything at this point. Just texting. Occasionally hanging out and making out. But no sex.
Now, the second guy. He made it known he was crazy about me. We would hang out, watch TV, nothing serious. He found out from a friend of the first guys WIFE that he was indeed married. Once again, I asked. He denied it. I didn't believe him, finally.
I felt like the biggest idiot.
I finally started approaching things in a way which wanted to go romantic with the second guy. But he started dating someone else.
It was like I snapped. I have had horrible luck in the romance department. So I contacted the married guy. Invited him over and had sex with him in my bed. Afterwards, I felt filthy. He kept telling me things he thought I wanted to hear, but that just made me feel worse.
He said he loved me. That I made him feel things his wife didn't. Seriously, is there a handbook for people that tells them cliche things to say?
I kept it up. I let him think i cared about him, when really all I wanted was an ego boost. I let him think I loved him, but I really just didn't feel like finding anyone else. He wasn't too bad in bed.
I finally broke it off.
But I still feel bad for ever letting it happen.
Mostly for me. **** him. I'm sure he would have cheated on her without me being in his life. Despite his claims that I'm "special and made him see how happy he could be."
SmotherMe SmotherMe 26-30, F 2 Responses Sep 19, 2012

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The married guy just wanted another noch on his his bed post. Go find the other guy and fight for him. IF he is dating another woman,time for you to replace her.

Nobody is going to **** you full of happiness. That is not why that guy wanted to **** you. You cheapened yourself in search of a bit of attention. Learn from it, get over it. There is nothing wrong with you, just that loneliness can drive one into dark places.