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Never Thought I Would Be The Other Woman

I have been having an affair with a married man for 18 months now and he has just left, to live in a new city, thousands of kilometers away. I am devastated, relieved, confused, sad. So many feelings are going through my mind right now.
I am married with 2 beautiful girls and what started as a little fling soon took over my life in a way that has totally taken me by surprise. At the beginning, I was flattered that someone could look at me, want me and make me feel desirable again, especially after being married for 19 years. It soon turned into something more, something magical. I fell in love with that man. He gave me the butterflies back in my stomach, made me feel like a teenager again and I soon wanted to spend every minute of the day with him even if I wasn't allowed to.
The affair has been a roller coaster ride of emotions from feeling extreme guilt to being deliriously happy, stealing every moment or opportunities to be together. We have had the most perfect moments together in between breaking up because we couldn't cope with what we were doing to our families. The thing is that we both knew that what we were doing was wrong but could not keep away from each other. We tried many times over to say goodbye but found each other again. We went for marriage counseling but to not avail either.
I have questioned my feelings for this man many times over, is it lust, love, desire, what is it? I have come to realize that of course I am in love with him even though it's wrong. I never thought I would be this woman!!! I have become a deceitful, lying, 2 face person and I hate myself for doing this to my children, my husband, his wife and his children but I haven't been able to control myself. It has been pure and selfish desire and now he has left. He has put an end to what we had not been able to do for so long.
I love him and want the best for him, a part of me would like things to work out for him and his wife and another part of me would like to know that he will come back to me. I am so confused about what I want out of life right now. I still feel that I'm in love with my husband. I could never willingly try and hurt him because our marriage is not that bad. What he doesn't know might not hurt him as much as the truth. I am an emotional wreck right now and so confused about my life and my feelings for my husband and for my lover. Maybe it's all for the best now that he has left so that we can start our lives again with our spouse. I feel totally exhausted but I am the only one to blame. I have brought it upon myself. I will never ever judge someone now for having an affair. I have been there and understand it even though it's wrong. I will never choose to do it again. It's not for the faint hearted but I would never swap my incredibly memories with my lover for anything.
kikinette kikinette 36-40 5 Responses Nov 26, 2012

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did you realise you're also cheating on your children . Let's hope they never find out you didn't love them enough or your sex life was more important than them .
Not a great mum in my eyes.

Sammy7000, you don't have to understand but don't judge. I never thought I would be that person but i am. I'm not proud of what I have done or doing. Like I say, it's really complicated. From the sound of things, you are in a great relationship and I am happy for you.

We also live in a small town which complicated things a lot and the fear of being caught was extreme but exciting at the same time (if that makes sense!!!). I think nothing makes sense when you have an affair, it's all wrong but somehow feels right as well. It's confusing to say the least. I'm happy that you have found love again with your spouse and I wish the same for me. Right now, however, it's still so raw for me that I wish I was still in his arm. I hope the feeling will pass. I'm not quite sure how to pick things up from here but taking baby step at a time, one day at a time. The hardest for me is to not cry in front of my husband because of my loss, how could I explain? So I try and put a brave smile of my face and carry on!!!!

Just take one day at a time and move on. Some times is hard not having a lover. But the complicating is you need to move on find another lover.

Wow, I am a man that just went through a torrid 1 year affair with a beautiful exciting women and I feel exactly like you! It started as just sex, very exciting and fun, but it was just physical for the first 5-6 months. After we went on a couple of real dates, over night trips, dinners, talked more, shared more of our lives with each other I really fell deeply in love with this amazing women and her with me. We continued until last month when she got scared of getting caught (we live in a small town and getting caught would be a major scandal) and called it off. I didn't realize how hard this would be on me, I feel like a love sick teenager, I still can't get her off my mind.
Like you I know it was wrong, but it was an amazing, wonderful experience that I wouldn't change for anything, I loved our time together. My marriage was in horrible shape long before this affair, my lover showed me what love could be and should be, I have talked with my wife and told her I wanted to be a better husband and man for her, and that I would do what ever it took to make our marriage better. I told her if it didn't improve though, I needed to leave, I won't live in a loveless, angry house for the next 30 years. She has really responded and we have actually rekindled our love for each other, and have had more sex in the past month then we had in the last 2 years! I know an affair isn't a traditional way to improve your marriage, and I'm not recommending it, but for us, I believe it saved ours.

FU you sactimonious ***! Are you here to share in people's experiences or just pass judgement? I'm not proud of my actions in the affair, but I'm human and what I wrote is the truth of my experience, if you don't like it like I said before F.U.!

If your married lover moved away then time for you to find another lover