Acting 15

I had a two year affair that was pure ecstasy and turned into real true love. I got caught. I tried to break it off and to recommit to my wife of 12 years because I found out that she loved me a lot more deeply and unconditionally than I had previously believed. BUT, the pain of the loss of my OW ate me alive and it called my name and the affair reiginited...a nightmare 5 months of insanity and confusion followed as my heart was a ping pong ball. Mature love (my wife and daughter) were calling me back to my perfectly acceptable marriage and loving but heartbroken wife and then WHAM... passion, lust, jealousy and this feeling of confinement nagged at me, my OW was divorcing and had a restraining order on her husband (so she was free to "move on" and date and there was a real risk that she would tire of my indecisiveness). Neither my wife nor my OW will ever be without suitors...they are both stunningly attractive, well educated and charming...however, the chemistry with my OW was other wordly. Anyway, here is a word of caution....if u get caught before u r ready to make a final decision, u might just lose BOTH...things can get so confused and twisted when anyway you turn you know you are gonna destroy someone's heart...if u r a kind hearted person..then this scenario will blow YOUR heart into shreds of burning paper. I finally formally committed to my wife in counselling by agreeing to a "marital contract" that stated I was to call my OW with my wife on the line and tell her that I was committed to my wife and would not contact my OW ever again. That lasted 45 days, I could not stop thinking of my OW, the pressure built inside of me and then in a frenzy of actions I burst and hurriedly asked for a separation from my wife so that I could move out and chase my "true love" who had promised me eternal love and "feels that she will always be a part of my life".....well, to my great dismay my OW was not receptive to revisiting our relationship at the level it was 45 days prior and in fact really did no seem to want to talk to me at all. Over time I learned that at the very moment I was pinning for her and leaving my wife, my OW had moved on. In fact, within those 45 days of silence, she had met someone and was comfortable enough with him to fly to another country and stay at a 5 star hotel for 5 days. When I found that out...well..let's just say that Dante's description of Hell sounded like a nice vacation resort. I have been grieving that loss coupled with the loss of my wife and the changes in my daughters life for a solid 5 months...I just recently started dating after 6 months of no sex OW (I did go on one date with her before I knew about her trip with her new mystery man, after that I did still love her but I hated her at the same time)......Fast forward and I have slept with 4 women over the last 30 days even though I am still not emotionally available on any lasting level (losing myself in other women's arm seems like the only way to validate that I am romantically valuable and viable and not a total worthless idiot a#$@#@# and I have to admit this is the only experience that has helped)...romantics like me..we fall very hard. I don't want to be a playboy....I was in love... and I wasn't even unhappy being married before I had the affair. Now I am on two dating sites, I go out like I did when I was an undergrad and grad student..Thurs, Friday, Saturday, I drink like a fish, and I literally charm the pants off of woman at a continually increasing speed and quantity, and it is mostly emptiness as all of these lost souls bump into each other for solace. So all of this deliberation I read about and I have myself written regarding whether it is gonna be the spouse or the lover that you pick...well sometimes the outcome is in fact the worst case scenario and if u r not strong enough...I can see how it could damn near kill a person.

The trouble is bhatjc I'd LOVE him to do that - just the same way he wants it - we're only not because he can't cope with the guilt. But the daily contact is killing me and there's nothing I can do about it. At least we have a couple of weeks off from each other over Christmas - maybe I'll be able to get him out of my head!!!! Or maybe I'll just carry on hoping that every time my phone goes it's him!!! Which it probably will be at least some of the time as we do still text each other - I know, it's not sensible but.........

Thanks guys - I guess we just have to learn to work with each other every day without falling back into each others arms. aces4battle I hear what you're saying but I broke what is probably rule 2 and fell in love with him!! Cheetah911 you're right - it was very sweet but I don't intend to find myself in this situation again - it hurts too much.
And thanks all for confirming what I thought which is that I shouldn't tell my husband. I guess I'll just have to spend the next few months feeling like a **** for having done it :-(

rule 1, never kiss and tell. think about what you gain from your lover if he was available, and what you lose from your husband. Sex is fine but does not cover all our needs like shelter, food, money and a social life.
With my mistress, I have to be discreet around people, friends and clubs. that is not fun but when I am out of town we don't look around the corner, we just do it all.

I'm going though the samething with a old college friend, We've always had something that was hard to explain , last time my husband found out we were talking he went nut .. The good thing me an the other guy have a long distance relationship , so my husband can't kill him just freak out on me

You will get over him but it won't happen until you are completely ready to do so. You can't want it over one day and then be right back in bed the next.

My advice would be to NOT EVER tell your husband, unless you got caught. No need to bring unneeed drama into your marriage. The real problem could be that you have tasted the forbiden fruit and it is pretty sweet, and tastes and feels amazing