Traded Up

When it comes to having an affair (an actual affair, not a consensual situation with your wife) everyone I know that's had one knows the marriage was broken before the affair.

For me I was married too young. I was 23 and married a woman I'd known for 3 years after dating for 6 months. It all happened fast, but that's the culture I grew up in as a Mormon. One of my brothers was married after just 2 months of dating and they've been together 10+ years now with 4 great kids, so that's what I was hoping for.

Unfortunately, I chose poorly.

The marriage was obviously broken by 6 months. I tried to fix it... we went to counseling, which ended when she thought everything was ok (she suffered from depression like symptoms, though never completely diagnosed). We moved back to her home town so she could be near her friends and family. I changed my major in college to something she liked better... on and on. After three years it wasn't getting better.

Then there was the mismatched sex drive and my fighting my bi-sexuality. Of course as a Mormon, homosexual activities are a big sin. (Don't interpret me as anti-Mormon, I'm still have very favorable feelings toward the religion, though I no longer actively practice and was ex-communicated). I had been sexual 'active' since I was about 14 with ************ and various activities with my girlfriends. I managed to never have sex, and never get a blow job until I was married... check that... even after being married I hadn't received a blow job. Sex was just such a no no for her. We didn't even really have sex on our wedding night!

So... being in Portland I had a lot of built up sexual desire, and a lot of opportunities to release those desires into real activities. There are dozens of Adult Book Stores and Lingerie Modeling stores in Portland, and I started exploring. It took a while, and I didn't really know what was going on all the time. I was scared to actually have contact with another man or woman sexually.

Finally I broke down and went to an ABS with 'Buddy Booths'. I didn't fully understand what was going on yet. I was so nervous walking in the store what people would think if they saw me. I didn't want anyone I knew to see me, so I hurried to the back of the store where the arcade was and shut myself up in the booth. I put my money in and then hit the open button on the buddy booth. No one was in the booth next door, so I was just watching the **** and stroking myself without really thinking about it. I have no idea how long the window had been cleared, but I was startled when I looked back to the window and saw another man in the room next door stroking his **** and watching me... the sudden anxiety and sense of doing something wrong and how turned on I was combined into a seriously powerful ****** and I shot my *** across the small room and hit the window. The man next door had a huge smile on his face and touched the window on his side as though he wanted my ***. I cleaned up so quickly and rushed out of the store. So much adrenaline was rushing through my body, and I promised myself never to go back again.

Well... that didn't last. Over the next few months I went more and more. I checked out different places and eventually ended up in a Taboo Video and discovered my first glory hole. I did my typical rush into the store and past all the guys lined up in the hallways and into my booth and dropped in the money. I got myself going before noticing a beautiful hard **** coming through the wall... Holy ****!! I'd not touched another person sexually yet, but I couldn't stop myself. I started stroking the ****, wiping off his pre-*** and tasting it... I hadn't worked up the courage to take a **** in my mouth, especially since this was the first touch. He must have not liked what I was doing (probably wanted head) and left. I then traded booths and found another glory hole. The guy in the room next door wasn't really interacting with me, but I worked up the nerve to put my arm through the hole and grab his *** and massage it. He didn't object, so I found my way to his hole and discovered it nicely lubricated. I slipped my finger in while stroking myself, and the warm wet tightness on my finger instantly transferred to my **** and I could imagine what it must feel like... my load was on the floor in no time. I cleaned up and rushed out and again promised to never go back.

I managed to go weeks without any more indiscretions and we moved to the other side of town. In Portland, the South east area around Division and 102nd has an adult store every three or four blocks... and that's where we moved. Here's where I found my first Lingerie Modelling store. Basically, you **********, she strips and works you over for more money. I tried it a few times, but couldn't spend the money with a clean conscious, plus I'm not good at figuring out the lines and am a bit uncomfortable paying for any kind of sexual behavior, so I found my way back to the book stores.

That's when I got my first blow job... I walked in to the store and headed for a glory hole booth. I remember the look in the guys eye when I walked by. He had a shaved head and goatee and wore hipster glasses. He was obviously excited to see me walk to a glory hole booth. He went in next door and then I saw his face in the whole. This was it... this was another stepping stone for me on my way down. I brought my **** to the whole, pushed it past his lips, and within about a minute I was *******... he pulled off my **** when I started *******, and I felt the cold air on my hard **** as it twitched and **********. God that first blow job was amazing... but of course I vowed never to go back, never to cheat again.

Eventually I was going two or three times a week. I finally sucked on a **** myself and even ****** a man (with a condom) through the glory hole. Around this time is when I met the other woman. Still I've only been with 3 women in my life... she was my second. That affair is where I finally was caught. What we discovered together though was so amazing that I couldn't leave it.

I was careless with my email and forgot my laptop at home one day. I was at work and my wife called me and told me she found it. I actually was able to convince her that it was just emails, and not physical. I was still thinking I needed to save my marriage. It was supposed to be forever. That's where I was supposed to be. About a week later she discovered another email (I don't know how, I had been pretty thorough about deleting everything, and she's not the most computer savvy lady). This email was more obvious and made it apparent we were having sex.

That's when it all happened. Months of roller coasters, therapy, meetings with our bishop (pastor), family, etc. Finally I realized the marriage was just broken, and I was completely empty emotionally, spiritually and physically. I found the strength to divorce my wife. I left the marriage because it was broken, not for another woman. At the time of the separation I was single. A few months later Jess and I started dating again. We've been together for five years now and it is absolutely the best decision and change I have ever made in my life.

I don't advocate an affair. If I could do it again I would have divorced first, then explored sexually and found my love, but this is the way it happened. Despite all the pain, all the expense, all the legal crap... I would still find a way to this relationship.

Thanks for making to the end of the rambling and reminiscing... feel free to hit me up to discuss anything about the story. I've talked with a few of my friends since then that are in similar situations. I wish I had someone that I could have talked to, so I try to provide that for others.
quiedahc quiedahc
31-35, M
Dec 14, 2012