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Torn.

I am married, and earlier this year, I began a deep romantic relationship with an older single man that I cannot seem to let go of. Firstly, this relationship was not an affair. An affair by term, is where you escape to when you are running away from your spouse. I by no means ran away from my husband. He is well aware of my feeling for this other man as well as my feelings for him. I am a very honest human being and take pride in it. This however, does not mean that my extra-marital relationship did or does not continue to hurts us all emotionally.

In my story, I fell in love with another man and continued to love my husband. After realizing what I love about each man, I understood that I had developed a sense of wholeness from the wonderful men they both are. We live in a monogamous society, which I agree with, yet our emotions will never settle on one human being-unless we can let go of desires and learn to love ourselves first. I still struggle with this. I have come to understand that I do not need a man to provide me with emotion, but find it difficult to toss away the bliss of companionship. I have acquired a wealth of emotional wisdom throughout all this and know my husband and boyfriend have grown from this experience as well. Sometimes we can't have all the wonderful feelings without being hurt to attain them. Sometimes before you smile you've got to cry.

Although I cannot provide a conclusion to the story of my complicated relationships, I hope that whoever is going through the same sort of situation can find comfort in this post as I find 99% of what I've found online are bitter spouses that have been cheated on plotting verbal revenge on complete strangers that have had 'affairs' with married men and are seeking solace, when these people are unaware that emotional relationships outside the marriage (or love triangles) hurt EVERYONE, and if you are going through one an are fortunate to be bright enough, it is the wealthiest experience your heart will ever earn.
TheOldSoul TheOldSoul 26-30, F 4 Responses Dec 19, 2012

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" I have acquired a wealth of emotional wisdom throughout all this and know my husband and boyfriend have grown from this experience as well." Absurd!! Don't hurt anybody, but again, its your life!

I am so totally torn.. i keep getting caught by my husband whenever i contact my lover. Then for some time i dont talk to my lover and go back to being a "good wife". Time and again i become weak and feel desperate to talk to my love. I dont want to cheat / hurt / upset anyone. I dont wanna break my marriage over someone else too, esp since my husband loves me despite knowing i cheated. Yet i feel so much love with my lover.
I have no clue when will i stop being TORN, coz i love my husband but am in love with someone else too.

You don't love your husband. Why he would love you I have no idea.

I do love my husband. That's the only reason I'm still with him & have no intentions to leave him ever.

Interesting that you consider yourself "brght enough" to have managed to be loved by two men, one your husband who knows about the other man...but you don't say how the "other man" feels about your spouse etc. Without knowing more it's difficult to assess how bright you are to have managed this arrangement....all three of you must be getting something out of it to stay in it...but I doubt it's because you are bright enough...I would venture to say opportunistic to have two men who settle for less that full love and devotion.

Thank You,,, Well put and I agree.It can be very difficult to come to terms with, I think because of how we are programmed to think,but once freed from those constraints it;s a diifferent view of relationships.