Was Figured Out By Other Party's Partner; Guilt Is Eating Me Up Inside

So today the sh** hit the fan, as they say. I feel terrible for the heartache I caused to the other person, even admitedly I wasn't really considering his feelings before I got involved with his partner.

First of all let me start off by saying that lately I have discovered my interest in people of the same sex. Last spring I fell for a guy I was training with at the gym, and also not only was he taken but he and his partner were also raising a child. I knew that we didn't stand a chance but I couldn't control my emotions either. I never clearly spoke up to him about it, but one thing led to another and he must've figured me out and he rejected me in the worst possible way by making threats and not even caring to talk it through like civilized people.

About a month or so ago comes this new person. He is fun and enjoyable to be with and a great friend, but after losing the one person he actually did love and was completely faithful too, he could never fully be just with one person. So it goes without saying that I was not the first person he slept with while he was with his current, now ex partner I guess.

I couldn't help but be lured in to the way that he pursued me. He already expressed his interest, or attraction if you will the second time we met up. Ever since then he pursued me until I finally could not oblige anymore and we ended up getting intimate twice. While all this happened, he kept telling me that what was going on between us was not just a random hook up, but what was it exactly we never actually touched on.

So his "partner" ended up reading our facebook chat messages today while we talked about our moments together. He forgot to log off of his facebook account and his partner read it, and ended up leaving their place taking their dog with him.

We met up for coffee tonight and he assured me that he doesn't blame me for anything, even though I kept arguing that I am just as responsible. We concluded that we just need to go with the flow as far as we are concerned, continue just hanging out and spending together like we have been all this time, maybe even be intimate while we are at it, and maybe if we feel that there's something deeper then we'll act on it. What I'm afraid of is that first of all, their break up just happened and is still fresh, and if maybe time goes by and he begins to feel miserable with his current life he might start blaming me for it.

If however he decides he does want to be with me there are other problems as well. First of all, very few ppl around me know about my current sexual preferences and that is not including my family. So if we do end up together in an actual relationship I'm going to have to open up completely and I don't know if I am ready to open up completely and take all the critisism, yelling and hitting, and hateful words and actions that will come with it.

I know that my situation is very complicated but if any one has some insight or advice to give me, it will be greatly appreciated.
georget26 georget26
26-30, M
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

It was the other mans decision to have an affair with you. If you are not in a committed relationship is it really up to you to decide what the other man does? The question of coming out to your friends and family about your sexuality - that I cannot advise you on, only you can know what to do for the best, but honesty is usually the best policy - or don't say, just do and don't bother justifying it. You are who you are.

First off, you shouldn't think hitting is ok in a relationship. If the person has no respect for you, then something needs to change.

No I'm sorry I wasn't clear about what I meant. When I mentioned hitting I mentioned the hitting I'm going to recieve from my family if they take it that bad and they decide to relieve physical anger on me.

Ahh. Gotcha. Well If someone truly cares about you, they will accept you as you are. They may get mad and scream or holler in frustration, but should still accept you.