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How Do I Get Over An Affair When I Never Wanted It to End?

well I have been married for one year now and my husband and I have one son together he is 22months. I met a man at my daycare providers house. He is her brother inlaw. We started texting alittle and he messaged my on my myspace page and then thats when it all started. He would go over to the babysitters to see me and hang out with my while i was there. His sister inlaw started to suspect things and so we had to mellow it out. We started finding other ways to see eachother and talk to eachother. we texted all day long and would talk late at night. I would go to his house on tuesday mornings. I could only go to his house on certin days and times because he lived with his other brother. We had sex and it was so great. He made me feel so wonderful and i could be myself with him. I enojoyed every second i spent with him. It got to the point recently were i really wanted to be with him more and we couldn't because people may see us. It got really hard for the both of us. So we decided to end the relationship. I didn't want to, but it really was starting to get hard. I still care alot about him and I know he cares alot about me because he still calls me and texts me. I told my husband about me seeing someone else but not that we had sex. He doesn't want to end our marriage at all, but i'm not sure if i want to be with him anymore. Should I get over this guy and fix my marriage or should I follow my gut and end it and be with this guy? If i leave i will have nothing no place to live or anything... I don't know what to do?????

lostinlust lostinlust 18-21, F 88 Responses Aug 9, 2008

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my husband was always cheating on me and even spends nights out. sometimes he even leave for the entire week end, pretending that he has work, but i know he just go meet women, my life was lame until
i asked robinsonbuckler@yahoo. com to cast a spell for me. so that my husband can be a good man and after his spell, my husband changed automatically, he now spends much more time with me and the kids and we're a family again

I want to thank Prophet Solomon, the spell caster that has brought back joy and happiness into my life after i saw a post on how he helped a lady called Cassie,i decided to contact him for help when i told this Godsent man Prophet solomon on how my lover left me for 3 years without calling or texting ,When i shared this my sad experience with Prophet Solomon, he said everything would be okay within 36 hours , at first i laughed and was skeptical but on a second thought i decided to give it a try and what even surprised me the most at first i thought he was a scam, i thought he was like other spell caster who came online to add pain to peoples pain not knowing their feelings but to make money,But this great man Prophet solomon is not like them, he is all about helping people get their lovers back and make people to be happy with the one they love,Am just so happy,Even before the 36 hours i just got a call from a man who has left me for 3 years saying he's sorry and that he wants me back to his life i was so happy,He invited me for a dinner which i met him there and we both talked and he said he would never leave me for any other lady, he is now more open with me, am so happy all thanks goes to this great man prophet solomon, a man who has brought back joy to my life,Please friends that needs help i would advice and swear that prophet Solomon is the right man and not those fake ones who are online to make money and not to help here is Prophet Solomon's private mail prophetsolomonenoma@hotmail.com. I can assure you that he can solve whatever problem you might be facing in life

You are exactly what you named yourself. LOSTINLUST.
My advice is to STOP being a self centered IDIOT. When you got married you looked into your husbands eyes and promised to love him for better or worse, in sickness and in health until DEATH do you part. You have a son.

Look at yourself in the mirror. Did you want to grow up to be a lying cheating *****. I would guess not.

You are lucky if your husband still wants you even if he doesn’t know about the sex.

Think about how you are going to live with yourself if you divorce, because I will GUARANTEE that this new relationship is NOT going to work out. And when you finally wake up you will have LOST EVERYTHING.

Wake up, before it’s too late.

I feel sorry for you because you are as low as a person can get. Cheating on your spouse is one of the most harmful things you can do to another person. And you are doing it to the two people who LOVE YOU the most in the world.

YOU DO NOT DESERVE YOUR HUSBAND!

Get your head out of your *** and do the right thing.

You have a child. Seriously. What are you doing. Stop.

Cut off all means of communication ...

I would like to share my success and my joy with you all reading this testimony. My husband decided to stay with me, and I know it is dr.marnish's work which has achieved this miracle for me
Thanks to dr.marnish@yahoo.com i am also glad to give out his number +15036626930 for those in need of help to consult him personaly, i thank him from the bottom of my heart.
Ashley williams

my best friend was having an affair he was with her and her husband came home grabbed a knife and killed him 5 kids now without a father are all of you that stupid that you don't realize that most of you are just losers grow up 5 kids without a father one in jail and one dead oh and the women who had the affair cant handled raising the kids alone no kidding people that have affairs are not that bright all of the people on this site are losers if you are having an affair just tell your spouse and move on remember look at yourself stop being a cowered I guess I demand more from a person remember the person you are sleeping with is a loser just like you because to sleep with a marred person you really not a good person so when you say he said he loves me and he knows your married he is just trying to get on top of you and I guess you all are to uneducated to realize there is nothing wrong with falling out of love and moving on just remember what they teach you in preschool do on to others as you would want done to you pretty easy even the dumb of dumb can understand.please please please all of you see some professional help before more people get hurt and killed I don't need my family to get hurt because a stray bullet. The women who say the men there having a affaire with are bad boys or alcoholics that makes you worse just please get help

Well, my story is like all others, beautiful, magical and electrifying. A boy I loved 24 years ago looked me up in 2011 (after breaking up with his gf at the time-because there was something missing in his life). Hearing his voice on May 3, asking a question only I would have known the answer to, we began a whirlwind romance, rekindling that fire we had a kids now a raging inferno as adults. Then, reality comes along and throws its shroud over us. His ex developed cancer. He did the wonderful loving thing, moved back in with her to take care of her. That was November 2011 and he is still there. Promising nothing has happened, nothing is going on. But recently, he let me know that its difficult breaking apart again, as there was no one at fault during their initial break up. I miss the future we used to talk about, how I could feel his love over the distance. We talk all day via text and phone calls, but I just miss that initial feeling. I don't know what to do. I have been completely true to him. I am just looking for answers. Not sure if the obvious is the necessary step or to still follow my heart ignoring my head AND my friends.

try to think about what made you fall for your husband in the first place...is he your best friend? that is key in finding out the path you need to take in your marriage...think about this carefully...this does not only involve your comfort zone, but your husband has feelings as a human being as well and you need to think about how he feels also. best wishes,

Don't leave pray that you get stronger...because you will only have passion you need stability for your children. If I could start over I would've never had an affair. It's taking forever to break the bond the fantasy behind it makes it worst seem more real or legit than it is cut it off but trust I know how you feel

I'm hurting so bad...my husband struggled with intimacy married 20 years 3 kids teens now one in college. So I left got in touch with a old crush from high school we made love I felt like I had died... The ****** that came out of me was magical. This man held me for nights and days we madelovefor hours sometimes we wouldn't even eat. I was so thirsty for love,affection,for intimacy. He gave me all of that but he didn't have anything else. I'm a housewife I'm educated a smart woman but I chose my husband and our children over a career. If I left I would lose retirement,our rental property and our family heritage. The other man is an alcoholic so sweet and kind but when he is drunk it's a hot mess. I'm stuck n limbo I want to feel all of him inside me I crave his touch, kiss,his passion is amazing.......he says I love you I melt. I've never felt passion like this ever. I never knew sex could be so deep and full. I was married for 20 years I had no idea I could feel this way help

I'm in the same situation......I love this other man but he isn't for me a x con.....no license,owes child support,hustler I car, no real job. No money no nothing but he makes me feel good. I want my marriage back I gotta get over this man. He loved in a way that was pure or was it just pure manipulation...I'm hurt sad confused angry.....it's my fault falling in love with a dream oh yea he's an alcoholic too somebody pray for me

wow, what’s the word I’m lookin’ for............STUPID! Look at how you described this man. Do you really think that a relationship will last with this loser. REALLY,
get your head out of your *** and pray that your husband still wants you.
On top of STUPID, YOU ARE A LIAR AND A CHEATER. You are marked as that now, if not to anyone but yourself. You truly need some serious help. Good Luck!

I am a 24 years old women, who was in a relationship for six years. I met my boyfriend when I was 17, and then got pregant when I was 18. I don't ever regret it, my son is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. But we were young and were very different from the start, but I love him. He was my first real love, my first committed relationship. I thought the issues we had were normal and would get better. Fast forward to last year. My boyfriend and I are very unhappy, we had broken up for a few months, and in that time he slept with someone else and had an on going relationship with her. Even though we were broken up, I felt, idk wrong about it. I felt insecure and hurt. I got so I started taking diet pills and not eating or sleeping. All the time my boyfriend couldn't even see my pain, and he still texted this girl every now and them and still had her on his Facebook. I work in a garage selling tired. There was a guy, a mechanic who I used to be friends with awhile ago. So he asked me out on a date, of course I said no, I have a boyfriend. But he didn't give up, he pushed harder, said he cared about me. Said he was so attracted to me, and yes I was attracted to him as well. There was such a strong physical attraction, I had never felt that before. All he had to do was walk by me and I'd go crazy. He texted me everyday, and I started to lean on him as a friend. I loved talking to someone when my boyfriend didn't want to talk at all. So friendship became a hug here and there, then a kiss then well, you can guess where it went. It was amazing, he did everything right, made me feel beautiful and sexy, it was the greatest, most passionate sex, I've ever had. Afterwards though, I felt awful. I lost so much weight you could see my entire spine and the bones in my back. My boyfriend still treated me like crap, and even though I am an outspoken person, I'd just take it because I felt I deserved it. So it became a cycle. I'd feel terrible at home, then go see this guy and he'd make me feel wonderful. But a few into it, I couldn't do it, I felt like a horrible person, I felt dirty. I left my boyfriend. And of course the other guy got closer to me, told me he cared, wanted it to go somewhere. I panicked and ran back to my boyfriend and hurt the other guy. Not even back two weeks things got bad again. And this guy came back around, but I couldn't do it, I couldn't live that way. I dedicated myself to my boyfriend for seven months I stayed with him, loved him. But I wasn't happy. So eventually I left. I didn't see the other guy though. It wasn't a choice between two guys, it was a choice for me, to be happy. I still think about the other guy, I still work with him, but I don't say anything about it to him, he doesn't even know I left. I realized it didn't matter if I cared about him, or him me. I can't enter into a relationship with someone that evolved touch pain and lies. I won't do it. There is still a longing there sometimes, but it doesn't hurt anymore. I am happy finding myself, taking care of my son and just living one day at a time. So do what makes you happy, try not to have fear. I feared leaving my boyfriend, but he didn't give me what I truly needed or I would have never cheated. If you and this other guy are meant to be, it will. If not you will move on and believe me, find someone else and be happy.

My mouth is full of testimonies, Am miss PRECIOUS E my husband left the home for two years to south Africa for a tourist, where he meant this prostitute and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called Dr Abulu and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 3 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband.. Dr Abulu of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo com

I and my boy friend as been separated for a long period, I cam across different spell caster and they were all unable to bring my lover back. I was so sad and almost gave up on him when i met a spell man Dr Atingo that helped me get my lover back. Ever since then i have been so happy and couldn't believe it would happen. He also helped me with success spell, I have been living happily with my lover now and will be getting married soon. Here is his contact if you need his help atingospiritualtemple@live. com

As a man I am wondering if u can give me some advice... I've been in an affair with my husbands friend for 8 months. He persued me and we hit it off right away. 4 months into it he told me he had feelings for me. And things were fine. 3 months later he told me he was in love with me. We are both married so I just put it in the back of my head. We went from sex once a month to once a week by nov. Now just a week ago he called it off said it was wrong and he was stopping. Guess my question is. Is he really or will he come back to me. I miss him so much and will see him once a.week cuz he comes over. He still text me everyday. Except now cuz he is on vacation with his family. What are your thoughts on this relationship are we done????

I had an affair with the most gorgeous man I've ever seen. I drooled over him for three years before we actually got together. AND IT WAS NOT WORTH IT! For one, I am married with children. Also, he has a longtime girlfriend/wife (not sure what she is to him). So, basically, he was just using me, which really hurts because I was so in love with him. And, I hurt my husband so badly. It's not something I can fully make up to him. My advice: DON'T DO IT!

I am in a similar position to some of you guys. My best friend met his girlfriend whilst we were on a night out. I thought she was beautiful and it was me who talked to her all night. I wasn't trying anything as I was a married man. We just spoke about all sorts. I urged my single friend to get her number, which he did and they have been dating since. She has 2 beautiful girls from her husband who cheated on and left her. We have always talked lots over the last couple of years, mainly texts. We would share problems and advice with each other, laugh and joke. About 3 months ago the texting became flirty. We both admitted we had feelings for each other and that we knew something would happen between us. It did, we met up a couple if times and got intimate but no sex. She then felt guilty and was hot or cold on a daily basis so I ended it. We still kept in touch via text and the odd call which was nice but not like before. Then she found out her bf had cheated on her. I was the first person she called for advice and comfort. She stayed with her bf. a few days later she called me and it was just like old times. We flirted and decided to meet the next evening. We did and got intimate again. She called and texted me every day over the next few days whenever she could. Then just stopped! 1 or 2 texts per day. We had arranged to meet but she came up with lots if excuses why she couldn't. This is what she had done before. I ended it again and called her a liar. Then she called crying last night saying she wasn't and that she wanted to go back to the start. I said I couldn't do that and told her I had no feelings for her and that she should get on with her life. The truth is I want her so much. Today I have decided to end my marriage. My wife is a great person who doesn't deserve this.

An update to my situation. If anyone has and advice or ideas I would love to hear them.
We got in contact again last Friday. She told me she was peed off with me. 9 out if 10. I tried to make her laugh all day via texts. On the Saturday my wife and I met her and her partner us some other friends for drinks. After a few she and I were talking as much as we could, touching etc. we both said we should make more effort and wanted to carry on. We managed to steal a kiss, just before her boyfriend walked around the corner. He went mad that we were alone. He has been suspicious since she told me about his affair but in reality this was him trying to deflect the attention for what he had done away from his cheating. He stormed out. She came back to the hotel and stayed with my wife and I. He came back later. Still angry. They both left early in the morning. He sent me a text saying I was too close to his girlfriend and I should only communicate with him, not her. I haven't heard from her since. She has a habit of backing off then gets in touch a few days later but I'm not sure this time. I sent her a text this morning but have had no reply. That isn't unusual though. I would like some advice on how you think she is feeling. Do you think she is scared? It's obvious we have feelings for each other. I think I love her. I don't want to lose her and see a future together with her no matter what the cost. Any ideas? Thank you.

Hi I just wonder if you still in contact with her

I have just ended an affair because the man who apparently loves me so much is gutless. I understand that he has two children and falling in love with me was a shock considering he is married to the same woman of 12 years but you don't string someone along, tell them how much you love them and want to be with them and make plans with them if you cannot leave. I have spoken to male friends at length about it and they all said the same thing; if he truly loved you it wouldn't matter what was standing in the way. He would give his all to be with you and suffer the consequences, not keep making excuses and pulling you back in everytime you tried to end it because it was hurting you too much and you knew it was the right thing to do.
He has a new job and it takes up a lot of his time. I was just starting to get over him and he sent me a long email saying 'I now know I can't give you what you want/need/deserve' and for that I will have to suffer the consequences of losing you - blah blah blah! All about him. I emailed him back and was so angry, wanting to know why, after a month and me getting over him, he had to spark it all off again, the selfish b*stard!
So I slept with someone else on the weekend and texted him straight away. He said that he could never come back from that. What!?! It's ok for him to still be with his wife, string me along and expect me to wait for as long as it takes for him to get his act together, but it's not ok for me to try and get over him by getting under someone else EVEN though he told me it was over!?! Double standards or what!?!
Part of me desperately wants to tell his wife. She deserves better than to be with someone who lied to her, showered me with gifts and took me on holidays while she stayed at home with the kids. She deserves to be with someone who loves her and isn't gutless. But hey, what goes around comes around and he will get his come uppence in the end. Again double standards. He has been sleeping with someone else, hasn't been honest about me to her but will probably go back to being with her - that's ok is it??? He will find someway to justify his action. It's ok for him but not for me!?!
As for me, I am single and need time to mend my broken heart. I have been single, on and off, since ending my marriage 7 years ago. I couldn't be with someone who wasn't pressing my buttons anymore. Life is too short and we only get one chance. I am a very resilient person and have been through a lot. Now I guess I can just tick the 'had an affair' box as well AND learnt from it. Basically everyone, just don't go there. In the end, too many people get hurt regardless of the euphoria you feel at first and the promises they make.

I understand exactly how you feel, although I was the married female having an affair! We have finally ended it after 3 painful attempts at stopping it! Each time was so painful for me and my willpower lacking. My lover was single and from the beginning we knew there was no future but ending it was so difficult! We tried we went back we tried then failed again! All I will say is I understand how difficult from the other side it is, but if it helps you please understand its not easy from the married side either, especially when there are children involved! I would be in heaven if I thought my lover would wait for me or situations in the future should change but I know that is a big unfair ask! I hope this may give you an insite into understanding his behaviour, I know I've got to let my lover go but it's painful and difficult not to go back particularly when there are very strong feelings there! Saying that I am female and we definitely think more deeply into things than men do!

Thank Clare. I'm not sure if that's your real name but when I saw it, it freaked me out because that's HER name. Anyway, I wrote that post 6 months ago now. Of course I went back to him but not for long. His brother found out about me and pinched him in the face. It was a wake up call for him and he decided to stay with her. I threatened to tell her because I would want someone to tell me, but surprisingly enough he grew some balls and told her himself. They are still together and are trying to make it work; apparently. We don't have anything to do with each other and hadnt done since December (aside from trying 'friendship' in March) and it is better that way. It wouldn't be fair on her or my wonderfully trusting and amazing new boyfriend. All I can say from the experience is that I never want to go through something like that ever ever again. I try and look at everything positively and the only thing I can take away is that someone loved me intensely, madly, deeply and I look forward to the day my new boyfriend and I feel that love. THIS time though it will be in a healthy way without barriers.

Omg I am in the same spot !! But I told mine I had sex with him and my husband want to work our marriage out I am trying abut I jut can't get over this guy but me am my husband have been together for 12 years married 8 I just found with time my husband is not someone I really want to be with I don't know what to do too everyone say we need to stay together for our son so maybe that's what I will do be unhappy for my son will have a good life

Dear Lbs 1984, you wrote this over five months ago. There are many reasons people get married but to my understanding the main reason they get divorced is because they've realized being together doesn't work for them. I left my husband when my daughter was 3 1/2 yrs old. We established a good co-parenting relationship and always took her to the other, never away from the other. She is now 28 yrs and I asked her if it was difficult to grow up going from house to house like that. Her response surprised me but made perfect sense. She said it was fine, just like going to any family member's home, you know going to Dad's or going to Grandma's.

When people stay together for the children but don't want to be together, the negativity grows and impacts who the child become. If the choice is all under one negative roof or two happy roofs; which would you and your husband prefer for yourselves and your son.

I wish you all the best.

Hi
I'm not sure what I'm about to say will help!!

I myself have just come out of an affair, not through my choice I was un happy with my husband for 2 years & started the affair 6 weeks previously to ending my relationship with my husband.

My husband and I have been together 16 years, we have 2 children, I loved my husband and craved his affection so much but he just dismissed my feelings as me being 'stupid' "people don't Show affection like that!!"

Anyway I was close to a guy who felt the way I did about his wife, he also left his wife for a few weeks but when things got tough from my husband begged his wife for forgiveness and went home.

He kept contacting me saying, he loved me not his wife and was only there for the children!! Sob story he wanted his home comforts & me on the side basically.

During these past 5 months my husband has proved just how much he loves me by taking me back time & time even when he knew I didn't want to be with him..

The final straw came last week when I'd been bk home with my husband for 5 weeks and this guy contacted me again I was so sure that my relationship with my husband was bk on track that I could meet have coffee and laugh in his face but I got sucked in again..

So 3 days ago I told my husband we had been bk incontact and he still stuck by my side I told him the whole truth, why the affair happened, why he made me feel good etc... I've promised I won't ever contact this guy again & my husband has promised he will treat my like a wife he is in love with and stop dismissing my feelings..

I'm sad about this guy, but like My husband pointed out he never really loved me it was just 'fog' if you love a woman so much he would have left his wife, set up home and asked me to join him with my children, not expected me to leave my husband and when he could find the right time him leave his wife!!

He was just selfish wanted his cake & to eat it!!

Anyway I know all this but still love him, when I thinknif him I replace the thoughts with the times I've been happy with my husband & play over and over he's just a cheat & never loved me, I hope this works!!

I now need to re kindle my relationship with my husband I don't feel the feelings of kissing & sexual yet but I hope within time this all comes back...as all I've ever craved is his love!!!

Hi all,
This has been a therapeutic experience reading these posts as I have been going through a very similar situation myself. I had two affairs this past year. I got pregnant and married quick at the age of 19 after dating the guy for only 3 months. He has now been my husband for 8 years. After years of not talking to any of my old guy friends I looked up one friend from high school who I started chatting with on facebook chat. We got close and he asked for my phone number and we would call and text each other. He's a local movie director from the town I grew up in and he'd make movie suggestions for me to go see and we'd discuss the movies together. It was nice escapism and I enjoyed the intellectual discussions with him after so many years of not having many intellectual dicussions with the opposite sex. My husband had become very estranged and recently working nights so had been working all night and sleeping all day. I went back to visit home up in Michigan and this high school friend and I ended up having an affair. I went back to visit a few months later and we had another affair. I tried cutting it off many times but the guy was very persistent. My husband was in the dark about anything going on. I got the vibe that the guy I had the affair with was dating and trying to move on so I did too. I would still hear from him every so often about how he still loved me so much and now I was the best sex of his life and how he'd do anything for us to be together some day.

As that started to die out, I started getting texts from a work friend of my husband's who we often hung out with. He would ask me if my husband was working and wondering if I wanted to hang out. I blew him off for the longest time. One night when we were drinking he joked that we should go out to dinner sometime and somehow my drunken husband agreed that I should go out to dinner with him and keep him company.

The dinner ended up going much better than both the guy and I anticipated. We had an amazing evening together and went to another bar to drink at afterwards. We talked and clicked and there was so much chemistry between us. As he was driving me home he was rubbing my knee and I was rubbing his... we pulled into a parking lot and started making out.... and I offered that we go to his place and finish things instead of fooling around in the parking lot where people would see us.

We had an intimate night together, not sex but other things went down. I went home that evening and my husband thought that his friend and I had just had an innocent dinner out together when much more had happened.

This guy and I started secretly dating and he would come over nights my husband was working late. My husband was completely oblivious. It got to the point where the guy wanted me to move in with him. I have two young kids with my husband as well. I didn't know how it would all work.

I went to the guy I was having an affair with's home one evening and he convinced me to tell my husband I was staying with him that night and we'd discuss things more later.

Once I was back home I opened up to my husband about the affair. He was completely crushed. I went back to stay with the guy who I cared for for a few nights. It was wonderful to be together but I felt bad for hurting my husband so much and for leaving my kids.

I went back home and told the guy I was having an affair with I'd be back. I wrote him a note goodbye and left it in his apartment when he was at work and told him where I hid his spare key.

This was only a week ago. My husband opened up that he has been a drug addict for some time.... I knew he smoked pot here and there but didn't realize his full daily dependency on it.

My husband destroyed all his pot stuff and said he's quit for good and wants to change. He's been trying to make up for lost time by writing me daily haikus, doing housework, helping with the kids, writing sweet things on my facebook wall, etc.

The thing is, it is a LOT at once. I am still reeling over the breakup with the other guy. I still have strong feelings with the other guy. I miss him so much I ache for him daily. And yet I have my husband suffocating me trying to make up for lost time. I still love my husband as the father of my kids and out of respect for our long time together but the passion is lacking that I feel with this other guy.

I feel so hurt and broken and confused. I wish I could just seperate from my husband and be on my own and find some clarity but I don't have the money to do that as I am a full-time student right now and don't work.

I texted the other guy tonight and told him I was sorry for how everything went down and told him I still had feelings for him. I had tried to cut myself off but I had felt such a strong need to get in touch with him again. He said he still loves me too.

It just sucks, all of it. I'm not sure what the right path is. Do I stay with my husband, even though he broke things long ago in our relationship and I still resent him for it? Even though he is trying so hard to fix things now? Do I try to repair things with the other guy who I still feel so deeply for and miss so much?

I'm just so confused and lost... any insight would be helpful...

stay

I am so saddened to read these post. I am a victim of a husband that had an affair and all I can say to you all is please please stop. It is a selfish choice. Why is your marriage lifeless? Have you stopped giving as much as your spouse? I agree-a long marriage can be very tasking and the love that was once so new is gone. But it is a choice that you both made to stop trying so hard. Don't you see that the "affair-person" will eventually get old? And if you and your "affair-person" end up getting together you are going to have deep trust issues. How will either of you ever trust one another when you both know that the other will not be faithful if things ever "get old". So-please think about the choice you are making.....love is hard, but if you make a huge change and all of a sudden show your spouse that you care-----they just might end of caring too. But please, stop having an affair. It is a cut that takes years for both people to heal from. My husband and I are divorced now, but I love him so much and just wish that he would have stopped and grabbed ahold of me and said I am having an affair and I don't want to any more....I wish he would have told me that he loved me too and that he wanted to fall in love with me and only me again. Try this! What do you have to lose. I promise that other person is worth losing!!!!!!

Been married for 12 years. We have 3 kids but the relationship has kind of become "routine ". So when an old high school crush looked me up on Facebook things moved really quickly. From casual chatting to sensual text to erotic pics . He even flew into town to see me. Although we are both married with families I know the relationship is never going to go anywhere. He doesn't want to leave his young children and neither do I. I think what stimulates me the most is the excitement , the passion and the new-ness that comes along with a brand new relationship. But I had to reevaluate myself and endvthe relationship because I realized that its more lust than love. In the long run we all really need love and not someone that can only provide stolen moments, brief physical satisfaction and tells you lies. They provide a fantasy not a reality.

I am having an affair with one of my best friends wife. Its been going on 10 months and I ended my own relationship not necessarily to be woth her but because I was unhappy and I'd had a taste of what true love felt like. She is still with her husband and I know she loves me deeply but she has a child and this is a major barrier for her as she cant bear the thought of sharing birthdays/christmas etc. Reading some of the comments above about how some of you ladies have still felt hugely in love with the other man but couldnt leave fills me with sadness as i expect the same situation will arise with us. The thought of this alone is so utterly devastating that i have been considering ending my life. I feel so stupid to have thrown away my other relationship rather than looking at and working through our problems, ive pursued a dream which is unlikely to be reality and there is no escape. I felt love would concor all but in my heart i know she wont leave, not for the foreseeable future. Now i could reel off a list of reasons as to why its so amazing but everyone who has been in this situation feels that way otherwise it wouldnt be the most painful thing in the world to be parted from them. The most difficult thing is unless i move away she will always be in my group of friends but if i move i isolate myself and become lonley and have to start again which i dont have the stength to do. I hate myself for getting into this absurd situation and i have no idea how to escape it. I pray that god gives me the strength to get through this and im not overly religious but i need to have faith in some higher power.
The annoying thing is that I know she loves me more than her husband and we would be so amazing together but there are so many barriers in the way. We are having space now as this has taken its toll on both of us and I guess we'll see if we can live without eachother. My fear is that this space will allow her to get over me and move forward with her life whilst i pine for her and cant move forward with mine. Its such a tragic situation.

Same boat. I've been married for 14 yrs and I am trying to end an 8 month affair because I want to do what is right for my 2 daughters. But i don't miss him any less as time goes on. I know that he/his lifestyle is not right for me. He is an "outside of the law" kind of guy. Harley Club, etc. I am a professional woman. He sparks feelings, excitment and desires in me that I havent felt in years. I imagine spending my life with him..but reality is, I have already created one. And I have to live with it..right? I just think it is so sad that I made the wrong choice at 19..Well, right for me then..but I have changed so much..and I have to live with it forever. Its kind of a hopeless feeling.
I know that my "boyfriend" sees other women, etc. Funny thing is that I don't care. It has nothing to do with self respect or esteem..its just that I think I would prefer to be in a casual, open relationship..rather than smothered by the marriage I have created.

I had an affair on my husband of almost 15 years. The man I cheated on him with was a guy who used me for sex right out of high school. He was terrible person who left me in my car one night after we hooked up at a party and I had drank to much. He left me in the car parked in a restaurant parking lot while he went into his house. I found him on Facebook. He never got married or had any children. He lived with a girl for 8 years but during that time I ran into him and he tried to get me to sleep with him so I know it wasn't a consistent 8 years. We dated for about a year and I never told him I was married. He broke up with me when he realized I was avoiding him coming to my home. He is a terribly mean person but provided me with an escape to what was not a very fufilling marriage. I told my husband everything and he forgave me but has seen that I still have contact with the man I had my affair with and I am on the verge of losing him. I miss the escape and have had a difficult time dealing with the loss of my affair. My husband is a very nice man and the man I had the affair with is terrible. He is mean and self centered and would very vindictive to me. I do not know what is wrong with me as I am very smart and make over $125K a year and I am a cute girl. I feel like I destroyed my life because I want to go back to the person I was before and I can't. During this time I let my kids down with the distraction and let my responsibilities at work slip. Has anyone gone through this and do they feel so lost after this exprience? I am destroyed. How could I miss someone who treated me so badly and not be able to refocus on my kids and husband?

I am the husband of the post above. It's funny that I've been reading these posts to try and heal emotionally and found this. Anyways, I forgave my wife a few months back for the sake of the kids. I understood why she did it and took 50% of the blame. However, I've since decided to leave my wife and here's why: (1) I don't trust my wife as she re-contacted with her ex. (2) This was not a one-night stand but a 2 year affair. (3) My wife has since been miserable when I thought our relationship was heading in the right direction. I had to realize that "FANTASY LAND" will always be easier than working on your own marriage. She's stuck emotionally in fantasyland (4) I've also been struggling with thinking that I maybe don't measure-up sexually or as a companion like the ex she was with (5) My wife hasn't taken responsibility and isn't remorseful for what she did. She felt justified with it putting it on me that it was my wake-up call to get my-self together for her. This was evident as she recontacted her ex and offered herself-up for sex and that it would be fun and not to complicate it. (6) By her post above it's obvious she misses and still loves this person that treats her badly. (7) I do love my wife as the mother of my kids, but it's clear she doesn't love me, doesn't put any real effort into our relationship, or sex (8) The fall-out from this affair is starting to affect the kids as our fighting has intensified to coming to blows, which is unacceptable. (8)When I told my wife I was leaving her last night she said not to right now as she's having a hard time at work and not to add anything to her emotional bucket. That statement showed me how selfish she still is. While she was having the affair my emotional bucket wasn't taken into consideration as I was watching my father die of pancreatic cancer (9) I also realize that my wife is just as self-centered, terribly mean, and vindictive like her ex-boyfriend. They're perfect for each other! I told my wife that she needs to go back to him since he makes her happy! As I'm writing this I'm out of the house. (10) I realized that time with her now is wasted time. I'm hopeful that I can pick up the pieces and heal emotionally in a positive way......to be a better father for my kids who I love and mean everything to me. Also, to be ready for relationships in the future.

I guess this is my diary to clear-up my thoughts. I go thru different emotions all the time as I realize the marriage must end. There was never any chance of getting my wife back after the affair. I had already lost her emotionally and physically.

If I was a better husband maybe this wouldn't have happened. I also think that maybe it's a good thing as we already had a very abusive and negative relationship. She is a very very cold person who is in the most abusive co-dependent relationship with her mom that I've ever seen. They try to out hurt eachother by saying horrible things to eachother. This relationship was projected onto me and I would find myself getting hooked into it also all the time, but with my wife. During one fight I told her that no matter how much weight she lost I would never touch her again. That she was a heffer. She said her affair started that weekend.

The reason I forgave her originally for the affair was because I started to have strong feelings for someone else where my wife and I both worked years earlier. The feelings were just on my side and not reciprocated. Although I didn't have a physical affair, but an emotional one, our marriage had a poor foundation. I was susceptible to one potentially happening. My wife and I just have a bad relationship.

I eventually lost my job for what happened and embarrassed my wife where she still worked. It was a horrible thing for me to do. Easily the mistake I regret the most in my life.

However, my wife forgave me and eventually we worked on our marriage, but it was still a negative unfulfilled married. My wife never measures up or gets approval from her mom, which has caused severe pain emotionally for her. Unfortunately, this has also been projected onto me where I never measure up either to my wife's expectations. It's my wife's way or the highway. The glass is always half-empty and I don't get any credit for anything positive I've done. I also get compared to other husbands and what I'm not doing. It's ridiculous !!!

How can someone tear you down constantly without it not having an effect on you in a negative way.

What I've learned is that I married someone just like my mom, who tore down her husband(my dad) too!! I was attracted to an abusive wife to tear me down also.
My part was to be Mr. Apathetic, which was the same part my dad played. I married someone exactly like my mom when I always swore I wouldn't. It's completely crazy to think about.

In the end my wife and I have nothing to latch onto to save our marriage. Granted, she's still in love with the other guy, but even if somehow our marriage was saved it would still be short lived, negative, unfulfilling, and empty.

My wife has never been interested in serious counseling where the faults of both are exposed with a plan for a positive resolution. My wife would only go to someone that agrees with her where I'm the one that has to do all the work. Where she never has to do really anything. The more I think about it it's a miracle our marriage lasted for more that 15 years. However, not going to counseling to work on her own issues is starting to backfire as there all culminating. This combined with taking anti-depressants and sleeping pills each day. She's getting close to having a nervous breakdown. I don't know if guilt & shame are part of it or if it's that she just misses her ex that she still loves and just aches for him daily.

I love my wife and still find her attractive and the last few months have been horrible with this and the combination of my father's passing. But I do want my wife to be happy and to have a positive relationship with her mom. Also, to eventually be with a man where they can have a good relationship without any negative outside influence. But a relationship that is loving, supportive, accepting of one another, warm, not forced, and fun. Where you want to work on the marriage and that is built with a strong foundation to get thru bad situations.

Unfortunately, our marriage was rarely any of these. It's really sad. We both blew it !!! I wish things could've been different, but now it's just about trying to protect the kids.....

Wow, I thought my situation was unique, I guess I'm not alone. I've been married for 18 years and my affair has been going on for 10 years. He was married but divorced and as someone else mentioned he doesn't want me to put my family through what his went through so he wants me to wait until my youngest is 18 and graduated (about 2 1/2 years from now). Problem is as it gets closer I'm getting more and more scared. I don't know if I can go through the divorce. My family is very close knit and loves my husband probably more than me. I'm afraid my entire family including my kids will hate me. He talks more and more about us being together as time passes but I am really scared. I've gotten to the point where I've tried to break it off but it doesn't last. Last time we stayed away from eachother for 9 months but he came looking for me at home when he knew I was alone. I really want to end it because I don't want my kids to see me as a cheater and lose respect for me but I also can't see myself in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life.

I'm not judging, but u are 'cheating' your husband out of his life.. TEN years..
I hope & pray if my wife is/was unfaithful I'd find out so I could enjoy MY life with or without her..

All positive thoughts and much support going out to all of you in emotional circumstances. I too have felt very much the way most of you feel and a year later it is still very difficult to get over it all. I have a loving friends support system, my husband is very supportive and yet it is still hard. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe I was very much supposed to go through this.
Thank you for all these words I can relate to. I hope we all find our ways regardless of our choices, nobody knows what the heart can survive or the lengths it can go to find its place.

I am 6 months out and still feel the loss some days as if it just happened. Do you still want to be in the marriage? Does your spouse know about the affair? Would like to hear more about it to help me thru it.

U have a child together. What if he moves on and u decide u want him back? It is a relationship ba<x>sed on deception , selfish

I'm in the same boat, different but I still want to be with someone else. My response is, if you have no where to go and you have a baby with this man, make preparations in advance - get your own bank account, save money, be patient with yourself, don't leave because of your feelings for this other person.... by the time you have money saved, you may have more insight on what you really want or need to do. What you do need to do is go on some of the web sights that help you recognize why you may have begun a relationship outside of your marriage to begin with. Depression is one. Husband busy working, tired, new baby.... these are all triggers for a woman. I know you probably don't even want attention from your husband right now.... so slow it down and try to get back into friendship mode with him.<br />
I have had three children been married for 13 years and have gone through so many things that at any given point in time could have led me to have an affair, it's only when i lost faith in my ability to really love myself or the person I was with any more that infidelity happened. And I don't know what came first, the chicken or the egg. What really matters is that it did happen, I have to own it. But if you can try and get a little more information on it, studies, stories, things of this nature, it makes you feel like at least you are not alone, you are not a bad person... you just need time to find your way - most importantly for your child. That is the line I could not bear to cross. That is why I ended my affair. To figure out what the right path will be for me if I am not happy with my husband - but to make sure I do things as best I can to take care of my own self and my children - it doesn't look good to leave your man for another. And it rarely lasts. If you really don't want to be with someone - you have to learn how to stand on your own feet - even if that means the labor of getting financial aid through the state - whatever means necessary - but don't smear yourself all over the board with another guy. At some point, and even i should know this by now; men all say the same things at some point in your , sorry but "fake" relationship, dragging your "real" feelings through hell and back .... but your man married you, and that says more.

I've been seeing this woman from work and have been flirting cuddling since Xmas it wasn't sexually and I didn't want to be we have been having lunch together for months and cuddling and a quick peck kiss but last month we finally kissed propley and I thought it was going good then I let slip that I had feelings For her and the following day she called it off now and said she wants to remain friends but I'm having trouble I said to her what my feeling for her were and she always changed the conversation and when I asked her if she had them for me she gives me another question as not to answer I just can't seem to get over her and move on and it's affecting me now if any one can help me out how to get on or if you think she did feel anything for me as I think that's what's holding me from moving on

Hi I am struggling with the same thing! I had an affair with a guy from my gym! I am married and while I live my husband I am not sure that it's enough anymore. I met thus guy on a night out and we kissed- at first I felt so guilty for even doing that! About a month passed and I then one day I bumped in to him in the gym. We started textin and one thing led to another and we began an affair! He has a girlfirend of seven years who He lives with and I knew this all along but at the time was so caught up with him I never gave it any thought! He would text me all the time and tell me how stunning he thought I was and how much he was attracted to me! The affair went in for a few months and then we didn't see each other for a while over the Christmas! When we spoke after christmas he told me he has spent time with his girlfriend and was feeling guilty about the affair and so he ended it! I was so upset as I had really fallen for him! Anyway it lasted two weeks and then he was textin again and we met up and began the affair again! Since then he has ended it and started it again three times each time telling me how he can't stay away then feeling guilty and finishing it! It's been a few months now since the last time we were together but it's killing me! I see him in the gym most days, when I not with him I think about him all the time! I try to make sure I get to the gym to see him at the times he will be there and it's affecting my work too ! I replay every conversation we had and every meeting between us over and over in my head! I know I can never have him as he will never leave his girlfriend and I am married with a child but I can't get over him! I don't know what to do anymore! I was considering moving gyms but the thought of not seeing him every day makes me feel sick! Also it's been three weeks since I last saw him and I am starting to wonder if he has moved gyms and I am so upset at the thought of this! I want to turn these feelings off and go back to before I met him when my life was ok! How can I forget about him and move on????

I know exactly how u feel. On facebook, a guy I knew slightly from high school, sent, me a friend request........very quickly we went from casual chatting to full fledged being in love....both of us were married, he had 2 teens, I had 2 teens and a preteen............it moved so quickly. He was telling me everything I wanted and needed to hear. He lived 12 hrs away from me, and invited my family to his house for a summer vacation. My hubby had to work, so he didn't go, but my 3 kids and I did. We were basically meeting for the first time, since he was a few years older than me in hs, and now this was 20yrs after hs! It was amazing......so much so, that I convinced my hubby to move the 12hrs to be closer to him. Anyway, we were very in love and were planning our future together, which included both of us getting divorces......problem is, as soon as he left his wife, within a month, he dumped me too! Now....he still talks to me alot....like 30 to 50 messages a day, he still tells me he loves, but he says he can't put my family thru what his family is going thru with the divorce. Now he runs around with girls half my age (im 40, he's 42.....his daughters are 18 and 16) and the girls he's running around partying with are 21 - 25.........the is one that just turned 21 that he took with him on a work related trip to California ! I think he really thinks he might have a future with her. This whole thing has made me feel horrible about my age (which I look much younger and get carded all the time) my looks, my weight (I know I look good, I just don't feel like I do) my self esteem is shot......zero zip zilch, its gone! I should also mention, I am 2 yrs younger than him, but im 10 yrs younger than his wife! He tries to tell me this 21yr old is "just his bff" but I know he's in love with, and being used by, her. He spends every moment possible with her. Horrible thing is, I still want him so bad that I feel like im dying inside. So, if u figure a way to move on and be happy....please let me know.....cause I need to very bad. My hubby is great and he loves me very much. He did find out I have feelings for this other guy (he doesn't know about sex tho) and he has been very patient with me....just trying to help me get over him and stay in my marriage.....but I feel horrible putting my hubby thru this, when im in love with someone else......please help me!

I had an affair for the past 9 months... Not seeing him a lot but he text me pretty often. I don't usually text him... we are both married and he has small children, mine are a bit older... Anyway, last Saturday he came to see me and told me he had sex with his wife last weekend after a long peiod of time and that he felt the closeness with her again and that changed his life. He did not want the guilt feeling anymore. I told him I understand and I was thinking of the same thing. Even I don't think much improvement will happen between my husband and i but I will kill myself if anything happen and hurt both of his and my kids. I can't take that.<br />
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We decided to end this relationship. He gave me a tight hug before he head out. I held up the whole day and in the evening, I couldn't hold it anymore and burst out crying. I know this is definitely the right way to go but I miss him so much. I never want to lose him. But I am holding myself back not to contact him. I know I can be strong and this will past. I don't want to risk anymore. I have my kids to take care and they deserve a wonderful family with both parents. This morning I woke up with such a heartache which was so hard to bear but I feel better after reading some of the posts here. Reconfirmed this is the right thing to do and it's for the best of both families.

Hi, I was wondering if you ever told your husband? I'm in a similar situation right now... And don't know what way to go, either tell him or keep it to myself and bury it.

No, I never tell my husband since I don't think that will benefit anyone but will just make things hurt. Also this has already ended. I plan to keep it in my heart forever.

Have you just ended your affairs as well? I hope you are hanging in there... It's hard but things will get better. Feel free to contact me if you need to vent.

Hi, I sent you an inbox message, I think! First time, so let me know if it doesn't work. Thanks

I have been married for 17 year and 3 kids .I do love my family . i do go a good man but i been having an affair for 4 year and still going on but today he said he move.At first sad, hurt but it good i want my married .Even thought i want him. Well u ask how u get over it will take time and find thing to keep u busy. That what i am gone to do

I cheated on my husband. his a good man but we dont seem to have the same spark we used to. I know thats no excuse but this other man (also married) was being very flirty and i fell for him, we kissed and basically dry humped. this happened about 8 times.<br />
in the end it got out of hand and he said he wouldnt see me again as we was both married and had young children<br />
the thing is i never wanted to stop seeig him and i cant get over him. i hurt so much, but then i think to myself imagine the hurt if our partners found out.<br />
this man also said its ok to have feelings for other people but you cant always play on them. is it?

My affair is a very complicated situation. I started working on a project with this guy who was a senior person at my company. He's 18 yrs my senior and we became very close. He started texting me on other things aside work and we started flirting through msgs and soon was on a full time affair. He's very close to my boss, a lady, and they have been very close and working together for the past 10yrs. After 3 mths into our affair, he was transferred to the CEO's office and has changed completely since then. He never had any more time for me but I notice he can still meet up with my boss. I started suspecting something between them and one day overheard the way he called her on the phone. I confronted him n he said there is nothing between them. I loved him so much and trusted him. Then a day before my boss' birthday, she took leave and he took leave too. He gave me the excuse he was meeting some ID designers with his wife but I checked on him n called his wife workplace n true enough, she was at work! He lied to me n was actually with my boss. I felt so sick but I can't do anything about it as it might threaten my career. This man was sleeping with me, my boss n his wife! It's crazy! I have since stopped with him but whenever he msgs me, I can't help but to reply him as I still love him tremendously. I don't know what to do.. I can't concentrate at work or work properly n can't bear even seeing my boss. But I want to keep my career. Yet, I'm suffering so much.. What shall I do? Should I consider seeing a therapist? I feel like I'm losing my mind n it's affecting my life at home. I can't think or do anything but him.. N he doesn't even care. No intention to make things better but just the occasional texts to make me better.. He tells me he loves me but he doesn't show at all through actions. N the mere fact that he lied to me n is actually in another affair with my boss too for god knows how long is making me sick! Plz help me..

i too am in the same situation, altho i do have a career i recently ended my affair,but miss my lover everyday. i am trying to work things out with my husband but i feel no physical attraction to him and we don't have sex, however live very comfortable lifestyle and i don't want to lose everything i put into this marriage, but i want the sex and attraction back. my lover has now found a girlfriend and it is killing me knowing she has him and he also thinks it is good for the both of us. i can't let go and i miss him

I am in the exact same boat! I too had to end my affair. I know I made the right decision or else I would have lost my family. But I miss him so much, I have never experienced this much pain in my life. I love my husband too, but not physically. It's been about 6 months for me, and it doesn't help that we work together. I have good and bad days. When the memories flood my head, I just can't stop crying. There are days I say to myself, that's what I get, this is my punishment. But then I think, how did I fall so deeply for this man. Love is complicated. I wish you the best. If you have any helpful thoughts, send them my way. I will do the same. Good luck to you.

hi lakeside..yes it is hard .. but once you get over and decide to let it go it will be easier.. also like the other women on here my lover has recently started to callme names etc it has went from bad to ugly ..i am thankful it is over andthat i did not throw everything away for this creep.. i too beat myself up but not like that anymore i am like how and why did i let myself get sucked in .. i have sat my husband down and explained this is what i need from our marriage ..a. b.c.. and he has agreed i told himthat either he needs to work on our marriage and us ..or i will leave ..lover or no lover . the only thing i regret it letting this creep swindle his way in my life .. he of course is on too his next vicitm and does not i am sure give a **** about the pain he almost caused my husband and me.. i am so not missinghim anymore.. yes it was fun and all the attention he paid phoning texting ..etc..but trust me your not the only one .. i am sure he too has moved on to his next vicitm.. ttly

I had an affair years ago.I was vulnerable and i was convincing myself that this affair would make m feel like I was no longer a victim to the horrible things that happened to me.that was just a sick excuse ! I met this man at my job and i gave him my phone number.I don't know why I did that.my husband and I had a great relationship! 13 years! That night after work we met up and had some drinks and that led to sex.the best sex of my life.months went by...i pushed my three kids away and my husband.I was angry because I couldn't be with the man I was "in love" .we made future plans and were together all the time.I told my husband.I made a new best friend and he made me feel better about the tragity that happend a yr before.I even went as far as bringing him out to eat with my husband and friends.well the truth came out when my husband found his number and text him from my phone when i was asleep he said "how was I?" The man said "amazing as always" .my husband flipped and slapped me! He called the man to pick me up before he killed me.the man said " take her to a woman's shelter...I don't effin care" wow! I ruined my entire trust in my whole family but the worst was seeing my kids when their father walked out! I feel like the devil! Please let him go hunny! It will not help u at all! He doesnt love u! If he can shut u out long enough to do what he needs to do at home ....with his family then he doesnt care! I'm so sorry!

well said .. almost experienced the same thing but i ended thank god and found out now he did not give a **** about me ..

I had an affair years ago.I was vulnerable and i was convincing myself that this affair would make m feel like I was no longer a victim to the horrible things that happened to me.that was just a sick excuse ! I met this man at my job and i gave him my phone number.I don't know why I did that.my husband and I had a great relationship! 13 years! That night after work we met up and had some drinks and that led to sex.the best sex of my life.months went by...i pushed my three kids away and my husband.I was angry because I couldn't be with the man I was "in love" .we made future plans and were together all the time.I told my husband.I made a new best friend and he made me feel better about the tragity that happend a yr before.I even went as far as bringing him out to eat with my husband and friends.well the truth came out when my husband found his number and text him from my phone when i was asleep he said "how was I?" The man said "amazing as always" .my husband flipped and slapped me! He called the man to pick me up before he killed me.the man said " take her to a woman's shelter...I don't effin care" wow! I ruined my entire trust in my whole family but the worst was seeing my kids when their father walked out! I feel like the devil! Please let him go hunny! It will not help u at all! He doesnt love u! If he can shut u out long enough to do what he needs to do at home ....with his family then he doesnt care! I'm so sorry!

I had an affair years ago.I was vulnerable and i was convincing myself that this affair would make m feel like I was no longer a victim to the horrible things that happened to me.that was just a sick excuse ! I met this man at my job and i gave him my phone number.I don't know why I did that.my husband and I had a great relationship! 13 years! That night after work we met up and had some drinks and that led to sex.the best sex of my life.months went by...i pushed my three kids away and my husband.I was angry because I couldn't be with the man I was "in love" .we made future plans and were together all the time.I told my husband.I made a new best friend and he made me feel better about the tragity that happend a yr before.I even went as far as bringing him out to eat with my husband and friends.well the truth came out when my husband found his number and text him from my phone when i was asleep he said "how was I?" The man said "amazing as always" .my husband flipped and slapped me! He called the man to pick me up before he killed me.the man said " take her to a woman's shelter...I don't effin care" wow! I ruined my entire trust in my whole family but the worst was seeing my kids when their father walked out! I feel like the devil! Please let him go hunny! It will not help u at all! He doesnt love u! If he can shut u out long enough to do what he needs to do at home ....with his family then he doesnt care! I'm so sorry!

Its not worth crying over this man!!!! as he never loved you in the beginning, married men will never ,ever their wives no matter what, why dont you ask yourself why did he not leave her for you? you know why, she was just waiting for her to recover whatever it is they were having, so love yourself enough and always know that it was all about getting into your pants, but at least he is honest enough to tell you the truth , find yourself someone who is not maried, and GOD will help you. you are a strong woman

Wow I too have just been through a break up with my lover, all though not my choice 100% I know its the right thing to do. I have been married for three years, but with him for twleve and two kids. I first met my lover back in highschool and we had a connection then. We dated for a while but then him and his mom moved away and we lost touch. We then reconnected at a mutual friends house about three years ago, and all the feelings rushed back. We ended up cheating on both our spouses not long after. It got very intense very fast so we ended it a few months back. That break up did not last cause we could not stay away from each other so we started up for the thrid time.I love my husband but I have allways had feelings for my lover since we were kids. What do I do

you have to make a choice who you want.

Wow! So many stories I can relate to . I too have been having a primarily emotional affair for 3 months, doesnt sound like long , but Im besotted and he is too , its obvious that we are both filling the gaps in each others existing relationships, and yet Ive had so much trouble trying to stay away as he makes me feel warmth and not like the "bad person" i feel like I am through guilt when Im with my partner of 8 years. The trouble for me is that I have had niggles about my existing relationship over the years that I havent dealt with , doubting whether Im in love at all, and about the nature of love and how to know whether Im in love , though I do know and have known that I love my partner , for sure , hes a wonderful man , just the "in love " thing I doubt! Anyway in such circumstances when a man comes along that you have an immediate rapport with , and an emotional connection on a level that you feel is missing in your own relationship its hard to ignore. I plan to end it today, and work on the gaps that the guys I was seeing was filling with my existing partner, and I just know its going to hurt for weeks and take every ounce of strength not to contact him . help please.

I can totally identify with this. I think my wife came to the same conclusion years ago. But I noticed right after she hit 40 when I realized that she gave me absolutely no affection or warmth at all. I was always at the bottom of her list, after work, friends, shopping, the kids.

She has always made more money than me and worked longer hours. So I made up for that by helping out around the house and being the house husband (I still had a real day job though). I changed my hours to better look after the kids.


So when it became clear to me that she had no affection for me I was resentful, hurt, and eventually had an affair. She found out and we decided to stay together. Went to counseling a couple of times but then stopped.

Not much changed. She did consent to having sex more often. But still, if we hug, I'm the one who initiates. If we have sex, I'M the one who starts it. We only give each other pecks, not serious kisses.

I know what the deal is. In addition to the affair and the other things I did (**** which she finds disgusting) she doesn't like, I'm just not the man she should be with. Now I don't resent her any more. I know we're just different people who probably should never have gotten together in the first place. We tried to make it work and build a family together. But oil and vinegar won't stay mixed forever.

Eventually I started fooling around again, but didn't want to leave. I just couldn't face the destruction it would cause financially and also emotionally to our kids. Now I can see that I probably made life more toxic than it would have been for the kids had I left years ago. It's not that we fight, just that it's not a good example of a loving relationship.

The not fighting is also a big part of the problem. I hear stories about couples who have awful relationships and it's a relief when they split up. Our marriage isn't awful. We get along most of the time. Chores get completed, bills paid, kids get raised and loved and driven to cheer, the movies, etc.

And she is a really good woman. Smart (not book smart but relationship and practical and work smart), good looking, well dressed, funny at times. So thinking about leaving her makes me feel like the biggest **** in the world.

But now I am planning on leaving. The date is after our son graduates (hopefully) in May. I feel lousy about everything I say to her now, knowing it's all a lie. So I would do it sooner but our son is doing lousy in school and I can't put any more stress on him. It's already iffy as to whether or not he'll pass his classes.

Also I don't know if I will have the courage to leave. But I do want to be happy and be with someone who actually loves me for who I fully am, who I have things in common with, and isn't just putting up with me. I'm not a young man anymore, I only have a certain amount of time to restart my life.

God I hope I'm making the right decision.

Did you eventually leave?

This is my first comment on here. I feel very shy about it. I am in an emotional, not physical affair with a man from work. We were both teachers at an inner city school and now I moved to another school while he is still looking for work. Okay, here goes. First, thank you all for your honesty. It is emotional turmoil not to be with my other guy. I miss him when I am not with him but know he is with his other married girlfriend. The whole thing is so screwed up. I would advise you to do what is right in your situation. I plan to stay married and to block my other guy on facebook and on my cell. It is going to hurt like helll but is the right, sane thing to do... good luck girl. Hope it works out for you. Good to know there are others like me out here just trying to make the best choices they can in the moment.

I have been having an affair with a man (he lives with a woman but, they are not married. However, I am) we fell madly in love. So I thought. He wrote to me all day every day for the past three years. We have seen one another once a week for the enitre time. We do not have sex regularly. Maybe once a moth or so. We mostly got together to have lunch, see a movie, take a walk. Well, I ended it 4 days ago. I suppose because I wanted more...and he refused to give me more. He would not see me on any evening, or weekend. Only during the week around lunchtime. He was afraid of losing his beloved girlfriend. The one who gave him a place to live and added his name to her mortgage. I was willing to leave my husband (after 20 years) for him. My heart is BROKEN. I struggle every minute of every day not to write to or call him. But, my mind is constantly thinking about him, places we have been, experiences we have had. I urge you....do not begin an affair... and if you are in one...end it as soon as possible. After three years the heartache is immeasurable. I'll take any words of wisdom anyone might have.

HI, How are you doing now??... Did you stay away... your story drew me immediately because of the timing and the fact you posted it on my birthday.. funny I know...this is the first time I have been on this site . Wish I had of found it months ago.

I think we have been going through almost the exact same thing at the same time...mine ended July25... it was only 5 months but so intense and my heart was BROKEN too... It has been 7 months now and the pain is subsiding... but I still have some "bad hours" but not full "bad days" anymore... it does get better.

Wow...this is so sad. Let's forget about "my happiness!", "my happiness!" for a minute and look at the facts:<br />
<br />
1. Everyone in an affair feels the way you do. EVERYONE. Read about it...please. Affairs make you feel like you don't love your spouse anymore, and make you feel like your affair partner is the love of your life. EVERYONE IN AN AFFAIR FEELS THAT WAY. YOUR AFFAIR IS NOT SPECIAL.<br />
2. Less than 5% of affairs result in marriage. LESS THAN 5%.<br />
3. Of those, Less than 1/3rd make it 5 years. That means you have only a 1% OR LESS chance of this affair partner even being a good marriage candidate. LESS THAN 1%.<br />
4. As for soulmates, even the ones who make it >5 years still often get divorced. When surveyed, the majority report that they are no more (and often less) happy than they were with their original spouses, and regret their decisions.<br />
<br />
Why? Because an affair is an illusion. It makes you feel in love, like you've met the person you were SUPPOSED to be with and it is unfortunate that you met your spouse first. It's all crap. Most affairs don't last 6 months after the spouse leaves and the relationship becomes real. And then guess what? The odds are VERY HIGH that you will wake up as if from a fog and realize you want your spouse and kids back and that you love him/her for REAL. And by then it will likely be too late, because you destroyed everything because you failed to learn in high school like the rest of us that Romeo and Juliet crazy heart-fluttering puppy love is NOT real love, it is infatuation.<br />
<br />
Please, please, please read read, read before you make a foolish decision! Really, forget about me giving you moral lessons, judging, worrying about supporting yourself or your kids, etc. The fact is if you are in your first marriage you currently have a 50% chance of making it work. Even if things are bad and that is 10%, your affair has less than a 1% chance of working. JUST DO THE MATH.

Seriously people!!!!!!! You don't cheated it makes you a looser!!!!!! Have some respect and stop being selfish. People who cheat only care about themselves. Period. No one said marriage was easy but you work on it. Problem is everyone is lazy and thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Do you people think of how this messy up your partner mentally. Anyone who cheats should suffer heartache and pain the rest of their life. I curse all of you out there that cheat.

I just ended an affair after 1 1/2 yrs . I"ve been married for 19yrs. For the most part it"s been very good. I got bored and met someone. but never thought it was going to become what it did. I really fell for him. I don"t want to leave my husband at all. I have everything I want and need with him and I love him. We"re literally soul mates. But for some reason I am mourning this other guy so much that I cry all the time and I can"t stop. It hurts so much. We had so many good times together. I really miss our time together. I'm having a hard time moving on. I'm looking for ways to help me. I really want to get past it all.

I'm right there with you. But, three years here. Been married 19 as well..to a wonderful man. Same crying going on here. Trying to be strong. Not real easy.

Save your marriage! Especially if you were married in the Catholic Church! I have no idea if you are or not or if you have a religion but know that God HATES divorce. What God hath joined together let no man put asunder. And pray much. And I'd recommend going to mej.com and ordering the book How To Change Your Husband. If you divorce for another man you will be held responsible for the effect on your child and also your soul. It is not fair to your child or your husband. And adultery is a mortal sin if done knowingly and with your will. Mortal sin means hell if not repented before death. I pray you will make the right decision for your own and your family's good. Remember God is good and all merciful. And also that this life is short. We have eternity ahead.

You should stop preaching this crap... these are purely YOUR beliefs and not necessarily the beliefs of others.. to be honest this god bothering makes me retch

I think that you should have done the right thing and never, ever pursued this in the first place. I find people with no self-control absolutely disgusting. My husband destroyed our family, destroyed my sons' belief in people and society because he had an affair. You should have ended it, and gone back to your husband and never, ever said a thing. I hope that you will feel the pain that you have caused.

Don't do it. Make things work with your husband. I had been in a similar situation and I have hurt my husband and family tremendously. And in the end. I am alone. The person that I thought was everything that my husband was not ran as soon as I moved out. It is a horrible situation to be in and am so ashamed of myself for falliing for another man who i thought could give me everything. I was selfish. I should have told my husband what I was missing instead of being so afraid. You are reading these posts thinking " my life is nothing like this, my affair is different" and won't listen to anyones advice. I have been there done that. No one could have talked sense into me.

I am in love with my collaegue and have known him for 10 years but<br />
but have had an affair with him for 3 years. He has been married for 34 years and I have been married for 29. I want to leave my husband but my affair guy has a responsibility<br />
conflict and won't leave his wife. He is so in love with me and we are going on 4 trips that are supposedly business. I am going to see what it's like to really be a couple and then plan to break it off if he's not willing to leave his wife. I guess i have to follow the saying "if you love something give it up and if it is meant to be it will come back". So I have to go with that as hard as it will be!! Please keep me in your thoughts in May when I make the break. So hard to give up my love.

Wow...After reading these comments I realize that I am not alone! For months, I have felt like a selfish, good for nothing person. So my story goes like this...I married my first boyfriend when I was 18 yrs. old, he and I had been together since I was 13! He was the love of my life...we were bestfriends,,,then...we had two boys, 23 mons apart. Life went crazy for us...He was smoking pot,(and sneaking and buying it, regardless of our very limited budget,) I began to leave my babies with him so that I could have a girls night..which turned into every weekend! He was a wonderful worker and dedicated family man cherished me and the boys! So the more I went out the more guys were noticing me...which lead into an affair..(which I refused to kill him by telling him about it) so me and the boys moved in with my mother...the affair continued finally, he found out about the affair through a mutual friend...He was devastated!!!There was no rock insight for me to hide my face..Now that it was all out in the open me boys and I moved home and my husband and I were reconciling our marriage to the best of our knowledge...two weeks later my husband was killed in an automobile accident! 6-26-2001 ...I litterally lost it for awhile...my mother was taking care of my boys all the time..I worked then was in school then I would go walk 3 miles everyday, then sit at anybar and get hammered and go to the house and go to sleep...I was and still am eat up with such guilt that I can never forgive myself..4 m....5 mons later I hooked up with the person who is my husband to this day...our marriage has literally been hell..and he is a very mean degrading person to me and so are his kids to my kids...So I caught myself in the same cheating situation all over again..(How could I do this) It began by talking online for few mons. then met up once, then twice,,,we were both head over heels! Having wonderful sex and intelligent conversations, laughing hysterically...But at this point im not draggin my kids out of their home! Next few weeks all the hell broke lose again on the homefront! His kid, havin some kid at school, pick on my kid. I was furious...This hasnt got easier over the years only harder...So my boyfriend gave me the money to get into an apartment as my hubby and I separated.//Tried hardest to keep alll this a secret<br />
small town gossipers got us caught! So I admitted yeah, I have only seen him a couple times since I moved out,,,(Flat lie) The hubby was irate.. although he did keep trying to get my attn...through threats, of other women, constantly brings my things to me that were left in the house..The boyfriend never left my side for a sec! He showered me with gifts and flowers daily! He was wonderful! My husband and i decided to get back together and we having hot sex,,,I remained in this apt. Then he found out that I had sex with the guy..holy ****!!!So I had to fess up....My hubby cussed me and called me all kinds of names,,,told me that he was going to go f this other girl that he had been talking to prior to our decision. He called my boyfriend and told him to come check on me because I was upset, told him that I had a std, I was useless and he has put up with enough of my ****! The bf could have me! So the bf came to my apt..for 3 days and nights he held me as I balled like a baby! I didnt have sex with him during this time..He kept reassuring me that he loved me and my husband doesnt..I never gave him any indication that he (bf) and I were gonna work it out...So finally after days of misery my husband and I finally talked and we wanted to make it work.,,,My husband is attempting to be more sensitive and charming, he is promising the crap is gonna stop with his kid,,,Everything is perfect, right? Uh No....He is constantly texting me and my husband letting both of us know how much he loves me and my kids..he is sending pics of he and i together to my hubbys phone...texting me like 10x a day professing his love for me..My husband is getting super pissed.....Im not texting him back at all....but I want to sooooo bad...I really love and miss him! omg...Please tell me that this will subside with time!!!!!! his emotions, my emotions...my hubby keeps asking me if i have feelings for the other guy and i am forced to lie and say NO!

This is such an eye opener. I was or still am in the same predictament. 4 Months ago I met this guy at a Golf Coursr and I was using the Internet there having coffee and just passing buy, so when i SAW Him I decidedto ask him questions about Golf and stuff cause I've always been interested in Golf he told me all about Golf and we kept on talking more and more. My goodness did and we spoke for ages as if we knew one another. We could relate he had 3 kids and I had 3 kids (2 boys and a girl same to him. We spoke about marriege life and I was surprise because in my nature I would never approache a man let alone a stranger, which was in this case it was interesting. Anyhow 3 months down the line I was heard over hills with this guys and we both understood our cecumstances I wouldn't dare call him after hours and over the week-ends and the same applied to him. But those rules where broken believe you me. We could bare not seeing each other and we went away for a day together which we both enjoyed because we both wanted to find out how it will feel like. Then we spoke for a while and 2 days later he said he wanted to lie low for a while and I also agreed. I started to miss him but didn't call him and he did the same. So there was tension between the two of us until we both felt neglated we started having fight asking each other why are we not calling each other and we slowly but sure grew apart. We would see each other and we fight like an old couple asking each other what is happening and we both felt non-of us is taking any initiative anymore. Then he proposed saying he is leaving the wife cause he believed his find me and he wanted to introduce me as well to his family. Cause as well he and the wife have been married for 19years and they have been on each others throats and in my case I felt I had a good enough excuse to case in my marriege my husband committed adultry 3 time and in one of the affairs he had a baby and I never told anyone and I always told myself that I will settle the score but I wanted to focus on my kids. So to cut the long story short a month ago this guy called me to ask me if I would give him time (a break) and I agreed because he looked like a mess from te last time I met him. He told me that its not easy in the home fright. So I thought let me give him the space and its been not easy withouth him so I kept on smsing him until we met a while ago wanting to know where do we stand. He said things are ok at home and we can continue where we left off. But since we last spoke I was never the same person because he is acting very strange and I feel he is not telling me the axact story. So I've decided to nature what I have at home and to see if I can fix things with my husband of 10years. I haven't told him that because I just have a feeling that this guy has moved on as well but without telling me.

I had an affair almost a year ago. It lasted 4 months. I never wanted it to end. We started out as friends, then he started coming to my place of employment almost everyday. We would meet after I got off work, he would wait for me. He pursued me. He went on vacation with his family and text messaged me while away. He said very endearing things to me. We saw each other when he came back, and kissed for the first time after 2 or 3 months of friendship. We said that we gave each other something that neither of our spouses gave us. I know it was true of my own marriage. The endearments continued, our relationship was not sexual but it did eventually happen. Only twice. I wanted to see him more often, but he couldn't because of his family. I had and still do have more freedom than he does/did. He disappeared and I hadn't heard from him for 3 months. I was devastated. He said his wife found out but he still missed me. Not only was I devastated, but hurt and angry at the same time. I did my best to poke jabs at him even though he had lost quite a bit of weight and appeared to be stressed. You know, kick a man while he's down. I don't know for sure. After my last jab at him, he told me to leave him alone. And with that, I have. There was event that we both attended and paid special attention to a mutual friend. I was hurt that he would do this in front of me at this time. He told me he treats all his female friends like that. I told him that she must've been his only female friend that night then (this pretty well much ceased any further communication from him as he got angry that I would think such a thing about him). He would stop by her work to see her and talk to her. He is still seeking that special attention from other females. I still wonder if his wife has really found out. He is wearing his wedding band again. I had to think back about how he treated me when we were friends. I cared for him deeply. I think it is different for a woman than it is for a man. He was able to "disconnect" himself, as he put it. I wonder if there really was any connection except that I was there to make him feel good about himself for a time. I feel foolish at times and at my age to believe what he told me. I do want him to be happy and to be there for his children as they grow and I don't want to be the cause of the disintegration of his marriage if that ever happens. I'm not even unhappy that he chose to keep his family and wife over me. I'm just angry about the way it ended I suppose. My emotions go back and forth, but I am getting better each and every day, but I still have days where I miss him and want to be close to him. I just enjoyed my time with him. Every woman dreams of someone like him in her life. I do everything I can to avoid being anywhere he might be, I come home and spend time with my kids and that's it. I am not unhappy doing that, but I am lonely once again as I was in my marriage and that's been pretty well much from the beginning. How sad. Regardless, I am dealing with extreme pain. I still have the letters he wrote me and even saved the text messages. I do not read them anymore. And when I have thoughts, I have to re-think the situation and realize that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. I have to remove myself when my heart starts to soften toward him and remember that he is no longer here and that I'm not important to him and he doesn't think about me or how I'm doing nor does he miss me. Get on with your lives, and if you can do it, forgive your spouse if you think he/she is worth it. Turn your spouses heart toward you and do everything you can to fill in the gap that the other person seems to be filling. It is RARE that spouses will leave their marriage for another person. I've seen it happen, but it is RARE. It has even happened in my own family.

Thank you. I needed to hear some of those things your said. It's so hard to deal with something you think you "lost" except I keep realizing over and over it was never there to begin with. Regardless, I just wanted you to know your words meant alot.

Hi there... I am a married male. I just found out my wife has been having a 3 mont affair. Yes things have been bad for 3 months, but things werent always bad. me and my wife seemed to have a good marriage. I alwasy had to work a lot (50-65 hours a week) just to make ends meet. My wife goes to school full time and works part time. so she hasn't been much help paying the morgage, or utility bills. I didn't mind much, i just wanted her to finish school, and get the job of her dreams.<br />
Anyway, when i found i kicked her out of our new house, and she was very sorry. She says she wants the family back, but wont ditch the piece of crap she had an affair on me with. There is nothing good about this guy. He is unemployed, no house just a crappy appartment, 20 years older than her, fat, bald, and just has nothing to offer her. Their relation ship is based on all lies, lies that would end the relation ship if she revield those lies. but still she wants her time, Im ok with this, but is scared to step up and do the right thing! Our kids are torn apart, neither of them get to have both loving parents in the house. (it messes kids up, I know). I think she knows what she wants, but is scared to finally step up, and fix things. I am a good husband, never cheated, never even thought of being with someone else! I made a promise when I got married, I wanted her for the rest of my life! I cant just sit back and throw it all away for a stupid mistake. I feel with concelling, and treatment, I can forgive her. Take it slow, and bring her and my son back into my life! She has never been good at dealing with conflick, now its there, I think shes scared! Ive done everything I can think of. I LOVE MY WIFE regardless of mistakes. I will work on anything! He has nothing to give her, but heart acke! I want to stop things, but I don't know where else to turn! Please if you have anything that can help, let me know. Adam

I too had a 3 year affair which just ended. I received 2 email valentines and emails that were full of terms of endearment. One day after I received one of these emails, my lover wrote and told me he had reconciled with his spouse over the last few weeks and he had to end the affair. This reconciliation supposedly occurred during the time he sent all these affectionate emails. <br />
<br />
I was taken completely by surprise and I am devastated. Any ideas on how I get through the next few weeks?

There can be no way to know what is in the other man's heart where you are concerned. Obviously the sex was good for you both but you don't know what type of committment he is prepared to make. As FUNMAN stated list the goods and bads of your marriage. Then have a very serious and honest talk with yourself. You are young and you need to decide if you are prepared to spend the next 50 years with someone you don't love or are you prepared to spend the next 50 years trying to repair a relationship that might never heal itself. One of the problems of marrying so young I think, one misses out on a lot of things and the dissatisfaction grows quicker. Plus as members of the INSTANT GRATIFICATION generation people tend to be less tolerant of the imprefections. So give it careful consideration for the decisions you make will affect the rest of your life, your husbands life and your child's life.

Hey Ladies and Gents! Well this will be a good outlet for me since I have been looking for some way to deal with this. I am 31 year old married woman. I have been married for 7 years but with my husband for 11. He was the moon and the stars to me. I did everything for him as I was raised to do. It just seemed like it was never enough for him still yet, I trusted him totally 110%. In 2007 I found out my husband cheated on me. He had been unhappy with how I looked for the last 2 years after I had our daughter cause I gained weight. I did everything, worked out, went on diet after diet. All I ever got was disgusting looks from him and I just felt so unattractive and unwanted. Yet I wanted to make the marriage work. You see, we always said that our children would grow up in the same home with their mother and their father. I decided to take matters in my own hands once I discovered that he was cheating and found a cell phone he was using to communicate with other women. I figured it was all because of the weight gain. I took out a loan and had 1/2 my stomach removed in Tijuana Mexico. I was so depressed; I just wanted my marriage back. In the process I damn near killed myself. The surgeon clipped my espophagus and caused a hemmorhage. I was 80% toward death. I ended up being hospitalized for 6 months. I was on feeding tubes, couldn't walk on my own, or eat real food or even drink. I could have nothing by mouth. The experience was horrific. After all this he and I decided to try again in 2008. He has tried but I just don't feel it anymore. I am still angry with him for ruining our bond and stepping outside of our vows. No matter what he does, I just don't think I will ever trust him again. I met my lover in September of 2008. Things did not develop with us pass talking on the phone and texting until 6 months later. It has now been a year and 4 months. He loves me, I love him. We are from 2 different worlds and he doesn't feel like he will ever be enough for me. I have a MA in education and will have my Doctorate soon. He has been in and out of jail and has just now at 30 been able to maintain a full time job for a year. We are on and off again every few weeks it seems like. This last enounter I think is the end for us. He feels like women are wanting him and I am holding him back but he does love me. He says I have too much to lose by being with him. I don't know if I am losing or winning by cutting it off with him and staying with a man that I truly don't even love anymore.

Keeping a marriage together takes incredible commitment and work. If you haven't already, I suggest looking into finding a marriage counselor. I had a 4 year affair and when my husband found out, I thought I would die. We were able to get to the root of it and we are now stronger than I ever imagined we could be. And he forgave me. If you care about your husband, try to make it work. If not, tell him what happened and cut him loose. Harsh, but these are your only choices for sanity.<br />
http://affairhealing.blogspot.com

Simple answer is if you dont fix the relationship with your husband chances are the problem will come up again in every other relationship you have with anyone else until you do...<br />
Fear makes us run away from what we perceive is the problem...but instead we take to the problem into the next relationship with us..cos that is where it is....

Comparing your lover to your husband is a losing proposition for everyone involved. Your lover will win this one every time hands down, because it is the only answer you will accept. Your lover, as a few have mentioned, is only reflecting back to you your best attributes, where your husband is giving it to you straight. Your love is easier to talk to, because no matter how many skeletons you show him, they have ZERO impact on his life or future. So of course you can share things with him that you can't share with your husband. Same goes for bartenders, hitchikers and priests. Grow up. <br />
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End your affair right now, and stop looking for reasons your marriage is lacking. Blaming your poor decisions and lack or morality on your marriage is a cop out. Sure, you may have issues, but none of them justify cheating. Something you'd realize immediately if you found out hubby was cheating too.

If you have screwed around on your new husband then there is no real true love there.<br />
The best thing you can do is get a divorce and hope your new BF will take you in.<br />
I was married 23 years and never messed around on her but she screwed around on me from the day we met. <br />
Good luck but consider your true feelings and his.

Every attempt to stay together for an external reason be it duty, responsibilities, children or friends will paralyze the relationship. Love can never unfold under such pressure: you will never be drawn towards your partner but will always feel unconsciously rejected.. And your partner won’t be able to develop a natural relation with you either, because consciously or unconsciously they will feel used and pressurized.. If the relationship has no inner strength and connection, there is no point in keeping it alive artificially. In such an empty shell of routine and duty you will dry out emotionally and at some point probably be confronted with exactly what you have been seeking to avoid, a separation.

we live only once and deserve to be happy. Staying in a relation because ... or for a child is BS and insane. If there is no inner strength in the relation it will end up some how at one point and believe it or not ! For a child the sooner the divorce the better because adult child of a divorce suffer more. The whole thing is to do it right. Two recommendation to read for anyone having an affair are: 1 - Love yourself and it dosen"t matter who you marry and 2- Self matters. We owe it to our self to be happy and being passive is like committing suicide

I've found that the affair I was in which recently ended do more to make me feel less than human and lower my self esteem. We all know in the back of our mind that what we are doing is wrong regardless of the current situation our marriages are in. I've spoke to some of you about my affair. I in no way try to justify it, it was simply wrong. But I came on here to talk to others about my emotions with the whole thing.

hey girl <br />
Got some realy bad new for you this guy don't care less about you or anyone else for that all he wants to do is get in your knickers and then walk away as if nothing has happened if you where to walk away from your husband u would be a fool cos this guy who loves u so much would disappear in a puff of smoke and u never see or hear from him ever again yes the sex is great but then its wrong so of cos if great but is it worth losing ur husband ur son and everything else for some fun i don't think so stop thinking with your knickers and get some help i suggest marriage councilling and a sex therpist to get you sex life back to wot it was when u first meet

hey girl <br />
Got some realy bad new for you this guy don't care less about you or anyone else for that all he wants to do is get in your knickers and then walk away as if nothing has happened if you where to walk away from your husband u would be a fool cos this guy who loves u so much would disappear in a puff of smoke and u never see or hear from him ever again yes the sex is great but then its wrong so of cos if great but is it worth losing ur husband ur son and everything else for some fun i don't think so stop thinking with your knickers and get some help i suggest marriage councilling and a sex therpist to get you sex life back to wot it was when u first meet

I had an affair with my college lecturer. Of late he has been back in touch. I was head over heels for him and nothing thought I could be with anyone else.<br />
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He acted like he wanted to be friends and I was soooo flattered that it wasnt just physical attraction but something deeper. I have only seen him a couple of times and because I have been behaved he has lost interest already and stopped talking to me. I feel absolutly gutted that I was nothing more than a piece on the side to him. <br />
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I think love is sticking with the person you have through the thick and thin. I cant say that I dont feel tempted some times to ask him to meet me at a hotel but I know the mental fall out for me!

A couple of points here.<br />
Did you ever love your husband? What changed? Does he trreat you different, or did the other man's intervention change your perspective?<br />
Did you get involved with the other man because of your husband's behaviour, because the other guy was more attentive, or because you were genuinely attreacted to him.<br />
It is possible to love more than one person. And sometimes you may love each person for different reasons. What you need to decide is if you can change the relationship with your husband into what it was originally. Talk to him. Tell him what you are missing from the relationship.<br />
Another option, which I don't recomend because it's difficult to maintain is: Continue both relationships, but inform your husband what you want. Leave it up to him to decide if he can live like that.<br />
Of course he would then be free to involve himself with another woman to attend whatever needs he isn't getting fulfilled by you.

all excitment and camestry gos away when u will b with him under one roof den start again !!! a good and respectful man is what every woman need a family man who would take care of her and the kids ....lovers r momently pleasure but family is the real lasting pleausure..<br />
the problem is <br />
-most women never get sexualy satisfied frm the 1 partner ...<br />
-bcoz most if not all men get bored havin (s) with the same woman all the time..

I think you should just continue to have sex because that seems to satisfy your physical need.

I think you should just continue to have sex because that seems to satisfy your physical need.

I have been married for 21 years I too had an affair with a lady who was in a sexless marriage as was I. We both enjoyed the time together but it was just physical and we both were able to try things that our spouse would never do. We both traveled a great deal and were able to meet in other citys. This went on for over 6 years and she lost her job and is now a housewife so the affair ended. We still talk to each other are still friends. So only leave because you don't love you husband not because what you think you might have. If you were with this person all the time the flame would go down a little or maybe a lot all depends.

I had an affair and that ended and nothing hurt more than knowing that after all that happened, he was not there for me - he was always going to choose his family over me. <br />
It was my husband who i cried to when the other guy shattered me emotionally and mentally. <br />
I still think about him, but it gets better some days. <br />
Save yourself the heartache and walk away. It will hurt for what seems like an eternity. <br />
Dont walk away from your family - at the end of the day, you will be much happier being with people who can love you openly and honestly in the REAL world . <br />
Affairs arent real in true feelings you know. They are only real in the pain they cause to everyone who experiences the effects of one.

We can never institutionalize emotions but we can think with our heads other than our heart. Love is one mistry all human kind fail to understand and I guess we can never understand it. When we fall inlove we get so fulfiled, excited, content but the biggest challenge is that when this happens there are million other people to think about. for instance in your case it's your husband and child and the fear of what other people will say. this is the most diffucult time but do what is best for you and be prepared to deal with the outcomes whether positive or negative. I wish you the best.

We can never institutionalize emotions but we can think with our heads other than our heart. Love is one mistry all human kind fail to understand and I guess we can never understand it. When we fall inlove we get so fulfiled, excited, content but the biggest challenge is that when this happens there are million other people to think about. for instance in your case it's your husband and child and the fear of what other people will say. this is the most diffucult time but do what is best for you and be prepared to deal with the outcomes whether positive or negative. I wish you the best.

crazy4polka.....kristennoelle78! .I agree with both of you. Get ride of the lover till you get your marriage worked out or you are out of your marriage....you have a kid, and you will never get your husband out of your life till the child is 18... so fix it or get out of it ....lovers cause pain.....belive me ..... i have been there done that and it was the same old thing you always get cought...some how ...and you always lose<br />
just my thoughts<br />
Lea

I agree with the advice given so far. Work on your marriage. Cut off all contact with the other man.

list out all the goods and the bads of each of them and then weigh them out and see who comes on top as per your requirement. then follow your gut feeling

I know how you feel I'm in the same situation except I'm the one texting and calling and we are both married .She is the one unsure of what to do. I would give anything to have her and i realized that because of that one of two things need to happen I need to seperate from my wife or my wife needs to try and fill the the gaps in our relationship. If she cant fix these gaps then whether or not my other will leave her husband isnt the issue because no matter how you look at it your not happy with who you are with. Now Im stuck trying to figure out how to show my other how much she means to me. I think it would be best to stop trying to fool yourself and to start to move on cause the longer you stay the harder it will get.

I want to leave him not to be with this other man, but because i'm not happy with him. I have tired to make it work but i don't even feel attracted to my husband anymore. All I think about latley is how much i miss being with this other man. I'm having a hard time getting over this other guy because honestly neither of us wanted it to end. I too need to finish my degree, becasue i dont have anywhere to go where i can support myself and my son.

I am sorry that you are in this situation. I too have a simular situation. I am in an affair. It has not gotten physical yet but I'd like for it to. As far as leaving my husband for this man I dont think so. I love the time we spend together and what he means to me. he helps bring sanity into my life and I am in love with this man. but leaving my husband for him isnt an option. if i were to leave i think it would be becasue i dont want to be married to my husband. What I really want is time to be single. I too told my husband. My affair ended for a few weeks. We are talking again. we seem to be closer now than before. My husband is more attentive at times. This was my first affair in 13 years. It was a wake up call. I feel that a decision doesn't have to be made right away. I am preparing myself by finishing my degree so that I can support myself if I decide to leave.

From the other side though, how would he feel, you are already consciously working out and dealing with a possible future loss of your husband. For him if you left, it would be like pulling the rug out from underneath him, his world would collapse and the worst part is you may have moved on years ago. I feel as though having your cake and eating it to is an Ayn Rand ideal that leaves you in the drivers seat and all of his compassion and change of heart wont make a decision because it's one your making on your own.

I think the best thing to do is to figure out what this guy was giving you that is missing in your marriage, and see if the two of you can work through it. Obviously, if you go back to seeing him, your marriage is going to fall apart; you wouldn't have stopped seeing him otherwise, right? And, my guess is, your marriage does mean something to you, or you would have just walked away for him. I hope you can work it out, and I wish you luck whichever route you choose...but I do think you're going to have to make a choice, and soon.