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I Had An Affair

I'M Having An Affair

By: Clairebear38
Written on February 11th, 2013
I'm having affair, me and my husband have drifted apart due to me having depression, I've fallen out of love with him his more like a friend, I have told my husband that my feelings for him have changed & he broke down and I stayed but I know deep down I don't want to be there anymore as my. Guilt for the affair lives with me everyday, I can't keep living a lie but I don't want to hurt my husband, I know I have already by having the affair but whe. I told him I didn't love him anymore he was broken which made me stay?
I'm so confused to what to do :/
By: Clairebear38
Age: 36-40 , Female
645 people have read this story

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13 responses
  • datadue
    datadue

    Hi Clairebear38 I read through your response and I think that you need professional help. I believe that you need therapy to help you sort out what is it you really want to do in this situation. why don't you make up your mind and confess all to him and allow him to make the choice to stay or go I think that this half confession is what is causing you to be confused and guilty.
    datadue

    Feb 18
    1 like
  • BestPlayer
    BestPlayer

    My question is If you dont love your H & want to walkaway , why exactly you decided to marry him ? Drifted apart ? in other words bored & want to meet new guys ?
    Listen it doesn't make sense when you say I don't want hurt my H yet go & have sex with your lover .

    Feb 13
    1 like
    • Clairebear38
      Clairebear38

      Thanks for your reply, I married him cause I loved him & thought we would be together for life, but then my feelings changed I didn't ask them to!! Then I found my self turning to a friend for help which yeah did lead to more than just friendship, I wasn't board far from it, me & my husband was becoming more & more like friends everyday, its hard to explain, I'm not making excuses for myself as what I did was totally wrong & I will live with that for ever, i don't wanna meet new guys I just wanna be happy which i feel is on my own,

      Feb 14
      1 like
  • xillygurl
    xillygurl

    Wow, your in pretty much the same situation that I'm in right now! I know how hard this is! I cant believe how rude, immature, and hurtful people's comments here to you are! Screw them, if they cant try to stop and see things through somebody elses eyes than their own, then they aren't worth reading. Seriously. I know how you feel. I've been married for 14 years and I never cheated, not even once. For the past few years him and I have grown apart, and a while back he had a brain injury which affected his personality, and its like he's an empty shell of a person and getting worse all the time. I NEVER thought of myself as someone that would cheat, but you know what? Even the most devoute christian, the most perfect NON cheating type of person can get caught up in situations they never thought they'd ever be capable of. People who judge, have obviously not had that opportunity arise, so they couldn't possibly understand. Its like you live in a loveless marriage for so long that when someone comes along who dangles what you've been CRAVING emotionally (and physically too) right in front of you, what do you do? Walk away from everything you've needed for so long because, its the "right," thing to do? Well not all of us have that strength, especially when we've felt broken for so long. I'm not saying cheating is right. I'm saying that it can happen to anyone, nomatter how perfect you think you are. Everyone has the ability to cheat, even if they never thought it possible. Good luck in your situation clairebear38, I feel your pain, trust me!

    Feb 12
    1 like
    • Clairebear38
      Clairebear38

      Thank you for your reply & for understanding, the reason I haven't walked away is because my husband beg me to stay when I told him I didn't love him anymore that was before I even had an affair, I'm just don't want to break his heart but I know if he found out he'd be even more broken, but I'm only staying with him to make him happy

      Feb 12
      1 like
    • cleanclean
      cleanclean

      Clairebear38, I understand your situation. I'm in a situation exactly like your, just that I so much fought for our relationship not to get here. I also still love my wife as a good friend. If you read my story, I've noted that she now is trying to keep me in, while I've given up and wanting to leave.
      I've realized that the sooner I make my decision the sooner hearts will start settling. You don't want something to happen that will make the premise of decision making shaken, like I did when I had an affair.
      I wish you well.

      Feb 12
      1 like
    • BestPlayer
      BestPlayer

      Tell you franckly , the best way to justify any of our actions is to blame it to feelings & pretend to be a helpless victim that our feelings changed ,even when we never wanted it to change .Isn't so convenient saying ' Its not my fault ,I have no control on what I do , its my feelings ' .?

      Feb 18
      1 like
    • Clairebear38
      Clairebear38

      I'm not just blaming it all on my feelings & I no a have no one to blame but myself but its happen & there's ongoing back, I don't think no matter how hard I try I will ever love my husband like I once did,

      Feb 18
      1 like
    1 More Reply
  • datadue
    datadue

    Hi Clairebear36 This is a very sad situation. I feel for you and I also feel for your husband.
    I am not writing to condemn you but hopefully to help you. If you are sure of your feelings for your husband I will suggest that you leave and get a divorce and let him get on with his life and you with yours, but if you have any doubt and you still have some feelings for him then please seek some counselling and try to get your marriage and your life together.
    Datadue

    Feb 11
    1 like
    • Clairebear38
      Clairebear38

      I want to leave & walk away and just be me on my own, but I've seen how broken he is when I told him I didn't love him anymore, & why should he live unhappy for me to be happy!

      Feb 12
      1 like
    • datadue
      datadue

      My dear Clairbear38, let me tell you something, it is alright to feel for your husband that is human because you and your husband shares a life together and it is natural that you feel guilty and bad about the whole situation. There is something called emotional control. That is when someone is trying to control another person by making that person feels bad about a relationship that has gone bad. Please don't do that to your self, don't allow anyone to do that to you if your mind has already been made up and you feel and know that, that relationship is over for you don't stay out of guilt it won't work. I am a person who believes in marriage and also believe that things can be worked out. That does not seems as if this is the case. You asked the question; why should your husband be unhappy for you to be happy? The answer is simple, you are not responsible for your husband's happiness if he choses to be unhappy that is his choice not yours. You are responsible for your happiness and wellbeing. not him. I am a mother and grandmother and I understand about life and human nature. People only have power over you if you allow them too. Datadue

      Feb 14
      1 like
    • Clairebear38
      Clairebear38

      His not controlling, I just see it as why should I be happy and he be unhappy all because I feel out of love with him, :/

      Feb 18
      1 like
  • cleanclean
    cleanclean

    The affair has an excitement which has caused your body to produce dopamine, which is a chemical in the brain that gives humans a balance which enables us to function properly. Parkinson's disease is the result of having too little dopamine, while schizophrenia is caused by having too much. Your body is able to produce the required amounts based on external stumuli such as excitement, happiness, contentment etc. Too much of it is often caused when the body's chemistry is altered by narcotics etc.
    Interestingly, the altitude of your relationship(s) does determine your future altitude of your mental health, something that many people don't put into perspective. However, stability of relationships ALSO does determine your mental and physiological health.
    You need to settle for a stable and happy relationship. Every person has a unique definition of stability. Some is money, some is sex, some is security, some is companionship etc. Don't laugh at someone else reason for stability because the absence of it will cause them to have depression. Clearly identify yours, then settle for a relationship where you'll both serve each other with each other's needs. Also, just check out that your husband may too be lacking some excitement, which when he get's some, it'll awake the fun guy in him and be the guy you are looking for. Or he may not be.
    I hope this makes sense.
    I wish you well and happiness.

    Feb 11
    1 like