A Child Born From Sin, Part II

My previous post was a detailed explanantion on my childhood traumas as well as my life, but in this portion I will be furthering detailing my thoughts on being born from an affair.

A month ago (right before Christmas) my father (who I had been estranged to for most of my life,) told me the truth of my conception in which when I was conceived he was married and my mother was his mistress. I still remember the conversation like if it was yesterday, my dad had told me in such a blunt manner, "Look son, you are a love child, you know that, right?", in which I replied "what are you talking about?", from there my father explained to me about how he met my mother and started an adulterous relationship with her which led to my birth. At the time the news hit me really hard, I started questioning what my father really saw me as, did he see me as his son or his bastard child? Along side that I had this overwhelming idea that my older brother hated me for being born. The woman my father was married too at the time of my birth was my older brother's mother and the reason they divorced wasn't because my father had an affair but it was because a child was born from that affair, that child being me. The mere idea of my older brother hating me because I was born destroyed me, I couldn't stop crying for weeks, I still can't stop crying.
Cerorizo Cerorizo
18-21, M
1 Response Feb 19, 2013

Base your life on what you do to others, but not what others do to you. Only then can you choose to be happy or sad, and others will not determine that for you. Hating is a choice you have to make, it doesn't just happen. Problem is, hate negatively affects the hater more than the hated.
You've got to choose a life if happiness, and dump, but not forget your history, which is just a stench far behind you.
Just know, in case I meet you today, I'll be attracted to you by your fortitude, not by your victimization.
I may not fully relate to your story, but I have step brothers who my living dad has deserted, and my brother and I are working hard to get through school.
Choose the paths that will lead you to happiness. I wish you happiness and strength.

It's very difficult having to experience what I did again and again but its the idea of becoming different then all of them that is really pushing me to strive

It's inspiring to hear you are striving to be different from them. This makes you an author of something good out of something bad that would have gotten worse. It's not easy though. It takes a lot of will power and wisdom. Deciding not to cultivate the seed of strife but instead propagate friendship. Little will you know, but you will unconsciously be building the bridges that they have intentionally broken. Remember, do this with a lot of humility because you'll get up there, and you'll see your step family seek to identify with you as family. Don't shrug them off like they did to you, just love them but DON'T be like them. I wish you all the best.