I once fell for someone other than my husband in our 3rd year of marriage. He made me feel things i never felt.
He awakened that side of me.
I wanted to please him because of that.
How did he do it?

The way he let me know how attracted he was. (I don't think all of the ways i perceived it was intentional by him)


The way over a long period of time i struggled with my feelings about knowing he had those feelings about me. I was gradually able to accept these feeling of being desirable sexually. Something that never happened with husband because he just took.

I liked that he wanted me but couldn't have me in a way. I liked that i had a choice - rather than being taken for granted by my husband as i was accustom to. It made me feel special and my opinion and feelings mattered.

I was allowed to feel.
I was allow to consider what i wanted. At one point he asked me what i wanted- and it surprised me-
what does that mean?
I can want?
I'll have to think about that!

Comparing his obvious intention of wanting me for reasons of lust was ironically refreshing because in the courtship of my engagement the sexual attraction was masked with lots of other things: liking me for mind, personality, goodness, talents, common interests, common religion, ability to be a friend, wife, life partner etc.
When actually the main driving force of the relationship was his desire for a sex partner if truth be told i believe. Realizing this was infuriating that i was felt tricked by all of societies conventions and institutions. Religion & Marriage.
Saddiie Saddiie
46-50, F
4 Responses Aug 16, 2014

So, you said this other man made you think/feel the following things... "I was allowed to feel.
I was allow to consider what i wanted. At one point he asked me what i wanted- and it surprised me-
what does that mean?
I can want?
I'll have to think about that!" Marriage takes two. After going through the affair and having this "awakened" in you... why didn't you feel or consider what you wanted in your marriage?

I did. My romantic notions were tied to the other out of gratitude or something crazy - oh then hubs just wanted to kill me cuz he found out ... Not enticing

I know how you feel. Had a similar experience and have to live with it. Not easy.

What til happens again 😬

It does get better

U think? Not in my experience

Takes time, years in fact. Hang in there...

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I totally get how you feel, i'm married and involved with a coworker. If Anyone is going through something similar and want to chat and share experiences just message me

That is sad that you both couldn't do what you wanted to do.

Its more about my awakening to the idea that i could consider my own feelings for the first time. I wasnt even sure what i wanted. But this experience opened up the possibility that i could actually feel and explore those feelings if i wanted and chose to. I wanted to but i wasnt sure he was the one i wanted to do that with.

I can understand those feelings.

Do you want to expand on that?

I was dating this one woman when I was in my 20's and she acted like she didn't care if I was around or not some of the time. This other woman and I were good friends and would kid each other and there was a lot of sexual tension between us. She even told me of her feelings but, being the type of guy I didn't want to cheat and turn her down.

Regret? Your do over would be ....

I would have have taken her up on it because she made me feel wanted. I would have left the other woman and did after awhile but, we lost contact and I never saw her again since she moved out of the state.

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