It's amazing how much power we give the other person to have on us, I have been feeling like an idiot for the last three days why coz he hasn't been contacting me so yesterday I was like that's it it's over can't do this anymore this is not a life I don't need these emotions to control my reality the way I act with family with friends and my attitude at work those things I'm gonna have at the end of the day and him not so much I need to take care of those things, but he thn msgs me and everything walks out the door but I stopped my self and was like yes ur happy he texted but it's still not everything..
I guess I need to find balance how do u do that?
sunshineab sunshineab
26-30, F
3 Responses Aug 20, 2014

I know exactly where you are coming from. Take me back to the earlier stages of our affair he had all control over me. All it would take for me to have a really sad and depressing day was if I hadn't received a text from him. This lasted months...id drop everything if I knew i had a chance to meet up with him, I always made myself available and I guess I 'barked at his every command' but with time... I came to realise what had happened, and what I got myself into. Even though I knew this was an affair I allowed my head and my heart to think it was more, and I guess that is only natural?? Especially when you have this person in your life that speaks to you like a princess ect. It's all new and exciting anyway.. I realised that all this will ever be is an affair, and I had two options. Option one being to become emotionally attached,and act as a sideline girlfriend that becomes needy,emotional,clingy..or just be the women he is having an affair with. Who let's him know if she had spare time, and when she has it. Who asks how his day was but doesn't ask to much about his life,who gets back to him when he texts her... But does not get into deep thought about him...does not wait by the phone for a text or a call..but takes everyday as it comes, enjoys life! Since looking at it this way, things are great. I love our affair. If I don't hear from him for a week it does not affect me, because I know that no mater what he will contact me, after all I know that he knows he has it good.. He gets the best of both worlds without the drama in between.. He gets to go home to his family, and do all that family type stuff but he also gets to meet up with another women every so often who takes him away from reality, who takes him back to his young days where sex was everything. He gets to have a bit of a change. I hope I'm making sense here.... I could talk for hours on this subject. Anyone who wants to talk or wants advice, anything like that. I'm here :)

Oh and some might be thinking 'don't you feel used' but if you think about it, we've all had a choice, we all knew from day dot what an affair is an what it means, we all knew where we stood.

I'm a man and can relate to everything that you wrote. Wow.

Just curious how often do you see him?

I see him once every 3-4 months. Sometimes longer. Some people might think 'how the hell do you wait that long' 'how are you so patient'. To be honest, it makes things much more exciting... And new. It never gets 'same old' or 'boring'. And we only text or speak to each other over the phone once maybe twice a week. I just find it so much easier this way, we didn't come to any agreement at all either. I just don't put him in the ' important person' category of my life, I just see him as the man that I am having an affair with, the man whom I see every couple of months who also takes me away from reality, who doesn't ask me to commit but gives me everything you'd ask for in a relationship when we are together. It works perfect. In saying this, we don't just treat eachother like meat lol but we are both well and truly on the same page now. And it's great:)

1 More Response

That I think takes time.it does happen and you don't freak if you have a quite day of contact.
I think no contact for 3 days is a bit much.i remember telling my OM if he wanted me to take risks on marriage then I had to feel satisfied.otherwise what was the point.He knows if he wants to be with me no contact is not acceptable.
I'd tell him how it makes you feel.he probably doesn't even realise it's upset you

Would love to talk to you further