“Whenever someone who knows you disappears, you lose one version of yourself. Yourself as you were seen, as you were judged to be. Lover or enemy, mother or friend, those who know us construct us, and their several knowings slant the different facets of our characters like diamond-cutter's tools. Each such loss is a step leading to the grave, where all versions blend and end.”

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This is a quote from one of Salman Rushdie's books. It explains why losing your lover and friend is so detrimental... Just thought I'd share
Marmelade
marmelade marmelade
51-55, F
7 Responses Aug 21, 2014

I would argue that you don't ever lose the version that was revealed...it is still there, in you. The revealing has helped shape you into what you are....it isn't lost...ever. The losing is also shaping. "Each loss is a step to the grave" nonsense every passing second is a step toward the grave, whether you experienced the revealing or the loss.
Losing your lover and friend isn't detrimental unless you decide to look at it that way. Having your friend and lover was enlightening and the effect of the loss is in your own hands. How we choose to handle it and cope...determines the impact. The potential for positive and negative is there. We do have control of the outcome.......
at least I keep telling myself that.... :-/

I didn't like where the quote ended either bowman. I agree with you that once you accept the loss you have the choice to reinvent yourself. It takes time and work though, as some people we meet tend to ease a part of us that was dormant before we met them xo

I also love "loosing is also shaping" thank you for that bowman :)

When I come across a passage that describes a loss similar to mine (and yours), I feel like I can try and deconstruct my pain by understanding what the departed shined a light on (that I sorely miss). I have a need to retrieve this now "rootless" part of me, and replant it into another fertile avenue in my current life. I love people for who they are, not as just reinforcement to me. With this situation, I allowed myself to be revealed "in the raw" as it was making me whole by supplementing all the ingredients that were missing. The acceptance of each other's weaknesses was inherent to the rapport. As with the passing of our parents or close friends who have no choice but leave, we have to come to terms with all they unveiled in us, try and preserve the memory of the bond by acknowledging that we really "saw" each other. They loved us for it, they healed us, then had to go back to their own journey. Their love stays with us, till we're ready to release it forward, growing it tenfold.

Not only losing a person, but moving, changing jobs, leaving school....change can be tough.

I love this way of looking at things. I felt as though I had lost a part of the child I once was when I lost my mother. But it's also true that we lose other versions of us as we lose friends and lovers.

Beautiful quote. Helps the mind to understand why the heart hurts so bad. And once the mind understands, it will find the strength to will the heart to its purpose.

Marmelade,
you are amazing!

I have Rushdie books I hide in my bookshelf.

Some are here to spread their wisdom. Their penmanship can sound mystical but it is simple to an act that tells much. It is not just a super level disappearance.. there is an underlying that you well know why.. and the one who knows should match up their own to decipher the true standing.

Does explain a lot....losing AP and mom to close together....it's rough

Lost my father at the same time too. Interesting, same astrology sign...