Compartmentalizing....It seems men are better at this than women. For those that can (both men and women) does it ever spill over? And are you truly happy in your "primary" relationship?
pencruz pencruz
51-55, F
8 Responses Aug 22, 2014

Well, I'm very happy in my relationship and yet I love affairs. Getting with someone new is very exciting! But I always keep it real and make sure they understand it's only an affair. Knowing there's no potential for more eliminates a lot of potential candidates, though. Enjoy and take care!

It does seem men in general have a more focused or singular way of thinking. Whereas women seem to be able to think on multiple things in parallel. Or in Nerd talk, men are like MS windows and women are like Unix operating systems. I can only think of one thing at a time, though I can be fairly random, but only thinking of one thing.

I think generally most men are better at compartmentalizing than women, as long as we see it as a physical thing and can man-up and control our emotions.-
But I know I have failed at it a couple of times. -
I could be wrong but it seems men's egos are definitely more fragile and not as resilient as a woman's.-
Some men do extra curricular activities simply out of boredom.-

I'm very good at it. Am I truly happy in my primary? No. If I was I wouldn't step out.

The echoes of happiness from when I was last with lover keep me going...

But is it that easy to check it at the door?

Yeah kinda.

It's very easy.. You have your primary life that u have worked so hard to build..and would not compromised for anything and anyone.. Yes it's lacking a particular area.. Bring in the AP.. His lacking the same thing in his life.. So we create a secondry compartment for the affair we r having.. Where we both know we will never leave our primary life but yet make time to enjoy each other in the secondary life.. And yes.. The only emotions allowed in the secondary compartment should be Lust.. Desire .. Attraction..NOTHING ELSE!!

That's where I ****** up

Nobody is fully satisfied in a primary relationship if they have a secondary one. A person risks his primary relationship for the secondary one, so is it really secondary? Do we risk what we value the most for what we value less? Keeping things separate has never worked for me. That applies to all areas of my life. I bring work home and home to work. When I had my affair while married, I brought hairs from my lover that were stuck in my beard to my wife. I think separation is an illusion.

Onalert, wow i never thought of it that way. The risk part, the primary, secondary...thank you for sharing!

I have never (yet) been in a situation where one compromises another. For me the compartmentalization tends to be in relation to independent asepcts of relationships. I think, as time goes on and one reflects, it becomes easier to pose the question as to why should it? It's not so very different in principle from having disparate circles of friends - with oneself perhaps the only common factor. Of course, the one thing that one cannot get away from is the fact - assuming the affair is not a permissive one - that one is exercising a deception. I can only - partially - justify that because my 'needs' cannot be reconciled by acting openly. There are many who would judge me for that, and I have no real defence but can only justify to myself through a certain degree of selfishness.

I thought I was good at compartmentalization but the double life did wear at me and each part affected the other.

And if we were truly happy on our primary relationships then we wouldn't have affairs.

Thank you Wulbury....somehow it is nice to hear that it is hard, for men too!