So MM went all the way to work over a 30 min drive..when he got there he realized he left his work phone home!! No lock on it!! W was home...
He texted and said Everything is ok but he's not in a good place right now... haven't heard from him sense then.. Men!!! No lock???
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3 Responses Aug 25, 2014

You know....both of you should think about it this way:
If he were on the way to work and he got into an accident (and perished) his wife would eventually find out.
So, the point is to not just lock the phone, but get one of those invisible apps that let you text without having to lock the phone at all. They exist and work well.
You don't want his wife or your husband learning about an affair after you have passed.

I use an android device. I don't know about Apple or BB, but basically do a search for "text, secret, invisible"
Basically, it is an app that appears in your app list as some other application (say a calculator) if you open it, it will look like a simple calc, but it you punch in the right code....boom, it opens the full app. That way, nobody even knows.
I've not had to use one because I have a separate work phone, under which I use a different (male) name for her. Then, I also delete the messages. Plus I have a lock on that phone so the kids don't get into it and ruin it. So, for me, such an app is not necessary. BUT, my other phone is actually my wife's account, so you can see how it would be necessary otherwise.

Not meaning to be a kill joy, but most affairs are found out. By phone, different smells, loose hairs, dressing nicer than normal, losing weight, improved mood, eating less, emails, EP, txt messages, etc. It usually starts with an intuitive thought which raises awareness. It does add some excitement to the whole experience. Which is partly why affairs will always happen to a few adventure seekers :). Clandestine anything is exciting.

It will be okay. I'm sorry for the pain you feel. Another attribute of affairs, breakups, often many of them. I would like to understand someday why that is. As a single, I always had only one breakup per relationship.

Totally understand. I would take a wild guess that he's trying to do the right thing, otherwise known as playing some artificial role. He doesn't really know himself. Unfortunately, it hurts the people in his life.

Sounds nice on the surface. But think about it. He valued your relationship more than his marriage, by risking it to be with you. He was willing to hurt his wife then. Somewhere along the way, he shifts from willing to hurt her to hurting you. He may even think he's saving his wife from hurt or undoing the past. It cannot be undone. It will never be forgotten. Odds are high she will find out someday anyway. He started his action knowing and willing to cause her temporary emotional pain. He valued you more then. He is valuing her more now. This is the confusion element. Odds are good he's unaware of his choices and their meaning. Doesn't mean you don't.

This is me. I thought I was being clever in a horrible way as I hated it. But I've lost weight, eat better, getting fit, out more, dressing nicer, looking after my beauty regime better, talking to different friends not my usual ones who will pick up on stuff. I'm an obvious case.

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Oh please like his wife couldn't figure out the code before it hard locked. She's his wife for a reason.

Now that's funny my husband wouldn't have a clue.not all of us are stupid enough to use birthdays!!