OK EP friends, what I want to know is how is your life after the affair? I feel stuck. I feel like I cannot move forward with my wife. There is a huge void in our relationship and I'm not sure I want to work on fixing it. Have any of you made it work with your spouse? Did you leave? Where are you at after the affair?
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7 Responses Aug 30, 2014

Affairs create huge wounds in a marriage. The ones that succeed afterward are the ones that work very hard to heal those wounds. If you aren't willing to make the effort to repair the damage, then you will probably remain dissatisfied living in a wounded marriage.

Your right. I'm the one who cheated but every time I go back to my H and try my best to work it out he always remind me of what I have done. He always say " it's easy to forgive but it's hard to forget ". From then on I just give up of working it out. It's no use if he's gonna remind me of the past.

My husband is a private person and does not want anybody to know about our private lives. I tried to convince him if we could go to a marriage counselor but he does not want to. I know we could not do it without the help of a therapist or a marriage counselor. I guess he has already given up the idea we could still make things work. Right now were still living in the same house but separate bedrooms (for almost 2 years already), we do our own thing (I'm still seeing my OM), I still take care of the house and kids. He does not want to divorce me ( I don't know why) but he said not until my youngest graduate from high school (she's in 8th grade now). I still care for my husband but the spark has long gone.

I left my OM last last April that's when I started to patch up things with my husband. I tried everything to work things out but he always act like I don't exist. He always ask me "are you coming home this weekend?" Even thou he knows I'm not seeing the OM anymore. the other thing is he also does not include me with the activities with the kids. They go on vacation without me. They don't even tell me where or when they are coming back. I feel like I'm just a border living at home. We just do our own thing. I even ask him if we can do counseling but he said no. I also told him if he could just divorce me so we could live our own lives but he said not until my youngest finishes high school. He said do whatever you want, just don't bother me with the divorce. My husband said " things are through with us" So last July I went back to the OM.

Without sounding sarcastic or smart, I tell you that is exactly the reason I never told and never will about my affair, even believe me, I wanted to many times. There are no doubt in my mind that my H would mock me into it every time he could for years to come.

I just felt I owe him an explanation and if he still wants me back then he needs to hear and accept what happened.

I just read all you comment. Gosh, your life sounds very difficult, sorry, especially about being excluded. Hugs!

Thanks! But life must go on.

4 More Responses

I feel like I need a fresh start. I'm spinning my wheels and am no further ahead
My ow has changed me forever.
I still see her from time to time and that makes it hard to move forward
I'm still married but it's a shell of a marriage
I've tried to make it work with my W but i feel we aren't going to it last
Most days I'm miserable when I'm around my W
Some days im sad and angry
I need to hit the bottom so I can start climbing back up

I'm in the same situation and I'm back in forth with the feelings of whether I want my marriage to work and it's because I still love the OM. I love my husband too but there's so much missing

Does your wife know that you had an affair?

Are you trying to move forward together or are you trying on your own?

May I ask you a question? The woman you cheated with. Did you have feelings for her, or was she just a body? I'm only asking because I'm an OW.

Thank you. He tells me all the time he's in love with me. Everyone tells me it's just physical, but it's not.

I feel the same ....

Yep same here!

I am in the exact same boat as you