My Story With Anorexia

I'll put my story here in case it helps anyone. From 19 or 20 to age 24 I had anorexia...I am 5'10" and was about 145-150 in highschool, average body size but very nice shape and busty, so I had boyfriends and was considered 'very pretty' and ate whatever i wanted, pooped whenever I wanted (haha) and just never really thought about it. I was president of the drama club, cheerleader, I decided to leave my small  town and head  to NYC and go to acting school...well when i arrived, i was picked up by a modeling agency b/c I was so tall and good looking and even though I was 'a little old' HA!, I had such 'personality' and a 'fresh face'...and they wanted me to lose a 'little weight' take my 38 inch hips to 34 inches...hmmm..didn't quite know what that meant but sure! so it began. I took ephedra, now off the market (rec by the very nice agency:) excercised excessively, and my diet consisted of a grapefruit for breakfeast and if I was 'skinny' a hard boiled egg, melon for lunch, and steamed veggies for dinner sometimes tofu or plain chicken if I was 'skinny', plus, I took all sorts of laxatives and smoke excessively. Then It got to the point where I cut out dinner and just drank a bottle of red wine bc the diet pills had me so freaking jumpy I couldn't sleep (a great tip from a gay photographer's assistant). Well, all through this, I miraculously managed to act in some Shakespearean productions which was the highlight of that time because i don't know how I memorized the lines being i was drunk every night and developed an alcohol problem that still f's with me today and was doing ecstacy every weekend (the underground rave scene was big then in Brooklyn) and going to upscale parties and stuff during the week...but I digress...on my 24th birthday, I was 105 pounds! I remember I drank like, 20 cosmos and all I'd eaten all day was some steamed asparagus, someone had bought me a chocolate torte from dean and deluca, and I was terrified of the f'n thing...I woke up in my apartment's kitchen, naked, blacked out from the night before, and I had eaten the ENTIRE THING!!! well, I don't know, I was PO'd bc I didn't remeber it...and I thought...'wasted calories'. Then I cried bc I was like, I want birthday cake! well anyway, of course I was such a mess, my husband at the time didn't want anything to do w me between my drunkeness and my ED, I would just barely show up to went on for one more week tho...I had a dentist appt...i've always had gorgeous teeth, but when I went, I had 8 cavities! Every one of my back molars was decaying because of lack of nutrients! So I just decided, enough is enough! I quit modeling and told them to f off. I started EATING...TONS! And drinking BEER! And completely stopped excercising (I was also a compulsive excerciser) I got up to 160 pounds in like 3 months...then I was really depressed. My old ways started to kick in. So then what I started to do like a low carb thing...and 'normal' excercising. That's what I do today still. I sought treatment for my alcoholism and spoke to my family doctor about my ED. So now I do yoga 2-3 times a week, and go to the gym 2-3 times a week, and do self talk if i am busy or miss a day...I actually had to have a medical procedure where I couldn't excercise for 3 weeks recently and i was actually ok, which was huge! And I try and eat very few 'man made' carbs, and eat 3 meals a day, and lite protein for snacks, i do the Sinclair method with naltrexone for my alcoholism because rehab and AA didn't work for me, and i smoke about 2-5 cigs a day. I'm now 34 and have been able to maintain my weight at 132-138 pounds.  I mean, It's not perfect, I still look in the mirror and feel huge somedays, I still drink too much sometimes, if i get bad news or trauma I might chain smoke, but it is not out of control...we all have our demons:)
2 Responses Jul 29, 2010

I feel your pain. A great and sad read, one time when I was drunk I ate a massive kebab and pizza, and spent my time drunk over the toilet throwing it up so much. The next day I must have had a split in my stomach because there was blood in my Poop (ew right?), and I was vomiting up green red bile.<br />
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I still have problems with this.

Yes we do and thank you for sharing with us! Hugs & Good Luck, LW