Thrilled To Be Noticed
I was never fat per se, but average. In middle school, my first real boyfriend cheated on me. For some reason, I decided that if I were prettier (and thinner) he wouldn't have. So, I started excercising. I would go for runs, do countless sit ups, and even got a wii fit so I could be thin. However none of this really worked, so I thought if I cut down on eating I could be thinner. I never ate desert. I skipped breakfast many mornings and rarely at lunch at school. I would say I forgot it if anyone asked, or that I had a huge breakfast. This method started to work, and it felt great to know that even though I wasn't the prettiest, richest, or coolest girl, I was the thinnest in a room. My parents forced me to eat dinner, but I slowly ate less and less, telling them I had a bunch of snacks while they were at work still. I worked my way down to eating only about a half a meal a day. I tried many times to make myself throw up, because I'd feel fat and gross after eating anything at all, but I never could do it. I started to feel constantly sick and just bad. I didn't look good either, I realize now, but I sure thought I looked great then. After a few months, I had a particularily rough weekend. I ate one meal over 4 days. I felt just completely awful, so I decided to tell one of my friends. Until then I had never admittied to having a problem, and just to say it helped a lot. I slowly started to eat more and more, and even though I felt disgusting my friend helped me stay with it. I took the scale out of my room and tried to convince myself the numbers didnt matter. I still have longings for that body sometimes, but I feel a whole lot better now.