Thrilled To Be Noticed

I was never fat per se, but average. In middle school, my first real boyfriend cheated on me. For some reason, I decided that if I were prettier (and thinner) he wouldn't have. So, I started excercising. I would go for runs, do countless sit ups, and even got a wii fit so I could be thin. However none of this really worked, so I thought if I cut down on eating I could be thinner. I never ate desert. I skipped breakfast many mornings and rarely at lunch at school. I would say I forgot it if anyone asked, or that I had a huge breakfast. This method started to work, and it felt great to know that even though I wasn't the prettiest, richest, or coolest girl, I was the thinnest in a room. My parents forced me to eat dinner, but I slowly ate less and less, telling them I had a bunch of snacks while they were at work still. I worked my way down to eating only about a half a meal a day. I tried many times to make myself throw up, because I'd feel fat and gross after eating anything at all, but I never could do it. I started to feel constantly sick and just bad. I didn't look good either, I realize now, but I sure thought I looked great then. After a few months, I had a particularily rough weekend. I ate one meal over 4 days. I felt just completely awful, so I decided to tell one of my friends. Until then I had never admittied to having a problem, and just to say it helped a lot. I slowly started to eat more and more, and even though I felt disgusting my friend helped me stay with it. I took the scale out of my room and tried to convince myself the numbers didnt matter. I still have longings for that body sometimes, but I feel a whole lot better now.
eternalmusing eternalmusing
18-21, F
30 Responses Jun 8, 2011

I'd like to echo all the sentiments here and also say....I know exactly how you feel. In fact, I'm still struggling with the idea that I am still a worthwhile person even though I don't think I'm pretty or thin enough. I can really relate to how you felt, and it's encouraging to know that you came through it all, changed for the better. I hope that in everything that comes your way in life, you would come out stronger than ever before. Take care :) x

I was the same way when I was in HS. I lost some weight by eating less and exercising but I always wanted to be thinner. I got down to eating just a 1/2 a meal a day and I told the same lies. No matter how thin I got I always thought I needed to lose more weight. Then I realized I was making myself sick and I started eating more. I was able to overcome my eating disorder but it was very hard. I maintained a very good weight for many years. You are lucky to have good friends to help you. Its not what you weigh or what you looks like that truly makes you beautiful. Its your true self inside that makes you beautiful. I found that out the hard way. Anyone who judges you on what you look like or how much you way is very shallow and not worth being friends with. My mom used to always tell me that you have to love yourself first before anyone else can love you. For years I never understood that but I finally do understand and its so true. I wish you much happiness and health.

It is HIS fault, even if you weren't "perferct", he is the loser... It really does NOT matter that you aren't the pefect photo model type... You should be happy with who YOU are, and to hell with the rest of them... I never was "perfect", but, I did meet a wonderful lady and had two perfect (in my eyes) beautiful girls... Even if she did cheat on me later, and we divorced, WE had two beautiful girls :-) I would never trade them for anything... Hop only the best for you...

Its the personality that maters and not image. However you look somebody out there will love you just the way you are.<br />
Even when you think your disgusting talking to people around you really does convince you that your not at all. Also I'm glad your eating well now...

Hello whoever you are,<br />
in your story there are lot's of info missing,<br />
like how much is your weight,(past & present)<br />
your age,do you have any health issues?<br />
<br />
assuming you are a normal person with no health issues,<br />
i am going to give you a sound advice.<br />
<br />
all this other people posting replies on your story<br />
they do not know the details about you <br />
and it is very easy to say do this and that,<br />
but fortunate and unfortunate there are ways for you<br />
to reach your ideal weight goal,<br />
it is very simple all you got to do is count your carbohidrates <br />
intake per meal and you must eat 5 times a day<br />
also WALK 45 minutes twice a day and drink lots of water.<br />
<br />
i did it. i was 350 lb.<br />
i lost those extra pounds in about 2 years<br />
after you reach your goal <br />
from time to time you can indulge your self<br />
and also you can walk less<br />
but the carbohidrates intake remains the same.<br />
the problem with MOST people they want to loose<br />
weight in the shortest amount of time possible,<br />
and that is completly wrong.<br />
just use your common sense, <br />
it took years and years to build all that fat in your body,<br />
and people what to get rid off it in weeks? <br />
when ever you are thinking about loosing weight<br />
you must be realistic.stick to the facts.<br />
remember rome was not build in one day.<br />
what i am telling you is, it takes time to loose weight.<br />
it also takes a lot of courage dicipline and love in yourself<br />
if you follow this steps i will assure <br />
you will see results IN TIME.<br />
<br />
you must not deviate once you start your diet<br />
in fact this is not a diet,is it just controlling <br />
your eating habits.<br />
<br />
one word of advice before starting any diet,<br />
you have to be sure you do not have any health issues.

You've had a lot of very supportive comments in response to your post, but I notice also a couple of predators. Please be careful. You put your vulnerability up there for all to see, which is very brave. Do not let anyone take advantage of that. Take care.

Girl, it is your inner beauty that really counts--your personality, your beliefs & values, your charm,<br />
your ability to communicate, make people laugh, be a friend, be out-going, dress nice, be nice,<br />
just be the person that a guy wants to get to know.<br />
<br />
Size is not that important, a guy who is a great lover can have great sex with any size or shape<br />
woman. Personality will determine if you are the one.<br />
<br />
According to the latest polls 1 in 3 boys cheat, 1 in 5 girls cheat. So if your boy cheats it is not<br />
because you are a little fat, he is just a cheater and will cheat on any girl.<br />
<br />
Some couples have "open marriages" where they give each other permission to cheat.<br />
<br />
If you ever get the urge to be tied up and receive some real satisfying sex contact me regardless<br />
of your current size.

be beautiful from your heart, i have tried to be like this too.

I was just like that I started at 12yrs.old and no one in my family knew, but my friends didn't know and no one notice but for me it was a big habit, Then I got pregnant that's when I went crazy eating and when I had my kid I started to do the same but this time it wasn't working for me the point is I was always looking for new way's to lose the wait, I went to taking diet shakes,pills, exercise, two small meals a day and I did a lot I lost my hair for not doing things right it grew back but I kept with my silly way's became bulimic and anorexic then I became very sick mixed up my stomach and started to lose my mind and ended up in a mantle hospital and started to change my ways so to tell ya the truth your lucky to have a Great friend like that and that you made a big effort to change it's not easy to do what you have done I'm still in therapy and very sick but I have changed it's been about 16 yrs. being like that and it has been on the right path eating right 6yrs. and it still is a battle for me everyday ! I'm Proud Of You And Your Friend! Best Wishes from me! ;D

You are doing really well to have noticed you need some help from a friend. Knowone deserves to feel that way and knowone should feel that way. You will see as the time goes on that a little more light will shine on you and your situation each day that passes. <br />
Trust me I have been there and come out the other side. <br />
Your friend is great to help you through it. They are a true friend. Hold onto them. <br />
I wish you all the success in the world and more.

You are doing really well to have noticed you need some help from a friend. Knowone deserves to feel that way and knowone should feel that way. You will see as the time goes on that a little more light will shine on you and your situation each day that passes. <br />
Trust me I have been there and come out the other side. <br />
Your friend is great to help you through it. They are a true friend. Hold onto them. <br />
I wish you all the success in the world and more.

I had the opposite problem. Except it was really the same problem. Think: Two sides of the same coin. I was very sick as a small child, and was almost emaciated as a result. Plus I had a bunch of food allergies (which my parents ignored, on the doctor's advice) that made me throw up almost daily. No, NOT anorexic, just sick. One day, I was out walking with my parents, and they pointed to a little girl on a porch we passed, and said, "See how plump she is? Why can't you be more like her?" I was FIVE, for G***s sake! I was devastated. How could my parents love another little girl, a stranger, more than me, just because I was too thin? My weight stayed low through most of my childhood. I read or listened for every possible hint of advice on how to gain weight. I read that if you want to LOSE weight, you should get up and exercise after meals, so I made a point of taking a nap after meals whenever possible. I slathered margerine on things. I poured sugar into my Koolade until no more would dissolve. Yes, you guessed it, my family was totally ignorant of proper nutrition. Finally, in adolescence, it all started to work, and I began to gain weight in my late teens. Of course, with that kind of diet, I shot right past normal and went directly to fat before I was twenty. Did it help me feel loved? Absolutely not. Now I was "too fat", so I started years and years of yo-yo dieting, but steadily gained. But eventually I married a man who loved me "as-is", who was a vegetarian but not really knowledgable about how to do it. Over the years, we have both learned more and more about nutrition, and what constitutes a healthy diet, and we both eat for the sake of our health, not our weight.

I don't think you need advice now, but if you can can use a pat on the back, here it is: you are doing the right thing, and I am sure you will be happy.<br />
Good luck, Rick

In the first instance: you are --- and I agree with all of the posts ---- a beautiful person. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with your weight problem.<br />
I'd like to mention two points, which you might consider: first of all --- there are many men who are attracted to women who are "overweight". I see it every day --- and I live in a large city.<br />
In the second: I have a friend who never eats during the day --- just "loads up" at supper. WRONG. Why? Becauseif you don't eat ---- your metabolism shuts down and you don't burn off calories and fat. So, don't do it. The best medical advice I've been given is: IF you want to lose weight, eat "small" meals 4 or 5 times per day. That way, your metablolism keeps "burning". Also, it keeps you from getting so hungry to the point where you'll "binge". <br />
As far your concern about "beauty"? Don't worry about it. We all know that beauty comes from within us --- it's how we present ourselves and interface, in life, with others. Your personality will overshadow any other aspect of your "physical" beauty.<br />
In closing and IMO ---- I would prefer to date a woman who may be "slightly overweight" , but fun to be with, charming, and would bring to me the love in my life that I've always looked for --- as opposed to a "thin" (if you will) woman, who may look like a movie actress --- but has the personality of a poised Cobra, is vain --- and only concerned about her daily trips to the beauty salon (or, is it "saloon"?).<br />
Best of luck to you --- you have friends here and we all are behind you. Regards, Jim

You shouldn't do that though. I don't eat at all once my brother kept saying I was fat. Seriously. A week without food and I just drank water. Anyways, doing that will cause bad health to the stomach. You can't lose weight by not eating. You'll have much more problems later on because you're not eating as much. I've learnt how to accept me for who I am and do healthy things. Which my brother don't do. It makes me happy knowing I can be much better when I can eat and be fit!

I know where your coming from.. I too lived a life like that.. I was 94lbs when I was 13 and my boyfriend would tell me I was fat.. I stayed around 104lbs till I was 30 years old and I have to say the boyfriends I had through out the years would always say I was too skinny.. now three kids later I am at 123 and feeling great about myself.. the biggest thing I learned was to love who I am and be proud of who I am.. weight is only a number and to this day I do not weigh myself nor do I own a scale in my home..

WOW! I know how you feel--my last 2 serious boyfriends cheated on me and I took pretty much the same turn you did...took a while to recover and learn to love myself for just me. My present boyfriend is such a gem! He loves all the parts of me that I am so ready to criticize. He loves the fact that I wanna be healthy, not skinny and have a healthy appetite. And he encourages my exercise and fitness goals, all while exercising with me. <br />
<br />
People (especially those we care about) fail to realize how much they can influence us. Good luck to you! You'll be in my prayers :)

Lets chat - nakedmtnguy on yahoo

Lets chat. Yahoo messenger - noodiedoode

Fantastic that you recognized the problem and nipped in the bud and now your on your way back to good health. Sometimes trips through adversity help to define us and teach us what we are supposed to do in life. Now that you had this experience, you can use what you learned to help others. <br />
Continued Success in all your endeavors.<br />
Sincerely,<br />

Like all the wise comments above, you are a beautiful person, you just have to believe it yourself. Another person can't control how you feel, unless you give him permission. People break-up for different reasons, know that there will always be someone that loves you for who you are. Love yourself first, and you will attract more of that.<br />
<br />
Good luck, and most of all, have fun in life.<br />
<br />

Have you ever listened to Christina Aguilara's song..

Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay

And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

I have been heavy all my life. I still am 195 pounds at 5 feet tall. But I am married, (Married 15 years now) and I married a man who is not shallow. (His mother raised him right) :) He is a tae-kwon-do instructor, and when I got married I weighed 203 pounds, and gained 10 pounds more after that. I now have 30 PAGES of Food Allergies, and while I try to enjoy what I can eat, I still crave food that "Normal People" can eat. Please enjoy your food while you can. I wish I had the freedom to do so.

I was brought up not to rely on my looks but on the person inside. I have men chatting to me when I go out, but you can see right through most of them, I can honestly say that average and below average people are far more better natured and full of love and support. Initially looks are the first attraction, but look deeper within people and yourself. I am sure anyone can make themselves shine, it is just learning to be true to yourself and be normal, don't care who is looking, hold your head up high and shine. Confidence and kindness is the key, be yourself!

Wise words, if he is "put off" by your weight, he is a shallow, not forth the effort, you years on, he will think of you and say if only...!

It's good that you feel better now. Looks do matter, although not always in the way we think. And other things matter along with looks. <br />
<br />
It sounds as if you don't know why your then boyfriend cheated on you. Was there something else about you, him or, you two as a couple surrounding the cheating and breakup that was more difficult to face than turning the emotions inward?

Just distract yourself from eating though it's hard.I had a time just like what u're going through right now.But i am much better now even though my apperance doesn't change much,i am still a fatty girl,but i focused more on my work,and people look at me without thinking my apperance but my ability of dealing with other things.<br />
I am actually not fat,i am cute :)

Enjoy life for God made everyone Beautiful. the beauty is not in you but in the eyes of the beholder.

It's not the inside that matters it's the outside.

Haha... you mean the other way around, right? :P

Prolly not, some people just love to troll

I just want to say that no matter what you are beautiful, inside & out. The scale does not define you. Its only a number. I know & understand exactly how you feel. Im also trying really hard to recover. Im just out of hospital after three long & horrible months. Im finding it hard to complete my meals each day, but every step is a step closer to a fun & well worth it future. Keep up the good work. It will pay off. x

It doesn't matter how you look if you are a good person.

I am sure that, no matter what weight you are, you are beautiful!