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After My Daughter Was Born...

I had my first daughter when I was 13 about to be 14... I gained around 50lbs during my pregnancy. After I had her I felt so huge... I got made fun of at school not because I had a baby but because of the baby weight I had gained... I lived with my grandpa who was helping me with my daughter. At first I didn't think I had a eating disorder because I just got so busy with the baby I would forget to eat... When I started losing weight I felt like my life was going back to normal... I still wasn't losing as fast as I wanted to so I started exercising like crazy... I would wake up at 4am and put my daughter in her stroller and I would run 3 miles before school... then after school I would run another 3 miles or more... I lost about 20lbs in 3 weeks. I felt GREAT. I was getting compliments from everyone around me... Then I started purposely skipping meals... I stop producing breast milk because I wasn't eating so I had to buy formula for my baby... This viscous cycle last for a little over a year when one day I collapsed at school and they rushed me to the hospital... I was diagnosed with anorexia and my grandpa sent me to a treatment facility. I was there for 3 months... Meanwhile he was raising my daughter.... I recovered enough that I was sent home during the period that i was sick I lost around 65lbs... when I went into treatment I weighed 82lbs and I was 5'6 

After treatment I found a wonderful boyfriend who helped me a lot... He told me everyday I was beautiful and encouraged me to eat... He said with me through all the ups and downs. When I was 16 I found out I was pregnant again only this time with twins... I had to fight with myself everyday to not go back to the way I was because of the health of the baby... During that pregnancy I was so worried of becoming fat that I didn't gain as much weight as I should have and when my twins were born their birth weights were low... I knew it was my fault that they were sick and I took it very hard... But it was the wake up call that I needed 

Today I am 20 and have three healthy kids and I would say I am almost all the way recovered... I still have days were I think I am fat and ugly but I just push on through them for my kids... I am now married to that wonderful man and have been for 2 years now... 

I don't wish an eating disorder on anyone but to anyone who has one you can make it through just be kind to yourself and stay strong.
weirdkelsee weirdkelsee 22-25, F Jun 25, 2011

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