Ive been losing weight lately because of my depression. I like it. Its good to me. I hide this from everyone. No one knows. And now im sharing it with millions of strangers on ep.
Im a perfectionist. I always feel to big. I know im not big. I dont photograph well.
Its not vanity to me. I just get sick of everything. What else do i have except my body really. thats all anyone can see.
I want to lose more weight and i will. i never feel thin enough. Its crazy. Ive had times before where ive lost heaps of weight.It was hard work. But when im not feeling great it happens more easily.
Not that i like not feling great.
Im 5'11. I would say my build is athletic. I like exercising. I dont muck around!! and i know it helps with your mood.
I dont like food. I want to hate it more actually. I havent been eating much lately. But when i do i dont really swallow much.
I want to dissapear in a way.
I have a goal and i would like to get there. And i will.
I know i have low self esteem. Im not stupid.
Im not that great looking i would call myself plain. Though i have been called pretty and good looking. I dont think i am.
I have many many days where i compare myself to others alot. I see taller skinner girls and i sink. Its dumb really, there will always be someone better than you etc.
No im not perfect i am me. I am my own harshest critic.
I would like to be a size ten. Here in nz that is small. I am a 12 now well 12-14. I have been a very skinny 12 before. But i want to go past it. That is alot of hard work.
Lately i have been too ill to exercise but i have been losing anyway.
Women who say they dont care about their weight are lying.
All females do. Some more than others.
There are alot of good looking skinny girls out there. I think why would anyone want me when they can have that.
This is me opening up. I would never write this. Im not sure why i am now sharing this with so many but i am. Its freedom in a way. I know that most people will say i have low self esteem etc i know other people must feel the same way.
i can see my hip bones they stick out i would like to see more.

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Apr 28, 2012