You Never Get Over It

I am 49, and still think about my weight everyday. I went through years of bulimiarexia in the 1990's. After treatment my weight stablized until 2005 when it returned for another 3 years. Now after having gained weight again I hate myself, and have started losing weight by limiting what I will allow myself to take in. I also started using laxatives again. The hell with it this time, I don't care what happens!