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Life, Media And Confidence.

I had an eating disorder when I was 14-15 years old. 
I was bullimic but not because I thought I was fat. I knew I was skinny. Every time I ate food, my stomach wouldn't tolerate it and make it come back up. Most of the time, I wasn't even hungry. I just ate because my Mum threatened she'd take me to the hospital where they would force the food into me. 
I thought that maybe I might be allergic to something in the food so I went to doctors and had myself checked but my diagnosis showed no sign of any food allergies. 
They gave me some iron pills and that was it. It made me slightly more hungry then usual but then it'll just come back up. 

A few months later, I attempted suicide but got scared realizing my life would end. I was rushed to the hospital and it was then when they said I have clinical depression and the depression was the source of my eating disorder.
What made me depressed was my social life, the confidence in myself, emotionally abusive family, the constant bullying, the bad friends, always arguing with someone but what drew the line was the only person I really trusted left me.

My life isn't exactly perfect but then again, whose life is perfect?
I'm still picking up the pieces of my life to be recovered. My social life and picking of friends has been better in the last 2-3 years. Having confidence still needs to be worked on. I no longer get bullied as I am out of school in a place where there are more mature students. My family life isn't getting any better though but I hopefully won't have to deal with them any longer then I have to. 

I still have a bit of a eating disorder. I don't eat when I'm upset so I make sure I find an outlet to the source that is upsetting me and try and find something that makes me feel better.


24luverofchoc 24luverofchoc 18-21, F 2 Responses May 6, 2012

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Hun u should go to my page...i wrote some of my stories on there...i had a messed up childhood...but i kept going...u can do it hun... it wontt better over night but it will get better...

Hun i was bulimic when i was 10 after my brother died...i was bulimic severly until i was 15 and my sister helped me out... i weighed 98 pounds until me and my sis decided how to get m to eat... i tried and attepmted suicide alot especially when i was 12... i feel ya and what ur going thru...ive been there girl... im here if u need me.

Thank you but when thinking about it, back then my life was nothing but torture, which made me attempt to waste myself away without knowing. I still don't eat when I'm upset and that's basically 25% of the time. What finally pushed across the boarder was the person who I loved the most had betrayed and hurt me. Broken promises and heartbreak so I felt I had no reason to live or no purpose. I still don't have a purpose to be honest, the happiness only lives in my imagination and if any part of it came true, I'd be happy that I'm alive.