The Early Show

One of the luxuries of living alone every other week is that when I’m home alone, clothing is completely optional.  It’s an especially wonderful thing in the hot summers.  However, as I discovered this morning, it can also be one of the dangers….
A sinus headache was causing me to move slowly and put me behind schedule.  Deciding to just go with the flow, I puttered around the bathroom drying off after my shower, drying my hair, and debating the time it would take to shave my legs versus the time to iron a pair of pants to wear to work.  The headache had reached the point where my usual morning hunger pains were interrupted by waves of nausea.  With no resolution to the shave legs/iron clothes conundrum, I decided to grab a bowl of cereal and hopefully settle my stomach.  As I started to walk out of the bathroom in my “birthday suit” I debated throwing on a t-shirt.  I paused, said a mental “Nah”, and headed to the kitchen.
The bowl of knock-off Cheerios and a splash of milk procured, I grabbed a spoon from the drawer and turned to head back to my bedroom for a quick check of my e-mail.  That’s when I caught sight of the wasp in my kitchen window.  It’s a lovely window, located right over the sink.  The window sill is about 6 inches above the counter top and at the top of the full-sized window is an arch.  It provides good light because of its size.  Because it also provides a good view into my house which is located on the corner of a fairly busy intersection, I have a cafe curtain at the bottom so only my head is visible. 
The wasps here are my nemesis and slip in the house at every chance.  I have a lot of allergies and haven’t been stung by a bee or wasp since I was a child.  Living alone most of the time and unsure of my allergic response status, I am extremely cautious about getting stung.  As the killer urge rose within me, it occurred to me that attempting to kill this wasp while naked might not be the brightest idea.  But the wasp was moving pretty slow and the fly swatter was right there.  I couldn’t resist.
Gingerly grabbing the swatter, I aimed for the wasp.  And missed!  Instead of flying off, it kept hovering at the top of the window.  So I swatted again and this time I made contact.  The wasp dropped to the window sill!  Unfortunately, I could hear it still buzzing.  I looked between the potted plants on the sill and along the edge of the curtain, but I couldn’t tell where it was.  I decided to move the plants off the sill hoping I would spot it.  Of course, as soon as I moved the first pot, the tension rod holding the curtain up sprang loose and I found myself standing there at my kitchen window, boobs on full display to the neighborhood, with a stunned and angry wasp buzzing somewhere underneath the curtain.
I considered a quick retreat to the bedroom for clothes, but I worried the wasp would get away in the meantime.  The only thing to do was hunker down so my breasts were out of sight which unfortunately also put my face closer to the sill and the wasp.  Now positioned like an 90-year old naked woman, I continued to carefully remove the rest of the plants and lift the curtain little by little hoping the wasp was not actually attached to it.
I finally found the wasp on its back, diligently trying to right itself and escape.  Realizing there was no way I could operate the fly swatter without flashing the neighborhood again, I scanned the counter top for another suitable instrument of death.  I happened upon a butter knife and quickly dispatched the wasp.  Actually I “dispatched” it several times just because it felt good.
Picking up the wasp’s remains in a paper towel, I laid it to the side of the sink and put the curtain back up.  I replaced the plants and took a quick look up and down the street from my window.  Then I beat a hasty retreat back to the bedroom, happy to bring the “early show” to a close, and adding this experience to my list of reasons NOT to wander around the house naked.
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14 Responses Jul 21, 2010

This is too funny. Have seen a few boobies like that. lol

Had I found myself standing outside your window, I wouldn't have been at all offended at seeing your breasts. Honest.

"If it lasts more than 4 hours, call a doctor....."

Permanent rods could be more trouble than they're worth, I guess. Or so says the packaging.

I apologize in advance..... but I just can't leave "the one about the more permanent rod" alone. I tried to walk away. It's been several hours now but I'm back... (I know. I'm weak...)<br />
<br />
Will semi-permanent work? <br />
All hail Trimix!

Is it getting hot in here?

*walks away*<br />
<br />
Gonna leave that one alone. And the one about the more permanent rod.

No offense intended Glowy. Sahira IS a sweetie! I'll volunteer to shave her....legs, if that will help make amends.

Be nice to the lady, NDD. She's had a rough morning. Vanquishing beasts, in her birthday suit. And I'll bet she still didn't get to shave her legs. *sigh*

I was just passin thru... skint as usual.... what I really hoped for was a comp. No chance?

If you took up a collection and did just one more show, you might be able to get some blinds that keep this from happening again. Or someone to spray for wasps..

I love EP. You just never know what you'll find. Moments of terror and destruction. Nail biting suspense. And boobies. But that could just be my circle...

Who knew killing a wasp could be such fun?

When is the next showing......and.... are tickets available?