This Is Quite Painful To Say..I haven't found my purpose in life..
I don't feel I have a reason for being..
..and I realize now, this is why I am depressed. This explains so much..
why I haven't found a career to aim for, why I don't have anything planned after college, why I'm not very sociable, why I don't have a political view, why I'm lazy, why I procrastinate, why I don't care much about my grades, why I'm not very good at anything, why I'm not content with my life (mine isn't the best or worst, it's really quite decent..), why I feel numb, why I answer most people with "I don't know",
among other terrible things... because I feel none of it really matters, because I, myself, don't matter.
This is the big gaping hole in my heart..
but also, why I get attached to people easily, why I need to feel needed, why I want to feel wanted,
why I enjoy helping people, why I love and crave affection,
because these things make me feel important, useful, and loved. Like someone needs me around.
I don't know what to do.. "search for your light in the darkness" is much easier said than done..
I do have hope though.. hope that something will change.
I'm not suicidal.. because I do have a few things to live for, friends and family..
For you I survive, for you I struggle.. for you, I don't let this show..
Turbulence 18-21, M 11 Responses 3 Mar 17, 2011