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Goodbye, Clouds Of Doubt

Okay, so about three days ago......a certain young lady turned seventeen.

I've talked with her online a number of times......but it had been quite a while since I'd seen her in person......I'd been avoiding her for my own selfish reasons. Then her birthday came up. So, I thought I'd drop by to say hi and give her a gift. That's all, then I'll leave. That was my plan, and I had hoped to stick with it.

When I got there, there was no huge party or anything like that, just some close friends of hers and the family. I greeted her, gave her the gift.......but I didn't leave. I stayed, and we talked for hours. It had only been a few weeks, but it felt as though we hadn't seen each other for years......I missed her greatly.

As to be expected, the topic of her beloved girlfriend came up often (the woman was in another country). I suddenly remembered why I was avoiding her in the first place.

Girlfriend...

The oddest thing happened to me though.........that pain, depression, and growing frustration I felt before? Gone. Before, I always wondered why I was chasing after this girl so blindly, why I couldn't just hate her and get it over with. Doubts continued to circulate through my head, day in and day out. This girl, whom I hold so close to my heart, had been swept off her feet by another.

On her birthday, after talking to her for so long.......it's like a light broke through the clouds and bathed me in its warm glow. I'm in love with this girl. And it's real. I think the pain I felt before was because of a simple thing called doubt. I doubted my feelings.....I doubted the strength. I doubted if I even loved her at all.

I think that one revelation saved me. I finally crawled out of that dark and horrible place in the corner of my mind, and realized that love.....takes patience, but it's also free and unpredictable.

I love her, and I'll continue to do so forever. I won't hide away from her anymore. I'll be happy for her and her newfound romance genuinely.

After all, we're still young. I have to keep that in mind. I don't know what the future will hold for their relationship, but no matter what happens, I'll stick to her like glue.

I realize now that my feelings for her shouldn't chain my heart, however. Like I said, love is free and unpredictable. I'll date other people, and maybe I can grow to love one of them just as much as I love her, if not more.

If I can't find someone, and her relationship does end on a sour note, then maybe it's about time I confess what I've been keeping to myself for so long. Maybe I'll actually get my chance.

Should my love end up a mutual thing, then I'll do even better than best to keep her happy. If she rejects me, then it doesn't matter....I'll still love her. I'll be glad that she finally knows......and move on from there

So, life is good so far. I feel so energized now! Heh, guess I need to have an epiphany more often.
deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Sep 30, 2011

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Dearest BleedingHeart23,<br />
You know how I feel for we have talked so many times about your feelings, your hopes and dreams for this relationship.... do you have any idea how proud I am of you right this moment? It took courage for you to even go to that party.... but for you to be open to the potential pain that might be added to what you had already been feeling goes beyond the norm..... that is true sacrifice.... that is what is known as true love... true abiding love, the giving of one's self over another's wishes.... even though I know a part of you were dying a little inside every minute you stood there. If I could hold you right now I would, and I would tell you that you did a very brave thing.... and the true and correct thing.... you faced your worst fears head on.... and you realized that the situation at hand is not a forever thing.... nothing lasts forever... not even this girls love for her friend.... and you, with the patience of Job waiting in the wings.... I am banking on you..... that you will have your shot at a relationship at some point in your life with this lady. Little does she know what she is missing in you, you precious angel..... love you much.....

LOL, i think you should... have it more often... =)<br />
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Wonderful indeed...<br />
<br />
Quite inspiring, made me think....<br />
<br />
thanks for sharing... =)<br />
<br />
and goodluck...

I wish I was as brave as you to recognise and accept feelings like you can. I hope that one day you say you love her and she says it back. Be there as a friend first that's the foundation for any love.<br />
Good luck.<br />
Emma