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A Sappy Movie Did It

When I first joined this group it was a long time ago, but I do remember what the epiphany was. I felt too lame to write a story about it, so I didn’t. The epiphany happened after watching The Notebook. The part where they come back from the canoe in the rain and she says “why didn’t you write me?” and he says he wrote to her every day for a year. The epiphany was: No one has ever loved me and completely let me in. There was also a sub-epiphany: Do not ever watch The Notebook again.
 
The epiphany went a little deeper than a whiny “no one loves me.” I thought about how I define love. For so long, I believed when you love someone, you put their needs before yours. You never want to hurt them even if they hurt you. You consistently think about how your actions are going to affect them. More than anything, more than yourself, you want them to be happy. You can’t stop loving them no matter what. I thought that when two people do that for each other, each gets rewarded with the other's sacrifice. And maybe I was defining love wrong. Maybe that kind of love swallows the lover so much that she gets lost. Maybe a person who loves so completely is inherently unlovable, because she has in effect forfeited her needs. If all he sees reflecting in his lover’s eyes is himself, he is bound to get restless.
 
I know the stuff depicted in sappy movies is not realistic. People do not write a love letter every day for a year without any sort of encouragement. By the third month without a response, it would turn into hate mail.
Fallflower Fallflower 36-40, F 6 Responses Jun 7, 2012

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I'm with you. That's how I understand it. <br />
I was obsessed with someone for 11 months before she let me in. Completely. Not always healthy obsessed, probably. I didn't write all the time, it would have driven her away. But we're together.

A happy ending then!
It takes a long time for some people to let anyone in. You are lucky it was only 11 months, and she was lucky you did not give up.

You now have two clear concepts and understandings in your life of love. There may have been others along the way short of the epiphany. I think you're on the right track. Stories told to me at age 25 had very different meanings at 40.

That is very touching. The sub-epiphany is the real epiphany. And I thought an epiphany was just a routine medical procedure. But then I think love is nothing in tennis and not much more in life. (For the earnest among you, I jest)

That's quit a profound epiphany considering the steps of logic taken to arrive at your personal truth. <br />
I had a girlfriend once that pretty much gave me whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I think back on that and I have to wonder how much I didn't get know her just because she didn't stand up for what she wanted. The relationship never grew properly. I adored her and thought she was a great person but I truly feel that because she didn't have enough self-respect or self-love the relationship ended with me realizing I was only a little infatuated. The love never grew because she wasn't a complete person. So the saying holds some truth, if you don't love yourself no one else can love you.

That is very insightful.Thanks

I wish I knew what love is, but the best i can do is say it's balance. Like the old time miners scale. His side and her side. Sometime you have to put some on, sometimes you have to take some off, but with the right person you are for the most part in balance. No one gives to much and no one takes to much.

Balance, yes. Very hard to do when you're head over heels though :)

That's why you feet have to be firmly planted on the ground. No gymnastic moves when it comes to love!

Dam you Nicholas Sparks.

i know, right?