Why Don't You Like Me?

Today I had an interesting experience. I have lots of life experience. Unfortunately, the scope of my life experiences are very narrow, and negative. Today I had a different type of experience. I cannot say if it was a positive or negative experience. So here it goes. In have physical education class at my university. In the previous class I played pool with a girl. My interactions with her were a bit strained. I felt like she was rejecting me. I'm not attracted to her. I just wanted to play a game of pool. When I left class I felt a little negative. That didn't last long,as I took a dose of *********** and forgot all about it. I had papers to turn in for the next class. So I had to focus on the more pressing issues. Being the masochist that I' am, today I decided to play pool with her again. Me and another guy played a doubles game with her team. My interactions with her were just as frosty and I couldn't help but think about why she was behaving this way. I tried to relate to her. she's an art major, so I figured I'd show my interest in art. Maybe I'd get her to talk about something that she likes. Maybe we could get some positive conversation. I was not successful in my efforts and once again I began to feel a little down about the whole situation. Granted I'm a little bit weird. I was physically and mentally abused as a child. As a result I withdrew and have very little experience in social situations.Most of  my fears stem from my childhood experiences. I try to leave that behind, but I can see how that can effect how I portray myself to other people. Most people are gracious towards people who they think are weird. If someone gives me a weird vibe I'm still polite. This has been the experience that I've had with other people. They are usually polite and respectful. But she was totally different. Today when I left class I felt a bit negative, but I also felt "alive". It is a strange feeling.So anyway I still haven't processed that experience. I haven't come to a conclusion about what it means. I really want to get out of my shell and live my life. If you readers have any idea's I'd love to hear them. 
ilovechexmix ilovechexmix
18-21, M
Aug 4, 2010