It Happened...

I was not looking to start an affair. I was looking for someone to talk to. Someone to give me advice with my marraige. How things ended up into the most extreme emotional affair I had ever had is still beyond me. I fell in love. I wanted him in every way. I would think of him all of the time. He gave me so many new experiences both mentally and sexually. He was strong in all of the areas that my real life husband was lacking. He filled the empty part of my mind and heart.

Reality came fast when I finally came back to it. I was using him as an outlet for all of emotional pain from the past and also my present. Instead of dealing with my many issues...I would hide them and live in the online affair. It had to come to an end. I could not heal myself without stopping it.

Will I be strong enough to hold back the urge to not contact him? How can you just let someone you love go? My days revolved around him. I feel like a shell of a person. I dont know how to put my life back together without him. I feel so weak and pathetic. I guess I will get over it with time. It hurts so very much right now. I keep telling myself it is for my own good that it is over. How can something that made me feel so good be so very bad for me?
TessaMarie TessaMarie
36-40, F
4 Responses Aug 13, 2010

No you are not alone for sure. I am presently in an online affair. I am married 34 years and my online lover is single. He is much younger than me, 15 years. I know him, I used to work with him 10 yrs ago and thought he was intelligent, attentive, and polite. After all this time, he found me on facebook 18 months ago. We both were shocked to find out that there was a great chemistry going on yrs ago and neither of us did anything about it back then. He still is such a sweetheart and my whole world revolves around our chats online. He lives many states away but we still want to see each other very badly again. This sound very lovely and platonic but its not. Our flirtatous conversations have evolved into explosive sexy fantasies that I lie in bed and think about all night long. <br />
I also know what you mean. On one hand I love everything about our secret encounters but on the oher hand it has made my life much more complicated. Sometimes I wish we never ran into each other again....

Hi, there how interesting to hear your story and about EP. I went through simillar but different this so called friend left me feeling empty. His flattery was all part of his game plan to win my affection then dropped me at his convenience when i needed him and he was nt there for me. Some people use people over the net that in real life wouldnt even happen for their own advatage then replace them when you discover their intentions. I cant trust people online anymore because of him!! At least this lesson made me aware of the many people online that are users.

I started a "friendship" with someone online the same as you and used him for my emotional outlet. My experience did not turn out bad though. Yes I began to fall in love, but he was married, so we had a three year plan . if we were still taling in three years, we would meet. <br />
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Well he began pushing me away, I found out later because we were getting too close. I was devastated, however the experience forced me to make a decision about my own marriage. I didnt want to be a cheater, I didnt want to be unfaithful, but I needed more in my life. <br />
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This experience helped me see that happiness, albeit not with this guy, is possible in my future and the next 40 years of my life do not need to be lived in misery and I can lead a moral and ethical life, but I need a divorce first. <br />
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I moved out six months ago and divorce is in the works, it took a while to get over this guy, but we still talk and ended up friends. he nows everything and I now my boundriees with him. <br />
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This was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

It is nice to know that there are others that have made the same mistake as I did.<br />
Things went so quickly and before I knew it I was/am head over heels for him.<br />
I can never stop the feelings I have for him but know I can never act on them either.<br />
I am still trying to decide which is worse...talking to him and knowing I can never have him or just giving him up all together. I lose either way. I should have known better is all that I can keep telling myself. I have never been one to think to the future. I act at the spur of the moment and face the consequences afterwards.