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Cyber Affair

I am having a cyber affair. I started it just for fun. Part immature tantrum. My husband went out of town and didn't want to sex chat over the phone so I decided to find someone who did. (He's a little uptight)

Unfortunately, I am starting to really like this guy and look forward to his e-mails. Now I regret having gone down this road, because I was more emotionally vulnerable than I thought.

Being the cyber other woman is just as suckky as being the other woman. The waiting the patience!!!!

Not my best qualities...

hsweets42 hsweets42 41-45, F 27 Responses Jan 9, 2008

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I married my husband over three years ago. Only three months into our marriage I found out that he had a *********** addiction and was communicating with many women. Because we had just married and that he said we would get help, I stuck things out. Then, in the middle of building our house, I discovered his email open with communications (explicit) with multiple women that were sending a variety of pictures of a lot more than their smiling faces. The hardest thing, is that I am not unattractive, and he did NOT want to have sex with me. He was so into his fantasy world it consumed him.

Again, he promised to stop and we went to counselling....now out thousands in counselling and found out it is all happening again. Mulitple women, and it is so hard to read and see the images that he and they send eachother. Some of them actually believe they have some kind of real connection. He has send pictures of our home, our animals, our life to STRANGERS. It is unbelievable, shocking and I am devastated. I kicked him out and I cant take anymore. This was not the life I envisioned for myself. My whole family and his are devastated, and these stupid women are hurt. I am sorry, but who the f sends naked pictures to someone on the internet they don't even know and then expect this somehow determines a real relationship.

Im not religious, not a prude and often tried to get my husband to be more experimental but for me, it was allways the same boring stuff - he saved the best of his abilities for his fantasy land out there. What is this world coming to -

I am comforted by seeing other people comment and have also had their lives torn up over this. Not happy to see that others have gone through it, just feel better that I am somehow not the only person who has had this happen.

Good luck all, were on our way to divorce now.

I fully understand!! Even though i knew from the beginning he had a gf, i never thought it would develop into feelings. Iv been through every emotion and even thought at one point it was something special. But all it is really is just fantasy on his part. And at the end of the day hes still got his loving, loyal gf to go home too. Were all iv got is memorys of our last chat, and that empty feeling when he doesnt call. It leaves me feeling hurt and confused. To the point were iv ignored all the signs because i never wanted to face the truth. Iv been living in a fantasy land were everything would be perfect!! I didnt mean for any of this to happen, guess i was just flattered with all the attention to start off with. Worse thing is hes cheating on me ha!! Its been 8 months too long now, i need to brake those ties. It will be hard because i do miss him when he isnt around. But i deserve better an so does his gf. Hes nothin but a lyeing ,deceitful cheat!! Who thinks its okay to play with peoples feelings :*( an now im hurting and iv only got myself to blame!! Karmas way really!!

I related to your story completely. My boyfriend met someone while online gaming and they exchanged cell phone numbers. I caught him red handed because the cyber affair woman texted him while I was with him and I saw it. He lied about it and I talked with her only to find out he had been talking sex to her by text. They never physically cheated, just a lot of sexting. She actually seemed like a nice woman and was Hirt I the process bc she said she had feelings for him. We were both hurt by my bf with his selfish needs to play games with her while deceiving me. It's been two months now and the pain is still there.

I am sorry you got hurt too. Sounds like what happened to my mans cyber sex friend. She was just an innocent bystander who got hurt. Online connections can be so damaging and hurtful. I hope you are okay. BTW, how old are you? Just curious if this happens at any age.

HI there, I work with the Katie Couric show and I'd be interested in speaking with you about your story. Call me if you can chat off the record. 212.456.0610.

Meeting people on line for sex and talking, esp. when you're married is sick and pathetic. Computer sex and on line relationships are for the homely and the lonely and mainly for the sick.

You wanna have one with me baby? I'm 19

Quite a topic<br />
n<br />
comments showered especially of 'Stevester' does make sense.

I know what you mean. I'm seven months in and he gives me so much time. He purchased and pays for a prepaid phone for each of us so his wife won't see 'my' number on the phone bill. It's good and bad all at the same time. I never meant to find him. I never went looking for him. I'm single and I wish I could change things....

I have just found out about my wife's 'activities' on her Facebook account. <br />
She had logged in and must have been halfway through chatting (in very colourful language) to a guy in another country when our internet connection must have been lost, and she couldn't log out. She went out to get her nails done. <br />
Oblivious at the time, I tried to log into my own account curious to see if I could get my own account open. Well I got connected all right! <br />
There, in front of me was her 'wall' with several messages from various men. When i read the content, my heart sank. We have only been married for just over 2 years. <br />
I then found private messages which were so explicit that it physically painful to read and comprehend. I'm absolutely guttered, humiliated and feel worthless. <br />
I left my findings on the computer screen, so when my wife returned, she could see what I had found. She instantly was defensive about the whole situation. Saying it was just a fantasy, that the person she was talking to was in another country and that they would never meet anyway. This story soon fell apart when I asked why she had added her mobile number to the bottom of her last message to him offering to show him around.<br />
Anyone who is blasé about the repercussions of online infidelity is kidding themselves. I'm so confused, hurt and don't know what to do. I love and hate her at the same time. I don't want to loose our house, our life and the relationship thought we had. Nor do I want to admit to family and friends that my marriage has failed after such a short time.<br />
Now when she leaves the house, I don't trust her or her intentions.<br />
What am I going to do?

What happened. I'm going through something similar. It was one guy and well. I've forgiven but can't forget. We have kids which is what keeps me here along with the life we built for 16 years. Not sure what to do

I have been married for 16 years and very recently started a cyber affair. I have never been unfaithful and I am torn up by my behavior, but unable to stop because of the thrill. I totally can relate to the person who said she has her messager window up for him and only him - - waiting to see him come online and then being disappointed if he doesn't message. And then elated when he does. I think I am heading down a very dangerous road. The cyber sex is awesome and my husband I don't have sex anymore.

This story hasn't been commented on since April, but I read what everyone had to say and felt a desire to chime in...so...here goes. <br />
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I also had a cyber affair...and what one of the commenters said above made sense, that it was important to clarify from the beginning that this was virtual and not real...and that there was no hope for the relationship to ever move from online to 'real life'....and my internet guy was very clear on that from day one...<br />
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But things tend to get confusing when you're in the thick of it. You try to keep distance between you, but soon, you find yourself turning again and again to your online lover and focusing less and less on the things that are missing from your 'real life' and that's where the problems lie. <br />
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I don't know how I could've fallen so head-over-heals for someone I barely knew...and that's the truth...I barely knew him...but my emotions got totally out of control....and it became hard to seperate my real self from my online self after awhile. It was almost like an obsession...and it actually got to the point, for me, where if I had sex in 'real life' with my husband, I had to think of conversations that I had with my internet lover in order to have an ******...and when I realized that it had been more than a year since I had had an ****** that didn't include thoughts of this online lover of mine, that's when I realized I was in way too deep, somehow.....so I ended it, right?<br />
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HA! Absolutely not. I was addicted and obsessed and kept right on with the relationship, even though it seemed to be tearing me all up. It took his will to finally end it and every day I'm glad it's over....and wish more than anything that he would come back into my life...it's a terrible double-edged sword.<br />
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I totally understand the sentiment behind the words that someone here wrote when they said that they wished they had never started down this online affair road....because I felt the same way. Once you start...it's hard to get out....and harder to walk away unscathed. I know I didn't escape unscathed...not even close....and I know he did everything he could to keep me from becoming emotionally wrapped-up in him, but it didn't matter...what I did, I did mostly, on my own....in my own mind....regardless of what his intentions were, I still think of him every day. A path I wish I hadn't taken to begin with? Definitely. But hind-sight, they say, is 20/20.

The cyber thing...... For me it is a fantasy I fell for and fell for a scammer. I wrote a story about it, luckily I only lost a few hundred dollars. I have a cyber bf who lives on the other side of the world, he is married and has been for over 20 years with no intention of changing things. I am married and in limbo right now. We have been chatting for several months online and have found we have a lot in common. He says our relationship helps him to stay with his wife. I get that because our relationship helps me to hang on... sort of. He tells me though that I need to get away from my husband and find a man for real. We have really become great friends.

You must be logged in to leave a comment...turning you attention to another person away from the one you have is still an affair no matter on the internet or in person. The computer has allowed people to do things behind the screen that they know would never be accepted in the real world. Too many people have also gotten in mentally too far and not been able to accept the real world anymore. That is why there are so many **** sites and child **** on the computer. The police sure showed them. How about all the ones that prey on innocent woman and use the pictures and fakes on here to get themselves satisfied. I am sure there are real sites that have people who love each other and have met that way. If they are single, fine, wonderful, I am only concerned about the married people that are using singles get themselves in with people. Funny how the wickedness in the world can make something so beautiful turn into somethng so ugly. Making children and showing love should not be so disgraced.

You must be logged in to leave a comment...turning you attention to another person away from the one you have is still an affair no matter on the internet or in person. The computer has allowed people to do things behind the screen that they know would never be accepted in the real world. Too many people have also gotten in mentally too far and not been able to accept the real world anymore. That is why there are so many **** sites and child **** on the computer. The police sure showed them. How about all the ones that prey on innocent woman and use the pictures and fakes on here to get themselves satisfied. I am sure there are real sites that have people who love each other and have met that way. If they are single, fine, wonderful, I am only concerned about the married people that are using singles get themselves in with people. Funny how the wickedness in the world can make something so beautiful turn into somethng so ugly. Making children and showing love should not be so disgraced.

cyber relationships are intriguing as they are relatively new and sometimes underestimated in their power. People can write things of intimacy that they would not say face to face. Telling someone they are a goddess and the most beautiful girl in t he world, how if u with them u would worship them, etc etc is the sort of thing that one would struggle to say in a face to face relationship after the first date, yet this escalation of affection is commonplace in cyber relationships. Take EP where we open up to strangers and there is an insight into how people become very closely linked. <br />
I became a little infatuated with a very beautiful girl from Vancouver. We shared stories, we spoke on the phone, it became sex. I was on the verge of flying to Vancouver, yep..but somehow I reconsidered, gave it up. The feeling that I had not totally betrayed my relationship with my wife saved me. I didn't sp with the other person ever again. The element of regret surfaced once or twice but was outweighed by what I'd saved. I suppose I'm saying cyber affairs are the real thing it's just we underestimate them because there's a laptop or phone between us and them.

I guess I am from the older school of thought. Too many bed partners leads to too much to expect. I think that sex has a lot to do with your head. Maybe you watched too much **** and changed a loving act of something special between two people into an **** of your own. To each his own but I would like to be able to tell the doctor that I do not have multiple sex partners later down the lie. You pay for later what you do today. If you want to have your cake and eat it too then get married, take vows that do not mean crap. make up your own so you can have it all. What will you teach your children one day?? maybe they will ru n into someone with aids or herpes or something then you will be proud of your kinky sex..

Type your comment here...You must be logged in to leave a comment...I guess you think that life itself is boring too. I mean why live 70 years,,, what will you do when you cannot perform anymore?? Is that all you live for is sex?? There is a lot more to life. If you do not want to stay with a person for a lifetime, then simply do not get married. Do not be a whimp and take vows you cannot keep. It becomes a chore with a person when you do not put into your marriage what you promised. There are many people who are married and take the time to work on it, like everything else in life. You get what you work for. When you get old and have lived your sexual life and have nothing left but and old beat up body see who changes your diapers. We all age... From head to toe. So when you think of how boring your relationship is remember,,,that boring person may someday make decisions on whether you live or die. The person you are with during those times is the one who truely loved you for you not what was between you legs. Do as you please but if you are bored maybe you are the one with the problem. Grow Up

Type your comment here...You must be logged in to leave a comment...I guess you think that life itself is boring too. I mean why live 70 years,,, what will you do when you cannot perform anymore?? Is that all you live for is sex?? There is a lot more to life. If you do not want to stay with a person for a lifetime, then simply do not get married. Do not be a whimp and take vows you cannot keep. It becomes a chore with a person when you do not put into your marriage what you promised. There are many people who are married and take the time to work on it, like everything else in life. You get what you work for. When you get old and have lived your sexual life and have nothing left but and old beat up body see who changes your diapers. We all age... From head to toe. So when you think of how boring your relationship is remember,,,that boring person may someday make decisions on whether you live or die. The person you are with during those times is the one who truely loved you for you not what was between you legs. Do as you please but if you are bored maybe you are the one with the problem. Grow Up

you say you know about her husband and her your wife,,,,does the opposite apply, do the husband and wife know about it if not you are having and affair period The time you spend with her you could be spending with your wife. Maybe then you might see your wife for the person you love

I was on the other end of the cyber affair. It was 11 years ago with my husband and a co worker. They started talking about their marriages at work and then he gave her his email address at home and she started writing him every day until I found out after 2 months,. She had been working with him for over a year He was at the job over 20 years. She was a *****, She was married to a man that was my husband's age, at the time 45 she was 34 my daughter's age. She said her husband knew... he did. I talked to him. How stupid. My husband still works with her and it supposedly stopped. After I told her never to write her again. It has been pure hell for me and my family. This is just as bad as a normal affair. You need to stop this crap. Go to a marriage counselor or get a dam divorce. You are two faced, a *****, **** whatever,,,liar , cheat, you will rot in hell if you do not stop now. This crap has got to stop. You are living a life your family would be ashamed of. I do not care what you call it it hurts when you catch someone doing this. The other person sees when you are weak and then they pull you down. I wish they would start a cyber affair anonymous. I hope it happens to you all on the other end and you see the hurt. Maybe while you are busy on here having your jollies, your other partner is having the real thing right under your nose. Grow up you live in the real world not fake. no excuses accepted.

I've been having an online "affair" for 4 years now. Unfortunately with Skype, and text and everything else these days it is very easy to become at least infatuated with someone you have never actually met. I have stayed away for as long as six months at a time, but still could not quit thinking about him and always go back. He is the same. He never does the going away though. He is single, I am not. We are never more than a text message away, and we do alot of it. We have plans to meet in 3 years, after some major changes, if we still want to. But I totally agree. You can't truly know a person unless you live with them (see them every day), and you can't truly love a person unless you know them. It is a very frustrating situation at times, but also very addicting. When you are married to someone who barely knows you exist, yet know there is at least one person out there who can't stop thinking about you, it can make for a lot of heartache.<br><br />
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Be Careful!

Would love advice here. I just found out that my husband has been having a cyber affair with a woman in another country. By the time I found out it was over but I am crushed and alarmed. I was almost ready to forgive and go into counseling with him (and he was going to go individually as well), then I dug deep and found emails, etc. I cannot get over the level of intimacy I found "I love you, I miss you" etc. They were definitely using the webcam to have sex, etc. It went on for about 4 months. She sent pictures to him and what bugged me most is that they were happy, sweet, fully-clothed photos, sex shots would have hurt less. He says it was all fantasy, he never had any intention of meeting her, he just got hooked in...he's sorry, he's panicking about losing me (we have 3 young kids in the mix), he'll get help...etc. My question is this: is there any possibility that we can get over this? We have been married over 15 years. I am not sure I can get over how creepy it is, I don't mind about guys ************, but this is heartbreaking. Any advice?

I have had a few cyber relationship - some fell off and one still on. From the few that fell off some are are still in contact and we exchange hi's now and then and wave. But none of them seem to have any hard feelings against "falling off". Of course I came quite close to really falling for a few and had to remind myself this is just a virtual world.<br />
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One thing that we clarified at the initial stage itself was that there's no real future in our cyber relationship as most of us are married and have own responsibilities to handle. All that we agreed on was for a sincere and honest appreciation of each other's friendship and company. I still love em all as beautiful lovely persons. <br />
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Just accept the fact that you have your own personal responsibilities if you are engaged/married already and take the cyber relationship as just a fun activity on the side. Don't let them drain you emotionally - just take 'em as lovely neighbors who are on the move.

How does he crush you?? Want to know so I can spot the signs and be prepared... <br />
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If that's possible

He has crushed me emotionally over and over and over again, multiply that times 2 years. And I have my messenger box open for him and only him right now, and should he call me again I will be there smiling for him and waiting for his sweet cyber kisses. <br />
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For 2 years he's all I had, so I can't ever hate him.

That is what I am finding. It does hurt when he doesn't e-mail. I got into this to avoid the emotions, but I guess there is no avoiding them...<br />
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I really just want a relationship.

Be careful because it is like any other relationship that evenutally ends. The emotions and feeling all have to be worked out even if it's just behind a white screen. I did the same thing once. It stayed in the cyber world, but in the end it hurt just like the end of a real relationship.

So did I. And I feel very deeply in love with him, and I don't even know what he looks like.