Wasn't Looking, But It Happened.

I'm a pretty quiet person so I don't meet new people easily, but I found communicating online fairly easy. One day a few years ago I signed up for a fan site. After not finding what I was looking for on the main site I ventured into the forums to ask other fans if they knew. This was the first time I had ever posted on an online forum. Not only did I get the answer I was looking for but I got involved in a little game the members were playing.
For the next couple of weeks I'd drop by the forum and play the trivia game with the members. This eventually led to casually chatting, and at some point the forum "romeo" took interest in me. He started sending me personal messages and talking to me constantly. He was a huge flirt and quite the sweet talker. I hadn't had many men interested in me so it felt nice, but I wasn't aware that he was known for flirting with just about every female on the site. Although looking back, I probably should have known from how frequently he'd turn regular conversations into something sexual.
We quickly became close and he said he loved me. I said it back but questioned if I could really love someone I didn't know. He also told me he didn't want me dating anyone else. This wasn't really a problem for me but he failed to mention that he was in another online relationship with a girl on the same site, whom I had actually talked to. I wouldn't find that out till about a year later though when everything went to hell.
Anyway, things progressed pretty quickly. We went from private messages to chatting on MSN. We would sometimes spend 10 hours a day talking. He didn't work and I was in college at the time so we had the time. He wanted to talk on the phone but for some reason I never felt comfortable giving him by number. Truthfully I always knew something was a little off about it but it didn't stop me from falling for him. He was so intense about loving me and it felt great. He also wanted to meet badly but we live in different states so he had to convince his parents, whom he lived with even though he was almost 30 at the time, to finance a move to my city. He had very indulging parents and they agreed. He expected me to be thrilled but instead I was terrified and nervous and even tried to talk him out of moving but he wouldn't hear it. I finally convinced myself that it would be ok and we could make it work in the real world even though I wasn't sure I trusted him yet.
The day before he left I got a message on facebook from his ex-girlfriend (one he had dated in person, not online) and she told me that they had been seeing each other the whole time. She knew my name because he had told her about me. She showed me conversations she had with him online, sent pictures of them together at events he had told me he attended with a male friend, and even described in detail a weekend getaway they took together a month before. I was shocked and horrified. This was the first man I had fallen in love with and he was cheating on me. I quickly got a hold of him and told him I had no interest in seeing him when he arrived in my city. He blew up, got angry and threatened to kill himself if I didn't. I had several conversations with him afterwards trying to get to the bottom of things but he just continued to lie and make excuses (i.e. blaming me for him being with other girls). I was reluctant to cut him out of my life completely because of the suicide threats. As all this was happening I had mutual friends from the site tell me about all the other girls, some of them underage, he had tried to cyber with during the year we were together. One of the girls was a friend of mine on the site and sent me the messages he sent her.
Finally I told him to stop contacting me because I wouldn't be responding any more and wished him well in his new city. He blamed me for his parents' financial troubles (they didn't really have the money to come here but he insisted they did) and he and several of his online friends unleashed a series of hateful and threatening attacks against me on the site we all frequented. I've since moved on and haven't talked to him in over a year but I do still think about him often, and even miss talking to him on occasion. Sometimes I wonder if I wasted a year of my life with him and if my feelings for him were ever real. More so I wonder if his feelings were real or if he was just using me.
Sorry this story was so long. I don't get the chance to talk about it often and just felt like getting it off my chest.
TrulyLost10 TrulyLost10
22-25, F
8 Responses Jul 16, 2010

I want to **** u hard

I've had this sort of thing happen before. It wasn't a complete waste for the first time you felt what "love" felt like even if it was just for a second.

I don't think it was a total waste. You did alot of talking and probably letting out alot of feelings which you probably wouldn't have with anyone else. As long as you never saw him, not a big deal. He was probably ugly and old anyways. Lol

Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment. If there's a way to respond to each of your comments directly, I don't know it so I'll just address you all here. <br />
<br />
XmartinX - I am sorry to hear about your experience. Just over a year was enough to mess me up so I can't imagine what 3 years of mind games did to you. The woman you described does not sound too stable or sincere and it's probably for the best you never made it to America to see her in person. The experience I told of here was my first real venture into the whole internet scene and I never expected to get so wrapped up in it, but like you said, we probably wouldn't have been looking for love on the internet if our real lives felt complete. <br />
<br />
Mediocre - Thank you for your kind words. He did in fact move here (with his parents) and continued to beg me to see him for a couple of months after I told him to leave me alone. When I wouldn't agree he tried to find me at school and work, but was never able to. I do realize I was right to listen to my instincts about him, I just wish I had listened earlier before he moved. <br />
<br />
Joevvin - I suppose you get a companion...someone to talk to, someone who wants to talk to you. <br />
<br />
Pnerad - Thanks. I hope you don't too, but if you choose to have an online relationship just be sure to trust yourself about what feels right for you. <br />
<br />
Jackk45 - I know it seems irrational to miss him after everything but it's not something I can really control. Maybe things would have been different if I was seeing him face to face, maybe I could have told by looking in his eyes that he was lying, but I don't really regret the time we had together even if it feels like I wasted it sometimes. It was a learning experience. And It's kind of funny to read that you believe he's a sociopath because I realized the very same thing some time ago. <br />
<br />
CuriousSgt - Yes, I am glad I shared it and I'm sure there's many others out there who have made similar mistakes. Just like in real life, the internet is full of both the good and the bad and we have to learn how to navigate it or we'll end up getting burned. I think I'm finally getting it. Thanks for the compliment on my writing. :)

very touching story. i pray i don't fall a victim. sorry about that anyway, i really felt it.

Wat you get from a "online" relatioship ?

Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing, least you can learn from that. Who knows if he was actually moving anyway? maybe that was a lie also. I sure hope you didn't fall victim to his guilt games and to make you look like the bad person. It was all him, you did nothing wrong. Just shows how important it is to listen to your gut instinct! All the best.

hi, i saw this while just browsing. <br />
<br />
i have gone through a very similar experience myself! i'm a 38 year old british guy and in early 2007 i met a woman from illinois on myspace. i thought we got on amazingly well, she ended up professed her undying love for me so many times and so intensely, i couldn't believe it! - but i did. i thought i'd met my soul mate. i agreed to sell everything i owned, and go to live in america, i even got pneumonia from using no heating in the winter while i saved cash (i'm not rich). but it was all a lie. "i'm bisexual, and don't give a **** what you think about it" she said one time. i found out later that she had 3 boyfriends who had commited suicide after knowing her. thankfully, i didn't get to america, because it's just so expensive, but it still took 3 years out of me, and ripped me to pieces of course. <br />
<br />
i know what you mean when you say you miss him. i miss her and kinda hate myself for feeling it, but if a person values love and people, you can't just let go, even if you "know better". i think one thing to keep in mind is that a lot of people on the internet are there not just because it's great and fun, but because their real lives have failed - not because it's not their fault. there are nasty people out there.