I Wanna Have Anorexia Again

During the tenth year of high school I got really sad
and i really dont know why but i started feeling fat and with a very low self-steem
so start doing diets, at first i stopped eating fat, then sugar... and finally I just feed myself with liquids
water, caffe or juice, i was cold all the time and everybody always said i was pretty thin and i liked it 
even thought i have no images in my mind of myself thin, all i remember is that i was happy
maybe the happiest i've ever been, i have been heathy for 2 years but i wanna be happy i wanna feel
thin again, i just wanna be happy
Harmont Harmont
18-21
5 Responses May 9, 2012

Surely you understand that you had a mental and physical illness back then, one that could have KILLED YOU!!!<br />
<br />
You are BETTER now, not WORSE!!<br />
<br />
You are healthy now. Remind yourself that you are CURED now

i understand what u say but, this illness works for me as a wall that keeps me aone from people and pain, i can't explain it but i'm happy when im with Ana and i don't care about anything else, i know i wrong and selfish but i'll rather that than hating myself for the rest of my existence.

I have no words for the individuals actively encouraging you to pick up Anorexia again. I can call them all sorts of names, reason with them but I doubt I will make a dent in their armor if they are already calling their disorder "Ana". <br />
<br />
I will tell you my story. I'm a male, had anorexia nervosa for 6 years and recovered over two years ago. I did untold damage to my body, shortened my lifespan and took years of happiness from my family due to my deluded chase for a thin body. Anorexia is tied to individuals who feel that they have no control over their lives, want perfection or both. You are only buying into a delusion if you think that being thin equals success, happiness or control over your life. Its a dream. Escapism. While you buy into it, untold damage is being done to the ones around you and yourself that wont manifest until its too late. <br />
<br />
Don't be like these people commenting on how Ana made their issues go away or easier. Be brave, hold your beautiful head up high and take responsibility for whatever situation you are in. These previous commenters werent, they accepted Ana and do they seem happy? I got rid of anorexia two years ago. I finally feel like I can breath, be happy and I have a killer attitude to back up me up. Be brave girl.

That's exactly the way i feel, i mean my weight when i was with Ana was 85 pounds nad now i weight 126, so im desperated, i cant stand to look myself at the mirror so fat, so unperfect when everything used to be so controled and every attemp that i make to go back with Ana is failure!

I have anorexia, <br />
I developed it 3 years ago then got better, then a year later my weight had gone from 95 - 160 lbs <br />
I could've stand it and I decided to accept Ana again.<br />
I eat 500 calories and ive gone from 160 in November to 138 now. <br />
I completely understand your wishing to be with Ana again. <br />
:)