Living With Anorexia

 



Living with Anorexia



 During my childhood and adolescent years I was always know as the “skinny” girl. My father and his friend called me olive oil (from Popeye), tooth pick, and if that gives you any idea as to how tiny I was, and consistently staid I had a tape worm. These words, I believed subconcentaly influenced by anorexia.



 My problem with anorexia blossomed in the 8th grade. I never that I was fat, I knew how I skinny I was but because everyone expected me to stay skinny I did just that. My siblings and I had to take our lunch everyday in brown bags. Starting in late October 1993, I would pack my lunch every morning, my father thought I was taking my lunch however what I did with it when I arrived at school still haunts me to this day.



 Every day I skipped both breakfast and lunch. I did eat a large diner and my father had no clue as to my terrible secret. I doubt my friends at school knew and if they did they never confronted me about it.



My secret is out!



I sat in history class and there was a knock on the door, the guidance counselor peeked his head in and asked to see me. He escorted me to my locker and told me to unlock it! And before I knew what was happening he was telling me there were complaints about a smell from my locker and as I opened it I knew what he would find.



 As I stepped back I felt that I was dreaming, this could not be happening, he was not to going to find out my secret and then it happened, he started throwing by books on the floor and then he saw, the months and months, nearly 4 months of rotten brown lunch bags that smelled horrible. The sight was horrifying, he opened up the class room door near my locker and pulled the teachers trash can out in the hall, and it didn’t take long to fill the can. Next he made me grab the large trash can in the hall and begin filling it with my lunches. I was so embarrassed. I cried and cried as I knew that my secret was out and what had just happened. Later, friends asked me what that was about and I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone. I hoped deep down inside I was dreaming and I would wake up.



 Later that day I was called into the school nurses office. She asked me questions upon questions about my eating habits, explained to me what Anorexia was and said I needed some help.



 I arrived home that afternoon and my father called me into his room. The nurse had contacted him and he discussed my “anorexia” with me. I convinced him I was fine, that I was just “embarrassed” about taking my lunch and I didn’t need help. He somehow believed me, but monitored the best he could my eating habits. I however, knew I needed some help.



 We didn’t have the money for a therapist and I knew that so I sought guidance from my school nurse. This only went on for a month and I then stopped the sessions. I knew in order to fight this I had to do it on my own.



 When I graduated in 1998 I only weighed 92 lbs, I could not even leave for Army Basic training because I was too small. I wanted to gain weight, I knew how little I was, I would look in the mirror and be disgusted by my reflection. I had a very low self esteem and wanted to make things right for me.



 Over the last 8 years I have struggled with my weight. If I got to 110 lbs I would be o.k., but 120 lbs I would stop eating again. However, I knew I had to gain weight. Once I passed the 120 lb mark I seemed ok. I have an 8 month old son and the day I delivered him I was 172 lbs. I felt FAT but knew it was just baby. During my pregnancy I finally was able to let my weight issues die down (a little). I have a picture of myself from high school that I look often to remind me of what I don’t want to be. I know that I will always fight this problem, but as long as I maintain a good self image I will be o.k. I like the way I look now and I have fought hard to be 134 lbs.

RotRosha RotRosha
26-30, F
6 Responses Jul 12, 2006

How did you manage those hard times when you had made so much progress, but something happened and you felt yourself slipping back?

I'm almost in tears reading your story. I've gone through a very, very similar experience. Stay strong hun. I don't know if you struggle anymore, but just know that there are more of us out there xx

I read your story but I still want to be an anorectic girl. <br />
I'd love to have less 20Kg. I want to restart my "anorexia". I know it is so drangerous for my health, but I really want to.<br />
I hate me body, I hate my face, I hate me !<br />
I am deeply thinking about restart it. Maybe this week, I don't know. Although, I'm afraid with the fact tha it can be harmful for my studies and grades.<br />
<br />
PS. I'm sorry for the incorrect phrases or words, but I am portuguese and I have not written pratique in english. :S

Do not, repeat, do not start an anorexic eating pattern. If you do that you will run the risk of developing osteoporosis which means that your bones will break very easily and have difficulty healing. Generally people develop this condition when they old but you can contract it when you're 18 if you are anorexic. Also, you will stop getting your period if you're anorexic and you'll get really bad cramps instead I know because that happened to me when I was anorexic. If you eat this way now you will probably have difficulty having children or not be able to have them at all. I hope you don't take this a lecture. I'm telling you this because I care about you!!!! I was anorexic and I didn't think I could ever like my body but after two years of hard work I've worked past it and my life is so much better!!!! Talk to a therapist or a school counselor or someone you trust if you feel ugly to help you accept yourself. You can do this!!!! Stay healthy and God bless <3 <3 <3

It never would have occured to me that in calling someone thin or slim that it could have that effect, normally I only hear of people being called fat becoming anorexic. I hope that you continue to make progress, best of luck *hugs*

You are doing very well and should take credit for what you have acheved so far, you have been through a lot of pain, you don't say why you finished talking to the nurse, therapy can be very helpfull but also painfull, I would recomend some therapy if you can afford it, or even find out free help in your area from your DR or helth clinic<br />
Take care<br />
Ade

Anorexia can be a horrible disease, and your success at continuing to fight it off is inspiring. How are you doing now?