Completely In Limbo

Two weeks ago I had a pap smear done. I got the results this past Thursday that I have MSIL, HPV and Severe Dysplasia. I am 2 months from my 38th birthday and have five kids, four of which I've given birth to. They are wanting to do a Colposcopy, Biopsy and Hystesonogram. They have also referred me to an Endocrinologist to rule out Prolactinoma. When they called to deliver the results and schedule the Colposcopy I was told they were concerned we were dealing with advanced cervical cancer because of the other symptoms I presented with at the time of my pap. She didn't use the words "to rule out cervical cancer". So now I am 19 days away from my biopsy and I'm a little concerned. I'm not scared really because if it does turn out to be cervical cancer at least I would have an answer for some of the ailments no one else seems to be able to diagnose and it's fixable. The word cancer is scary but it would be nice to have some answers. However, I'm trying not to worry and I'm being told not to let it consume my thoughts until I know something more but I feel that starting Tuesday my life got stuck in limbo. I waiver between being worried and wanting to be relieved that someone is listening and helping. Sometimes I find myself fearing the unknown and the what-ifs. No one seems to understand my feelings of limbo. I am being told that all women have abnormal results at some point and have to be faced with the same procedure I'm about to go through. But the doctor is very concerned that we are looking at advanced stage. It has been a few years since I had my last pap and I came in with the following symptoms:

Pelvic and lower back cramping almost constantly (one doc thought it was endo but I wouldn't let them test because they said there was nothing they could do where it was located)

Mensus is now coming every two weeks, full cycle each time

I have brown discharge that I call sludge with a foul odor

I have yellowish discharge all the time with an odor

I have lost quite a lot of weight rather quickly in the last few months

I have diarrhea almost constantly

I am nauseated all the time

I have headaches almost every day

There were a few other things as well but these are the most bothersome. Because of those symptoms she is concerned we are past the pre-cancerous stage. It is still very possible that it will come out negative for cervical cancer, which means more testing and docs in order to figure out the other issues. In the meantime, I have no support from my husband and I feel a little lonely during this process. I don't want to tell anyone else just in case it comes back with everything ok. But I also feel like I'm in limbo. Anyone else ever had this dreadful feeling?
princessofdenial princessofdenial
41-45, F
2 Responses Aug 3, 2013

I am also waiting to have my colposcopy October 28 some of the same problems you are having, but not want to tell others yet. I also need someone to talk to, I been burning for two weeks but nothing the doctor give me stop the pain, odor, discharge, my pap abnormal and blood in urine, I know I have it, it just what stage, my doctor said not to worry how can I not, my husband not happy he can't have sex and all I want is to stop burning. I can understand what you are going though. What did the doctor say at your last appointment ?

I went to the doctor yesterday for my results from my Pap smear. I have cancerous cells in my cervix and need to have surgery. I am 24 years old. I am unsure how to handle it. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.