I Have Toxic Parents And They Don't Go Away!

After 30 years, I finally realized that I am a normal person and I am not the horrible daughter that my parents want me to be. Since I was a child I remember my mom saying I was the black sheep of the family. Always making remarks about my weight, or how I dress or how I was doing in school. Never the daughter they wanted.

I ended up in a controlling relationship. My husband was addicted to **** and he said that the only reason he looked **** was because I wasn't a virgin when he met me. He kept this addiction for more than 10 years. We lived with his mom. It came to the point that we were married and the only people that knew about it was his mom and him. I didn't feel I could trust my parents. The last time I saw them I was 20 and my mom hit me, gave my clothes away and according to them I was so fat that nobody will want to marry me. So they would eat together I would cook for them but I was only allowed to eat the left overs.

Even when I graduated from college my mom said that she was embarrassed of me because my degree was worthless and I was never going to be a successful person like my dad.

I am separated from my husband. I told my parents about my husband and he was very controlling, he destroyed my credit and used me to take care of his mom. I would have to also dress how he wanted or his mom approved. It came to the point that if we were going to eat something and I didn't order how he wanted he would not eat and the next day he would tell me that because of me he was sick all night so next time I had to make sure to order the food he can eat. We didn't even sleep in the same room. My parents don't see anything wrong with this behavior. Now, I asked for the divorce, just a simple divorce I am not asking even for1 cent from him and he said that if I don't do what he wants he will not give me the divorce ( He said this in front of my parents). I was hoping to have the support of my parents. But instead, they are trying to convince me to do what he wants. My husband paid a plane ticket for my parents to come and see him and then spend time with me. I told them that I don't have a desire to talk to him and he is just manipulating them.

Even that they know about the abuse, they say that I am being a bad wife and he deserves to be heard. We are talking about a man who didn't want to meet them for 10 years and watched *********** while I would take his mom to work at 5 am and he would stay home to watch this. He would follow me when I wasn't with him. To the point that an ex friend got tired of him and called the police on him when he went to look for me. He wants me to falsify taxes and documents and I don't want to. But my parents don't believe me.

As soon as my parents told me that they are coming even if I don't want anything to do with my husband, I stopped communication with them. But my parents don't care, they keep sending me emails and asking my other brothers and sisters that I must communicate with them so I can reserve a hotel room for them. My feelings and emotions are not important for them.

It makes me sad that my parents don't love me but at the same time I am proud of myself because after two years of therapy and hard work I realized that I am not a bad person. After I left my husband I did my first triathlon, I am an independent woman and I love myself. I was affected by the recession and I don't make the money that my parents want me to make. I don't have the children that my parents.

In my parents eyes, I am an ungrateful daughter that is stubborn and has a horrible personality. I am not doing what god wants therefore I am unhappy. I am an adult and they still come and try to make decisions for me. When I was a child and a teenager, they would hit me, read my diaries, listen to my phone conversations, my mom would make things up just to find out if I was having sex... it was a mental abuse . She would get me in trouble so my dad would be mad at me. She was never affectionate or nice to me. For the last ten years I see them once or twice a year and things haven't changed. I know why my mom doesn't like me and my dad is obsessed with having a relationship with me. When I graduated from college my dad gave me a car and he used the car as a way to manipulate me. I ended up selling that stupid car and to this point I rather walk in the cold winter until I can save for I car.

When they are not around I am happy and full of energy but as soon as they start calling two or three times a day until I answer the phone I get very afraid and sad and frustrated. I feel harassed by my parents. It bothers me that when I am around my dad he is checking me out and telling me that I need to lose weight or making comments about my body. My mom tells friends in front of me tat I don't love her and she feels bad because I don't want to take her shopping to her favorite stores.

I want to be alone but they keep looking for me. It is getting to the point where I want to move, change my name and not talk to my family again



An Ep User An EP User
Jan 18, 2013