I Still Miss HimI had an english teacher who I called Mr. J back in 11th grade. He was the nicest, sweetest, quietest teacher we ever had. All my friends new I had a crush on him, and they would tease me. We used to joke that he knew about it, but wouldn't do anything about it.
When I was in school, it was common thing to consider your teachers your friends. And it was a common thing for me to hug friends, so of course I would hug my teachers. Now some would get quick hugs, others would the get the long hugs. He was the only one to hug me back just as long as I hugged him, without complaining. And he was always so warm. He was always smiling, even when we (the students) would ignore him in class. His smile and laughter was so contagious. When I was in 11th grade, a lot things had spiraled downward. Things would get worse and worse each day, and yet he was the only one to try and cheer me up without saying any words at all. Like most students who have crushes on their teachers, I would do good in his class. Just to hear him praise me would put a smile on my face. I would day dream about him and me being together, however I knew for a fact that would never happen.
He was gonna get married, and in my senior year. He was married. I knew where, when and how to get there. Yet I never went to the wedding. There were things about him that I knew that not many people knew.
I admit I was crushed. I still am crushed. Cause he was the only one I ever liked that never steered me wrong. And knowing when to give up on him is hard for me to do. I miss him. And I don't know what is worse. Me missing him as my crush, having this dull ache in my heart to stop hurting? Or missing him as the one friend who stood by me when I was willing to take my own life?