I Have Had A Crush On My Teacher
11th february 2010
i have always liked guys that are a little older than me, but never this older than me. so it all start when i was at the end of year 7 at school, and we had the summer holidays coming up. i hate my maths teacher she was an idiot, and i was naughty so i got sent to the maths office. there was a man there who i didn't know he was new and was going to be my maths teacher when i was in year 8, along with a woman. but in the maths office i remember his first words where, u want paper or do you want to write on your arm, because i had pen all over my hands.
then i didn't think much of him over the summer holiday, but at the start of year 8 i really started to enjoy his math lessons. i had two maths teachers him and a idiot lady. i had the lady teacher every day apart from wednesday, and i had him every wednesday. so half way through year 8 i began to get bullied alot, and i had know where to go, so i turned to him and he helped me and wrote there names down, they usually called me a man and took the mick out my sports and things. but a few weeks after he started helping me people began to say i fancies him, and they said i wanted to do inappropriate things with him. at first i thought, no way i don't, but then a couple of weeks after these rumors started, i realise i did like my teacher. and he picked up on it all and began ignoring me.
then i found out in year 9 he wouldn't teacher me, i was gutted. at the beginning of year 9 in september 2008, my friend done the stupidest thing and added him on a website, and i got in huge trouble for that, even though i didn't add him on there myself, it was taken out as stalking and things.
then it was awkward for ages, for months and months i walked past his class room, because my maths class was next to his, and my form room was opposite his, and i always looked at him, i couldn't help it, he had stamped on my mind, when i saw him i got butterflies in my stomach, and he had know clue that i missed him when it was the weekend, and i thought of him every single night with out fail. i new his first name, and i new his birthday and his wifes name and everything, people told me all of it, i wish they hadn't.
this went on for ages.. but then in march 2009, i found out that he was leaving at the end of the school year, and i felt like i was not going to survive, like a piece of me had just been ripped in half : .. i knew they where rumors so i blocked them out, until may i found out they where true, and that just killed me inside, every time i saw him and he smiled at me, i couldn't smile back because i felt like if i did i'd burst out crying, and he new that i new he was leaving. and everyone carried on the rumors and said that i would miss him and die when he's gone, and they where basically telling me my own feelings, it was so horrible.
then it came the day he was leaving and it was also the day of a show which most of the students went to but i didn't, and he didn't go i'ver, so there was only less than 100 people in the school, and he taught me for the two lessons before lunch. it was a good day, until the end of it, i chatted to him like all day, and asked him questions, and made him a card, like most of the classes, saying we will miss you sir. i made him a book mark, and at the bottom in little letters put my name, and tiny tiny letters put ilu (iloveyou), to get my feelings out.
i didn't really get to say good bye to him in any sense. and that night when i went home at the start of the summer holidays i just sat there the whole night in my room and cried, and did for months and months.
he left in july, and then in october, i still thought of him, but i didn't cry as much about him, although i still thought i'd never forget him.
then in january 2010 my friend mentioned a quiz night at my school that gets put on every month. she asked me if i wanted to come next month, feb, and i said i probably would go yeah. she started explaining i all to me.. then she said something that totally ruined all my happiness, she told me that the teacher i had a crush on goes every time to this quiz night, and from then on i have thought of him every day and i miss him SO much : and i told her i can't go to the quiz night (its the same time every month) because i go to a class every time the quiz is on, even though it's because if i see him, i think i will faint.
hopefully i will get over him, i know its just a petty crush.. but it seems like he's a big part of my life, even though he lives like 30 minutes away so i will probably never see him again, unless i try to.