Not Unhappily Ever AfterThere is a difference between being raped for the purposes of destroying you ... and being raped to capture you. Though, I suppose the latter does destroy something in you, too. I've been raped both ways, and the first one is horrible and unspeakable. A person who does that has no right to still be alive; castration is too kind a punishment.
But in the latter case, he can't help himself, maybe out of more than simple lust. He does it with a desire to possess. He doesn't leave me to die or be found by someone else -- he keeps me and ***** me over and over, no matter how much I resist and beg and cry. He ***** me because he needs to, but he also does it because his **** is the key to unlocking me. I'm just a particularly difficult portal.
I have always been adverse to commitment and long-term relationships. The thrill of falling in love/lust and the first few couplings fades, and I had chosen to stay at liberty to feel the rush of new couplings. But now and again, there have been obsessive, possessive men who have refused to take "no" as a possible answer to their demands.
Maybe it's me ... maybe I present a certain type of challenge to a certain type of man. Some men love to pursue, and lose interest once they've caught the girl. I guess I'm like that too, so I can't blame them for being like this. It suits me to be with such a man, because by the time he's ready to move on, I am, too.
But for some men, once they've caught the girl, they consider her their possession, and will work like hell to make sure the dumb ***** understands that. For an idiot **** like me, that means being ****** repeatedly into a sort of nervous submission.
Some of the men attempt to force me into a longer-term relationship, and though over time I'd developed a kind of skittish nervousness as a relationship matures and evolves, some men like it ... because it means they get the chance to rape some sense into me (as one man put it). I've been kidnapped and held in a remote place and raped repeatedly till I was too exhausted to resist anymore. In a way, I respected his persistence and desires.
But especially, I grew to crave the explosive ******* that this type of sexual obsession produces in me. Being held against my will, being hurt and wounded against my will, it's a sort of erotic sickness. I don't crave a cure, and I quickly grow addicted to being raped, and I can't tell if I'm being contrary, or if I am genuinely resisting.
Being told that I'm going to be possessed like a wild animal, being called dirty names, being forced to answer if I should be spanked, or made to choose between him dumping his *** into my unprotected ***** or being ***-raped ... they make me *** with wild abandon. Ashamed and humiliated at needing to be subjugated as a piece of tamed fuckmeat is the most erotic experience. I can't live without it -- it's really the ultimate mindfuck!
This kind of rape -- I'm unsure if it's really rape, since I crave it so badly. Ultimately, one man succeeded in forcing me to the altar -- a civil service in a city neither of us had ever lived in, and I am still legally bound to him. I struggled for years to escape him, but he kept me lustful and possessed ... and now we're decades into this thing called marriage. Not that it's been a happy-ever-after ... it's still a strong lust! And I am not at all unhappy.
He notes that I like persistent, aggressive men who enjoy forcing their ***** into me. Well, he should know better than anyone else I ****, right? That's what he gets for needing a wild, untamable ****; he deserves me!
auroramaru 46-50, F 21 Responses 16 Mar 17, 2011