Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Was Raped And Orgasmed Whilst It Happened

I was raped two years ago by a 16 year old friend of my sons. I was raped twice, and on both occasions I had an involuntary ******. Its left my sex life changed and my views on myself very different. Coming to terms with it has been a long process.
emilyrogers78 emilyrogers78 36-40, F 26 Responses Jan 28, 2012

Your Response


Several thoughts come to my mind.
Was it really rape, or did you secretly (even from yourself) desire his body? Real rape means you despise the man, scared etc.. Many women have unwanted sex but is it real rape? Maybe be illegal - that to me is a side issue. Morally, of course, there may also be little difference.
But then again, it is society that tells us an older woman should **** a younger male. Does the age really make a difference morally?
It may well be your body needs male bodies more than you realise. Medically it is well known that most women become very healthy if they ****** intensely often. Just the way a woman's body and mind is constructed.
Part of the problem is that the word "rape" immediately means something evil and illegal. Many such actions (as other stoties here on EP describe) are actually longed for by some women - can that really be rape?

I would love to read an update on your life etc., to see how you feel about it now.
Did it destroy your life, or has it freed you sexually and enabled intense ******* with husband/lover?

In her other story she talked about how it has put a downer on her sex life. You come off as a jerk. If she secretly desired him then she'd be at fault for being a *********. She was forced and it was not signaled to him, it was rape.

Your views on yourself should have changed little. You are even able to say on here that you understand your body involuntarily orgasmed. Not exactly the same but your body might have indigestion after a meal you really didn't like; a physical reaction that's little related to the mood you're in. I agree with posters that think he should be in jail or punished somehow.

you should have nailed his *** to the sorry it happened to you.but he should be in jail

I am sorry to hear it. Even though you orgasmed, this doesn't count as an excuse for the rapist. Rape is a crime.

Your reacting doesn't mean that the rape was something you wanted!
So, having said that the "little bi - guy" part of me that would love it wants to know if the memory arouses you - do you find yourself dreaming of a repeat visit? If he came back would you let him in?

I just stumbled across your story while checking in on friends, I don't think the labellers on here help much. Sex is an animalistic urge. The fact that you were excited while being raped is an animal response. Given the right stimulation any woman will ******, wether it's being raped, made love to, self pleasure etc will all result in ******.
You know what happened to you was horrific and wrong, that's why the thought of deriving pleasure from it seems wrong too. This was an auto response one you had no control over. Sexual arousal is something we have no control over, why do people get turned on by erotic pictures etc.
The reason you fantasise about this now is your body craves the response again... the rush of endorphines that were released by your brain to help your body manage the trauma of rape.
It's not the act your body craves but the rush that was derived from rape.
Just be careful with this information. Sharing with guys could trigger the same act . . . . ie in court it would be said you were inviting guys to perform the act of rape..... this story could be used as a defense in a trial or something.
I mean if you were approached by some guy because of this story.
Just be careful we're not all pigs.

How did he rape you twice?

you had an ****** because you were turned on. you are having trouble dealing with it because society tells you that you shouldn't have been turned on by it. i suspect that you fantasize about it all the time and maybe feel guilty after. you shouldn't feel that way. just be honest with yourself and admit that it turned you on. its nothing to be ashamed of.

As a counselor, what happened to you is not uncommon. The loss of control, the body betrays the mind, and the shame when you know, that they know, your climaxed. Where the real issue happens, is later, in the arms of a loving mate, you find, your mind wanders back to what happened, and part of you is shamed, that those thoughts, bring more arousal.

Yeah, cause the sex was hotter with the rape. I don't why anyone would feel ashamed about it? To me it's no different then having that really hot 1 night stand and thinking dayum the person I'm dating doesn't compare, but so what? I'm confused by why there is a mental conflict?

Surprising how it happened twice... and that you have been going on with it. Take some help. You might soon end up in an all encompassing spiral downwards.

I got from her post that her assailant attacked her twice on one occasion.

I believe that's right.

would you like to explore more?

@ sarahcantstop<br />
you wrote:"I've been thinking about why someone might get sexually excited by rape, and I think part of the idea is that .... and this going to sound weird, so I apologize in advance .... it's really very .. flattering. Here is a guy who, really, is risking jail or worse (you might have a handy frying pan, or a husband in the Marines) to "do" you because he just can't help himself. You (that is, in my fantasy, I) are just so sexy and appealing that he is overcome with lust and cannot prevent himself from ravishing my charms."<br />
<br />
wouldn´t a woman be extremely superficial thinking if she really thought that this guy "only wants her so much, that he is doing a rape" because in the end any woman should be smart enough that exactly this guy would rape any woman possible, that doesn´t look really ugly. i mean as if "she" was the only person he would ever rape....come on and get real.

I can imagine a scenario in which a man is consumed by his desire and that this desire mixed with youth and hormones would drive him to take by force what he does not believe he can have by his charm. Legal technicalities, crime and punishment, right and wrong, may not be foremost in his lust-clouded mind. I can imagine such a scenario. I can even imagine that this youthful plunderer of a woman's body and spirit believes he is giving her what she really has wanted all along because, well, she's moaning as he thrusts, even pushing back against him, even orgasming, even giving the great female cry of joy as she comes.

To this fantasy boy I would say: It is still rape. She doesn't want it. She didn't want it. She is sickened at the thought and sight of you. You have irreparably damaged another human being for your own selfish wants. You are a criminal. You should not be welcome in anyone's home. You should be shunned. You should be put in a prison where perhaps Bubba will make you his personal ***** and play out his personal fantasies by raping you in a way you perhaps had not considered while jacking you off with his dry, rough hand. And you must be enjoying it because, after all, even though you were screaming no! no! no! while it was happening you, much to your surprise, nay, chagrin and horror, you had an ******. So you did enjoy it. Which is a good thing because the four other muscular Aryan Brotherhood men holding you down are ready to take their turn. You'll be learning more about oral sex than you ever imagined.

It was rape, *******.

Yes it was rape, she still liked it. Who said one can not like being raped?

Parse it how you like. If we all agree that a woman having an ****** while being penetrated against one's will by some guy's erect penis is identical to enjoyment, then, yeah, sure, she enjoyed it. Good luck getting general agreement on that one.

The thing is, she said, in so many words, that she didn't enjoy it. We have the testimony of the victim. Saying, yeah, but all that testimony aside, the fear, loathing, anguish at being betrayed by her autonomic nervous system, the possibly irreparable damage to her psyche, her altered sex life, blah, blah, blah, she still enjoyed it, that's my story and I'm sticking to it sounds like something a defense attorney would try to plant in the minds of jurors.

1 More Response

you were raped by a sixteen year old guy and had an ******????? how did it happen?

Where are you Emily? This is such an interesting topic, and you've been so ... quiet ... lately. I've sure we all some interesting thoughts to share on this ......

A friend had was raped by 5 men. She had multiple ******* during the rape. Had oral sex for the first time as well as anal. Her husband will no longer touch her. And she now is exploring the rough sex scene. She seems to want to be taken again. Some of those that raped her had larger ***** than her husbands and she wants to experience that larger feeling again. She is conflicted, whether to try and save her marriage of 30 yrs or not. To explore her sexual yearnings or not. Her husband refuses any she is at a lost....She and her husband are 59. I don't know her husband....We met online. She knows my **** is larger than his and now we both have to decide where to go from here.........

Maybe a bedroom?

I've been thinking about why someone might get sexually excited by rape, and I think part of the idea is that .... and this going to sound weird, so I apologize in advance .... it's really very .. flattering. Here is a guy who, really, is risking jail or worse (you might have a handy frying pan, or a husband in the Marines) to "do" you because he just can't help himself. You (that is, in my fantasy, I) are just so sexy and appealing that he is overcome with lust and cannot prevent himself from ravishing my charms.<br />
<br />
Yeah, yeah, I know that's not what the experts say. "Rape is a crime about power," they say, but darn, it's also about lust. I think just about any girl is flattered by a hard-on .... I know I always took them as a pretty good compliment (didn't know that teen boys ALWAYS have a stiffy, but, oh, well ....). If a guy is sooooooooo turned on, he just HAS to yank down my jeans, peel off my panties so they're dangling from one ankle while he has his way with me repeatedly .... well, that's one of my top three fave fantasies. <br />
<br />
Again, not sure I would want it in real life, but I can see how it might be .... well, I've said enough.

Where am I? California.

Hi there, I had a similar experience I was raped two years ago and still can remember every detail, I haven't told anybody but i had an incredible ******* during my rape, I don't know why but it was so intense that I sometimes can get wet just by remember the moment of the ******, not the raped but the feeling I felt when I was having my ******, I hope we can talk about this,

Like you I orgasmed when raped and it left me changed. Oddly, maybe because it is so intense a feeling, the humiliation is exciting for me.<br />
I am humiliated that I came, and humiliated to have others know(I have posted my story elsewhere on exp. proj. and other places online.<br />
I guess I appreciated the sympathetic posts following my telling of my story. But I was much more pleased and excited by the more....cruel posts, who told me humiliating things.<br />
So, read what I am about to say and hopefully I will be doing you the same "favor":<br />
You did love it.<br />
You deserved it.<br />
You love the humiliation of it.<br />
You didn't fight much did you?<br />
Was your rapist a better lover than your husband?<br />
Do you think of your rape when you **********?<br />
Tell everyone here what you ere wearing when raped, color, type of underthings, bra? no bra? did your nipples show if it was a thin bra?<br />
(an online Dominant man I met had me write a "thank you note" to my rapists(never sent but god the erotic humiliation in writing it)<br />
If you dare and crave the humiliation(you know you do), Thank your rapistrs here and now, write a little note here thanking him.

I have so many conflicting emotions about this. Intellectually, I know it's wrong and dangerous to enjoy being raped, but I have to admit reading this got me very very excited. I read in another post that you felt you were submissive to white men. I feel the same way about black men, although any confident, take-charge guy makes me weak in the knees. Thank you for this posting .... makes me feel like I am not alone.

eb, so good to see you again. And wonderful to see another shamed victom like emiliy here.
I wonder emily...would you resist your rapist if he took you again?
You never tols anyone? But I bet He did. I think your rapist smirked and described your most private parts and how much you loved being taken to all his friends. Did any of your soins other friends give you knowing looks and smiles?
How does it feel to post the details here for all too read? is the humiliation and exposure arousing?
I'd love you chat with you sometime and get more details, really force you to re-live it all. I am on yahoo IM, kingofshame
And ebonygrrl, it is time we chatted again

It is so fascinating to me that the rapist often not only possesses the woman's body during the rape, but can possess her mind for years after. I had a girlfriend who was raped my three guys in a canyon. We had done some foreplay but hadn't had sex yet. After the rape I never again saw her naked, but she became promiscuous and ended up in bed with several guys who were about the age and build of her rapists. It's as if they had imprinted her and had beaten me out with their aggressive. In spite of herself, she craved being roughly taken by well built teens, similar to her rapists.

Was is a White Man who raped you?

1 More Response

She 'tactfully' got him arrested? That must have been one polite cop.

Sorry, that this happened to you and just because your body responded to it does not make it all right, what that boy did was a crime and he will continue to do such things if he thinks that he can get away with it. I'm sure that you are having a great deal of thoughts and feelings. But none of this was your fault, if you were taken by someone in a sexual way and did not what them to do what they did they are at fault not you. I hope that you speak to someone professional and that deals with rape victims. You are a victim and remember that. It was not a fantasy that you have planned out and let happen. Regardless of what others may say you have a right to give your body only too those you chose to give it to and now some young punk that decides he will take what he wants. I wish you the best and hope that you are able to work through all the feelings you are having. Good luck and we are here for you.

@ OldBikerJim
some of the very few posts that don´t leave the impression that somebody is posting because he gets aroused that way!

Pain in rape comes mostly from two sources: one is the physical pain when the dry vagina or the unlubricated rectum is penetrated without preparation, by force, and bleeds, chafes, and tears; the other one is the feeling of being dominated, of being treated like a piece of mindless meat, with the major uncertainty that the rapist, after the ****, is possibly going to hurt you badly, maim you, or even kill you. <br />
I've attended numerous sessions on rape in the 1980s where it was repeated ad nauseam how much rape was not a sexual crime but a will to dominate. But this made me think about the lessons priests gave us where they told us that the penis was the same as the tip of our nose. Of course it isn't! When you circumcise a penis you scar erotically a sexual part of a boy or man. When you pull down a woman's panties and stick something in her **** or in her ***, you obviously act with sexual intent in mind - and if you can (a lot of rapists, the most sadistic ones, are often impotent) you use your **** to assert the power of masculinity over those feminine orifices. Raping a man, for a man, proceeds from the same assumption: you assert power over his feminine *******. <br />
So a rape is basically any nonconsensual sex. However, for centuries women were told to say No when they meant maybe or yes; to feign indifference because only ***** or ****** were daydreaming about *****; to submit to intercourse because men had to initiate sex, not the reverse, except maybe during periods of heat, i.e. when intercourse led to impregnation. So it is quite possible that a large part of the female psyche, whether for natural or cultural reasons, works on a sadomasochistic ba<x>se: the woman being bottom, being the fuckee and not the ******, enjoys sex more when she submits...even and possibly more when she submits by force. Yet there is a lot of difference between role-playing about submitting, and an actual rape. <br />
In your case, obviously a 16-year old male had no doubt that you would enjoy ****: that's what marriage is for. He may have been surprised himself at your orgasming several times - and since there was neither blood nor pain he had no problem feeling he had done you, an «older» female, a favor by giving you some young ****. He also enjoyed, quite likely, spraying with his seed the soft place where his friend was conceived and out of which he came into this world, and cuckolding your husband by filling what's «legally» reserved for his older **** with his young rooster's ball juice. It must have been an extremely rewarding feeling for him to rape you, especially since pulling down pants and panties was kind of a belated «playing doctor» game: he wanted to see yours and show you his. Of course, for you, it led to a lot of soul-searching - what strikes me is how you turned what might have become a whining opportunity (as often happens when only pain is physically assocaciated with forced sex) into an opportunity to see new dimensions for your sex life. You're a very strong and sensuous woman! <br />
Hubby seems to have all the equipment needed to give you some rougher sex. Have you tried it with him? Did he ever spank you? Or did you realize that a woman in her thirties (the most sexual age is between 35 and 45, hormonewise) needs more than one **** to be satisfied?

Over analyzing as usual. It's about fk ING all that control stuff us non sense, and most women lube up during a rape. Why women respond dominance is basic biology, 1) sex receptive for mammalian females 2) impregnation by the most dominant virile man, hints that any offspring would have a similar trait and thus better chance at survival.

Ohhhhh my. Oh my. I .... like what you wrote.

Very interesting. I see how you learned to want rough sex.

So has it become what you think about to get excited?Wondering if you reported it.

I didnt like the first part of it, but my body responded a lot. I would be lying if I said I didnt think about it a lot!

How MUCH did your body respond. I have an idea about how much mine would ....

you liked being raped ....... ??