Married To A Man, Fell In Love With A Woman

I'm so entirely lost right now and hoping to share and hear from others will help.

I'm married to a man who's been away working for some time now and in the midst of this time separation I fell in love with a woman. While I still love my husband, I just don't know if it is the same anymore. He isn't aware of any of this and he isn't in the place where I can tell him because he needs to remain focused for his safety. I've tried to tell him, but it just didn't work.

This is my first time with a girl and the connection we have has been one of the best things in my life. She has opened me like a book and made me feel so comfortable. We are truly happy together up until the last 3 weeks. My husband will be coming home and she has become distant because of it. We still talk on a regular and we still want to share our lives together and be together. I know this is hard for her as well. We shared just about everything together for the last 4 months. My father passed away this week, and it's killing me that she's not here for me like she use to be. She says she is just trying to make this easier. I feel horrible for what I've done to my husband, but being with her has just made me so happy and complete. I know we cannot control who we love, but it is becoming so hard without her presence and support. Any words would be appreciated! Thanks for listening.

Elizabell Elizabell
8 Responses Mar 27, 2011

OK well there are options. Have a 3 way relationship. Stay with him. Divorce him and be with her. Anyway do what makes you most happy :-). We aren't responsible for other peoples' happiness. My friend got left by his girlfriend of 6 years -- she left for another girl, now they're married, and my friend married another girl he has met and been with for 5 years. So it all worked out in the end! Gotta be an optimist :-).

Most of the time, I'm the one who tells people to jump in and 'do it!' - whatever 'it' may be. However, I'm cautious here for a few reasons. 1) You're in your early 30s and you're 'entirely lost' - ? 2) it seems that both your husband and your new lady love have the capacity to make you feel desperate and uncomfortable. I suggest that you to take a step back from both relationships - and get a firmer grasp on who you are and what you want. Then you can step into the future with greater ease and confidence.

I'd say follow your heart. But it would honestly be illogical. It depends on what your priorities are.. your love for him n his feelings. Or your new found self in her.. Which can you live without? I don't mean it won't be hard, just which is more tolerable. Consider even that lesbianism is still some what taboo. Although that is rapidly changing. My advice to you friend is make the best decision while making sure that in the long run you are satisfied, this is honestly about you, and is your decision. N not many people like to share. I honestly wouldn't even advise that being up for discussion. Just take time for yourself away from both of them, n listen to reason.

As a guy, a moody guy I am not sure how you would approach your husband with this. Some guys are just infantile jack-*****, some are 'ok', while others have jack *** tendencies that surface not unlike a woman' s cycle. I call it the 'man cycle'. we are just as hormonal with a **** personality...<br />
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Ok. Why not introduce her into your life by asking if your husband wants to watch you with another woman. chances are he, like most men, would love it. Ok. It isn't 100% honest...don't get me wrong I do not advocate being dishonest but sometime coming clean can do more damage than easing into the situation. <br />
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ba<x>sed on his reaction to the 'event' you may better gauge his reaction to your asking to see her again. Like I said ease him into it. If he knows you want to be with her 'after' you have given him a 'treat' may be less of an issue for him later. <br />
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OK, now how to sell it to your lady friend. If she wants to be with you..and share you with him then she may be willing to accommodate your 'easing' him into it.

I've just read your story and I agree with the other comments. You must follow what you feel. Happiness doesn't come along very often and if this lady makes you complete, then go for it. Your husband, well, you need to talk to him when the time feels right and try and make him understand if you can. None of this is ever going to be easy, but if you stay with him and you're no longer in love, then ultimately you are denying both yourself and him of happiness. Good luck!!

I've been in a sexless marriage for 30 years. For some reason unknown to me he said I was boring, a prude and totally not for him. Why I stayed so long I'll never know. Were still married but I don't live with him any more.<br />
I grew to dis-like, dis-trust for all men. Now I know there alot of good men out there.<br />
Any way after I left him, I had no place to goI had to start over. Of all things I was sitting in the local park when a lovely lady asked if she could join me. That was fine I just continued to look for apartments to rent. After a bit this gal I guess noticed I was looking at apartments. She said that she would be willing to share her second bedroom. I jumped at the chance, and moved in ASAP.<br />
We got along great we shared everything, including rent. Time went by then one day she kissed me, I was shocked but enjoyed it. As more time went by we became hot and a great relationship just budded out of a kiss. Now not interested in men! But my new love and I have created a real pool of friends and were all very intimate with each other.

Thanks. This has been a eye opening experience for me. Not just being with a girl, or hanging out with the lesbian community, but finding a different type of happiness. It's so hard to explain how I feel!! It is just so wonderful. I've come to realize there are a lot more open minded people in the world than I had thought.

If you love her that much, more than you love your husband now, I think it would be best to leave him and be happy with her. I'm sure in time your husband will heal and find happiness if that is what you choose to do. I know it's not that easy to just leave but then it really wouldn't be fair to your husband, to you, or to the woman you love. If you stay with your husband, i'm sure you will try making the most of it, but your entire heart won't be in it. Do you think that's fair to your husband? You wouldn' t be happy and neither would the woman you love. It is a situation you really have to think hard about. Just think what would be best for everyone's happiness in the long run. And it's okay to be a little selfish sometimes. If you really love her and she loves you just as much, that's something really special that doesn't happen everyday, something that I don't think should be overlooked. I think if you find happiness like that, you should keep it.<br />
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I wish you the best of luck!