Play Date

There is only one thing that I have never told anyone and that is this story. When I was younger my parents moved around a lot and the year I was seven we moved to this small little town in Alberta, Canada. At this moment in my life I had no idea what sex was or what kissing was like. I was in grade two and made friends easily. I met one girl in my class and we played at recess and talked during class but we wanted to play after school. If I remember correctly her name was Brittany. So once we found out we only lived about two blocks from each other we asked our parents for a play date.
I remember going up to the front door of her house and she came to the door. I walked in and her house was different than mine. The smell, the look and the atmosphere was foreign to me. Not that it was so different it was scary or unwelcome, just different. I think we watched a little tv and then went to go play in her room.
We played house for a while and I was having fun. Her brother came in and she got mad at him for not knocking. Once he left she said that we should move her big dresser infront of the door so no one would come in. I thought that that was a good idea even if we were only playing house.
Once we moved the dresser she turned off the lights. Sorry about my bad memory but after that its a little blurry. I remember the lights were off, she kissed me but we were still playing house. One of us was the husband so I didnt think anything of it. Nor did I know that kissing a girl would be frowned upon so there was nothing to worry about then. I also remember she was on top of me, maybe humping... but it felt good to me. I'm pretty sure she told me to not tell anyone, like it was a bad thing or something we had to hide from other people.
After all this happened and I went home I wanted to play house again. I wanted that feeling back. I started "************" after that. It wasn't anything close to what an adult would do; It was just humping my pillow or something like that. But I kind of just knew that if someone saw me do that that they would get mad at me or disaprove.
Over the years I have only thought of this memory as the first time I was introduced to any kind of sexual experience. I began to hate that girl, what we did and how it changed me. I thought and still somewhat think that I have to hide that part of me; how that playdate had changed me. I mostly hated her for taking away my freedom. I felt like she had taken my innocence but now I see that sometime before our play date her innocence was taken too.
After that school year we moved again and I never saw Brittany again. I sometimes wonder what happened to her and how her life turned out. I hope she is doing well.
I just recently realized that I like women.This story keeps coming to mind; I never thought of it as a lesbian experience but i guess it is. I look back on my childhood after my experience in grade two and really notice how many (girl) friends I really did do things with. Humping and kissing was the extent of it but I never thought of it as anything different, just that it was something to keep secret.
I've never had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, I've had sex with one man and have kissed a few. Now that I see how I really feel about women, all those experiences with men might have been just a subconscious cover up of how I really felt.
Thanks for reading!
Emma9517 Emma9517
18-21, F
3 Responses Dec 16, 2012

Forget about any resentment because now that you know who you are and what you like, you are better off. If not for the experience with Brittany you may never have been willing to discover your true preferences.

I did resent her for it but now I realize that it really wasn't anyones fault. Its just my story, can't change it!! :) plus, who would I be without that experience!

I totally agree. :D

Hmm, interesting story. I wouldn't hold resent for the experience with her however.
Even when we feel that our innocence or perspective is taken by someone, we must sooner or later face who we really are to realize what our hearts hold.