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My Mom. My Sister, And I

I didn't know any different....

My mom had me when she was 15 and I never knew my dad. I had a great family life while growing up including traveling, growing vegetables in the garden, etc. Just the three of us. I don't remember my mom ever dating or having men around. It's just something I didn't grow up with. The three of us were very close.

Through my adult years, I've suffered from sexual addiction. This has caused problems in every relationship I have had and has led to some frightening experiences. I have a daughter who is 15 now and don't know who her father is. Just another one night stand in a long series of one night stands. I'm not proud of it but love my daughter deeply.

Recently, at 40 years old, I'm having memories surface that I'm not sure are real or imagined. I remember having sex with my mom and my sister when we were growing up. My earliest memories of sex were messing around with my girlfriends in jr. high. Lately though, I remember my mom touching me and me and my mom teaching my sister about sex. I remember knowing things and being far more experienced than my friends in jr. high and high school and this seems to explains it. I don't remember being scared or "abused" feeling and don't think I knew that this was any different from the norm at the time.

My sister suffered from depression as an adult and took her own life several years ago. I don't know if she remembered and this was the cause of her depression. We just never talked about it.

I would like to think that these memories aren't real but they explain so much about me. Could I have made up these memories to answer questions that I don't have answers for?

As an adult, we're supposed to have control and have answers. I don't have either right now.

MaryLuv MaryLuv 36-40, F 3 Responses Oct 1, 2011

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I am a firm believer in our playing roles given to us by our parents or care givers. Those roles we learn, mostly unconsciously, form behavior patterns that last a lifetime. we can't forget them and we struggle to learn replacement behavior if what we are is truly disfunctional. It's not as easy as telling ourselves to forget.... Be strong.

I know and accept the fact that my sexual drive is a direct result of my sexual experiences at a very young age. I have posted stories about that in EP. <br />
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My experiences were with a family member of my own age (maybe just a year older) not with molesting adults. However, they did have an effect on my sexual development.<br />
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If talking to your mother is still possible, try doing that. It might give you some closure. Sometimes understanding the past might help us understand our present and our feelings and desires. <br />
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However, as adults we need to work on our abilities to control our impulses instead of letting them to control us, even if we do not understand where they are coming from. So, looking at the past may be an answer… but sometimes we just have to forget the past and work with what we have at hand without making questions.

I hope you can discover if they are real or not... any possiblity of raising it with your mother?