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Ripped Open

I stood in front of him as he reached out for my chest. Everything happened so quickly. I felt a sharp pain. I looked down & there was so much blood. I looked at him with so much anger & confusion. His hand was full of blood… MY BLOOD! I looked closer & there in his hand laid my heart…
 
My father has a child with another woman, knowing that hurts like hell. Finding that out, felt like my heart was being ripped out from my chest. So much anger & hatred filled my heart that moment. My heart was so sore, that it was even too painful to cry.
 
I don’t know if I could ever look at him in the same way after what he did. Maybe someday, I would have been able to forgive him for having the affair, but how do I ever forgive him for having a child!
 
I sometimes wonder if he actually loved us & why having two beautiful girls wasn’t enough for him. I know that all this isn’t the child’s fault, but I still don’t ever want to meet it. I don’t want anything to do with it. I’m never going to happy that it’s apart of my life & why should I be? I wasn’t happy when it was born, so why should I be happy now that it’s around?
 
I sometimes wonder if my father has ever stopped to realize that my heart still lies in his hands. When will he realize that I need it back? When will he realize that I can’t live my life without it? When will he try to fix the wound that he made…?
 
It’s hard for me to accept what happened. It’s even harder for me to even try to accept it. He ripped my heart out from my chest & because of him, I’ve become heartless & bitter… How will I be able to fall in love? Who’s gonna fall in love with someone with a ripped & wounded heart? I don’t know what to do anymore. Someday my father might return my heart. But in what condition will I get it back…?
Vix3n Vix3n 22-25, F 5 Responses Sep 17, 2010

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Though you think he took your heart from your chest, he only took the shadow of it, tearing and scaring the one left behind. It is in your power to heal it, but even then it will always bear the scars.<br />
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The first step is to accept what he has done, then let it go. It is the past, look toward the future. next forgive, but never forget, for someone that has hurt you so badly can always do it again. Third, make peace with yourself and if possible the child he fathered with someone other than your mother. She is a sister, guiltless in everything that happened. She will need a big sister, someone who understands about the pain and confusion that swirls through her world. Finally look for someone to share your life with, their love will help bind the wounds that tear at your heart every day, I know it isn't easy, things that are worth it rarely are. I know you can do it, because I have done the same with my heart.

Thank u so much for the wishes and being happy with my writing... Say that my opening line was the best ever... Means a lot...

“I stood in front of him as he reached out for my chest. Everything happened so quickly. I felt a sharp pain. I looked down & there was so much blood. I looked at him with so much anger & confusion. His hand was full of blood… MY BLOOD! I looked closer & there in his hand laid my heart…”<br />
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4bvRamMiY4&ob=av3e (full screen is a must)<br />
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The best opening line I have ever read. I too have known this and will live it eternally. <br />
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I will think of you often! <br />
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Best of wishes!

Thank you so much WannaBeWet4U.. it means alot

Oh Vix3n... what's left of my own heart (also recently ripped out) aches for you. I'm so very sorry for what you're going through.