The Irrational Thoughts Still Scare Me...

Before I got pregnant with my first daughter, I suffered 3 miscarriages and took the losses especially hard.  With help from a fertilty doctor, I carried my next pregnancy to term and named her Angelina.  I don't  remember feeling depressed after I had her, but very protective.  When she was 2 and a half I had my second daughter, Lily. 

The storm hit right away.  I was plagued with irrational thoughts and crippling guilt.  I was affraid to show my new baby any affection in front of my toddler for fear that she would think i didn't love her anymore.  I was so depressed that I could not take care of the children. 

Lily was colicy and I was sleep deprived and 50 pounds overweight.  I began thinking that they would be better off without me.  My mother finally forced me to seek help when I confessed to her that I should drive my car off the bridge near my home.  

I continued therapy and was put on medication and slowly started becoming myself again.  Lily is 15 months old now and both girls amaze me everyday!  Looking back, I can't believe what a dark spot I was in.  I'm still ashamed that I couldn't just get a grip even though I know I shouldn't be. 

 

MargaritaSandcrab MargaritaSandcrab
26-30
1 Response Sep 7, 2008

You should be proud of how far you've come. Enjoy every moment with your beautiful girls!