Shocked By Shock Treatment

Who would have though it.  Popular young girl, recognized academic achiever, Magna *** Laude, Phi Beta Kappa, surface successful  - so lost they strapped me down and sent electricy through my head.

I had been misdiagnosed ,over and undermedicated and shipped off to various psych wards and rehabs for years.  Finally one Dr. suggested Shock Treatment.  As a last ditch effort I agreed.  I AGREED.  This took place in NYC after 9/11.  I was a 9/11 survivor.  Worked on the 100th Floor of WTC2.  Detox saved my *** ( I checked in the night before).  I was deparate and had given up hope.  I had failed suicide, but succeded in receiving my last rights and thoughly freaking my family out.

 

It's not something I really talk about in the real world.  In fact and I am a bit embarrased that my life got so out of control that it came to that.  Did it work?  I don't remember (haha if you've had it you know what I mean).  I did pretty much lose memory for several months after.

 

Fast forward to Washington DC  I had been hit by a car after alcohol and drug related "episode"  after weeks in the hospital they tranfered me to psych.  Once again with the friggin shocks  DO I have a sign on my head - HEY please use the most extreme/barbaric psychiatric treatment you've got on me.  They thought i was crazy.

I don't know why I felt compelled to share this.  Today I am off all medication and treat my bpd with behavior modifiation  therapy - ROYAL pain in my ***.  I can hardly recall the years of the so called dr's helping me by drugging me up (can you say thorzine shuffle) and administring shock treatment.  I can't figure out how 10 years later, while I do struggle, I manage with medication or electricity :)

Libby Libby
36-40, F
4 Responses Apr 14, 2007

Hello. I too had been on many, many medications without getting any lasting improvement. Some would work for a short time & then stop all together, some would make my Major Depression worse & the rest didn't work at all. I've never been hospitalized. I won't go voluntarily. I'm afraid if I did, they'd take my kids from me. And I haven't anyone to care for my pets if I go anywhere. I've been lucky to have talked my Dr out of sending me a few times though. Then they suggested the Shock Treatment to me. I thought they were joking at first. I didn't know they even still did Shock Treatments. All I could think of was "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest". Not a pretty picture. After assuring me that it wasn't like that anymore, that it was safe & that a lot of people actually are "cured" of the depression all together, I went for it. It is the strangest feeling - knowing your just gave consent to have your brain plugged into the wall! I did 4 or 5 of the treatments. It did not help me. My depression has gotten much worse. I don't know if that's from the Shock Treatments or just natural progression of the disease. It did make me much more angry & I have horrible memory problems. Good luck to you in all you do.

Hi Libby, I would like to offer you a suggestion. You said that you don't normally talk about your history, etc.<br />
in the real world. That could be part of your problem I never wanted people to know the real me. I got to the point with drinking that I could not go over 4 hours around the clock without a drink. I didn't want to live and couldn't die. A miserable place. Life was rotten until I got into AA and finally surrendered. Quit fighting. Gave up. I truly believe that the Steps of AA, or NA for that matter, will do you more good than psychiatry. AA will not cure your bi polar disorder. This does require medication, but it will help you deal with yourself. I take it that you haven't tried AA. Opening up to others with the same problems and conditions was a big thing with me. Looking deeply into myself revealed a lot of things that I had not previously known. I have been an enlightened and happy man for the past 19 years. Give AA a try. It just might be your answer. It might help. It can't hurt.

im so sorry to hear youve had such a bad time,.i have bipolar and live near London/uk.i had shock treatment because i was very ill.it worked for me .i did loose my memory to.i have been very lucky in that i take alot of meds but never get side affects.we have a very caring health team where i live,and i consider my self very lucky to have them.all treatment in uk is free also.wishing you all the best.bunnydrop

when i was in the phsych ward, several ppl were having shock treatments done. I was amazed these ppl would allow that for themselves. The lady that shared my room had it done and her face looked twisted when she came back. and we were quite close in the hospital...now i hear she doesn't remember who i was..........hnmmmm..can you say "one flew over the cuckoos nest"