Best Friend. Gone.

she was very close to me. basically my sister. but her life was taken from here when it wasn't meant for her.

she was killed January 16, just 10 days after her birthday. 

we both lived out in the country you know like where you could just run for miles and not have to worry about anything? we both loved it. her dad was a farmer. in the summer we would sit around doing nothing but eating strawberries and riding horses. we would go swimming in the lake and take all of her dogs. all 8 of them. but i can no longer do that, for she is gone and she is never going to come back. and here is what happened.

we both wanted to sleep out in the barn that night. and her mom let us do it to. we didn't think anything of it. all night we just took care of the horses. we even snuk out to ride them for about 2 hours. we got back in around 1:30am. we decided to go to bed so we could get up early that morning and help out around the farm. but that's when it got nasty. somebody was going to rob her house and the farm.

we where both sound asleep when he came in. i will never forget the look on his face when he saw Sarah sit up. he shot her, 4 times. the torso, left thigh, chest, and the point blank shot to the head. i didn't move. i wish i had though, i wanted to die with Sarah because i was there too, he should of shot me too. 

they did find the guy. i only know his first name, Jason. when we where in that little room with the mirror in it, and the police standing on the other side and beside of me, i told him what he has done to me. i can no longer go to the farm and spend summers there being a careless teenager. i cant ride horses. i cant close my eyes at night without seeing his face. i cant dream of anything happy anymore. i told him that he has taken away my best friend and that was something i am never going to forgive him for. but in return he told me this and this is what he told me word for word.

"i was not there to rob her house. i was not there to rob the farm. i was not there to kill your friend. i was there looking for you. your mom dumped me for that husband of hers that has beaten you. i am your father. i wanted to take you away with me and show you what a good person i am and not that crap your mom tells you. but now you truly hate me, and i really am sorry but you will forever be my baby girl no matter how much you don't think i am."

the police got the DNA for me and him both and it finds out that he is my real father. and i really wish i would of never met him.

xswinggx xswinggx
18-21, F
6 Responses Feb 11, 2009

I just want to say that I am so sorry you had to deal with this. I had to grow up really quickly when someone close to me died in a similar awful way. I know we have different situations but I want to let you know I'm here if you ever want to talk. I can't add you so add me if you want.

Your constant reminders of his appearance haunting your life has got to be such a difficult daily occurrence, I don't pretend to be able to relate to how it bothers you ... <br />
If only you could see yourself without being reminded of your friend. Her death must make you have to work through issues no one else would have to face. Your boyfriend could be a great help to you ... thanks for talking ...

seeing my real father would not of been as bad if we didnt look the same. we both had the deep brown eyes, the little hands, redish hair. it would no of been as bad if we didnt not act the same. when we both got nervous we start bit our lower lip, look into peoples eyes when we talk to them, we both cryed the same way. <br />
<br />
i can just see myself inside of him. but i didnt want to see that. he killed my best friend. he gives me nightmares everynight. i have to see his face everytime i look in the mirror. and i have to live with that. <br />
<br />
keeping your word by not seeing your own children must be hard. i think it is hard not seeing my boyfriend for 3 days, but years... wow. you are very strong if you can do that. i know you mut love them deeply and staying away is hard, but you are keeping your promise.

Being a father myself, I'm torn by your nightmare, and I am so sorry how everything turned out so wrong. Losing the life of your friend must still be very trying :( ... Your life's load is heavy, I hope it lightens ...<br />
When my ex-wife and I split, we decided it would be best for our kids if I distanced myself so they would follow her role model, not that I'm a bad person, but her guidance is gold. I made that promise 10 years ago, and will never break it. They're around 20 now. I don't know how they might be doing, keeping my word, talking myself into believing that if they ever want anything to do with me, I'm in the book. I've never hid, but kept my distance. Although deep down I feel they are hurt by my not attempting contact all these years. Hopefully their mother has explained to them how I am a man of my word all my life. But that is my quandry.<br />
Your story highlights how your father's somewhat good intentions could go so wrong, and have exactly the opposite of the intended effect, and destroy so many lives, even though he may have had nothing but good intentions. I feel how sad your life has become ... by telling me, you've actually helped me, I thank you, wish you the best, and especially a Happy Valentine's Day ... Pardon my longwindedness ...

thanks for the comment. <br />
im doing alot better than i was, but still sad...

Now that is reality :( ... I'm so sorry for you ...