I really don't care who reads this, I'm not looking for sympathy of any kind. I just need to tell someone... And maybe some one will take the time to read this. It's not that I don't have any friends just the two I have I don't want to bother them with it. One is a newer friend and I just don't want him to think I'm being emo or depressed. The other wouldn't understand how I feel.

So I won't use names, but the long short of it. . . I had a friend who was my world, she was my rock when life got hard. I will start from the beginning I suppose.

It started in 4th grade, (for the sake of keeping it nameless I will refer to myself as Kytty.) I had just moved from Texas to live with my mom and siblings. My step mom at the time hard mentally hurt me. I didn't talk to anyone and was always alone. She had thrown away anything I had down there or sold it as I watch. So I was pretty messed up, (thanks to my type of thinking, I had hide myself away and put out a front.) I thought I would need no one ever again I didn't want to get hurt. I wouldn't talk to my family I ate maybe 4 to 5 bites of food then would leave. When school started I found My desk and tucked my head in my arms. I figured if I seemed asleep I would be left alone. I wasn't long after that I found myself watching from the shadows of the classroom no one wanted me in there group because of how cold I was to people.

I think it was two weeks after school had started I was hiding under the play-set watching the other kids play when a girl came up to me. I gave her a side glance but wasn't going to acknowledge the fact she was there. (I will call her Clover.) Clover had been watching me and instead of being bitter to how I treated the others she thought I just need a friend. She said hi and crawled under the set with me, she talked to me and I just sat there hoping praying she would go away. . . But she didn't she kept talking to me the rest of the day and the week to come. I Opened up to her kinda slowly but after a while I was her best friend and she was mine.

It was weird to think how fast I took to her, Clover was everything to me and I would hurt anyone who made her cry. We were close all through 4th and half into 5th. Even though in 5th we weren't in the same class. One day she was telling me her head hurt real bad and I was so worried. At the time I had thought she had just hadn't slept real well or something simple like that. I took her to the office and told the nurse that she had been saying this for most of the day. (What I hadn't known was that was the last time I would see her. (The person I had come to love so much) Two weeks passed and not once did she come to school, I abandoned my friends that I had made with her and closed everyone out. On the weekend of the second week Clover's mom brought me some pretty bad news. My friend brain cancer. =( Clover would no longer be coming to school for the rest of the year. That day I had been playing with the only person I hadn't zoned out. (Lets call her Deem, she was a younger than me and kinda looked up to me. The nickname came from when we would play and I would say my nickname was demon.) Anyway Deem had known clover too but not like I had. All except for her, I made myself a promise that I wouldn't make anymore friends until she came back. And I stuck with it for a long while. . . But there will always be that one person that can't take a hint.

In 7th grade Clover came back to school as a survivor of cancer. I was so excited to see her and play and talk. But who I found waiting for me was a spoiled brat who hit me in the head and yelled at people. Even though I knew I should have been there for her I did my best not to have sleep over anymore or anything that would be outside of school. As much as I didn't want to get hit I was there for her as much as possible. It hurt because she didn't notice if I was sad anymore she didn't talk about the what if we use to. She just acted like everyone else.

Clover and I were normally still talking or hanging out at school but One day she asked to come over and I said I had things to do... (It is a lie I will never forget and it burns into my heart every time I remember it.) After that we moved to the next town for a bit and when we finally moved back. I met her sister at the store and she told me that Clover had died from something to do with the brain cancer and the treatment... I didn't even cry (when I think about it it had really sunk in and it finally did 2 years later.)

When it did I felt guilty and like it was my fault, If only I had shown her that I was there for her. Or took the time to call her and tell her the thing I was doing and just told her she was important to me. Now this eats at me and I found that I can't forgive myself. Part of me is still hiding waiting for her to come back... So there it is my feelings that I can't ever let go of.

For anyone who has a friend going through a rough point in life, at least remind them that you are there and they mean a lot to you. Because you really never know what the last words you say to them will be...
TypoKytty TypoKytty
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 18, 2014

*hug you super tight* I'm so sorry :(

:3 thanks

That, is so sad. :-(

I feel worse for her, I never told her she was my best friend i was to caught up in... My life....