I Killed Me


i usually cant remember what happens in my dreams. i wake up knowing i had one but cant recall anything from it. i can usually tell if it was a good one or a bad one by the way i feel.

in 2003, i had a disturbing dream. when i was a kid i had the usual nightmares of being naked at school, falling, being unable to run away from some dark figure or even scream. but this one was different.

it was the year i moved to alaska, which was the part of my life i went through the most change. the nightmare i had was at the end of a longer dream where i  was in some kind of adventure, im sure. the part i vividly remember takes place in a small indescript room with two couches on opposing walls, facing eachother. on one couch sits myself. on the other couch sits me. so im looking through my eyes, accross the room at what is either my identical twin, my clone, or my alternate-reality-me. now for whatever reason, a fight  breaks out between myself and me and quickly escalates to a stuggle over a pocket knife i somehow produced. {i remember the knife well. it was a razor sharp tech-looking c.r.k.t. pocket knife with a 3.5 inch half serrated blade that i owned and carried around daily at the time} me was struggling to keep my knife from being used on him. the struggle was brief but intense and ended with my knife firmly on his throat. i then savagely began cutting at his throat with the sort of awkward back and forth motion that using a small blade on someones neck would produce. the throat cutting was over with quickly too. i sat back down on my couch and exitedly looked accross the room at me, holding his throat, gurgling, blood running out of his mouth, through his fingers and around his hand, his eyes awash with tears and panic. my body quivers with leftover adrenaline, concious of the gravity of what just took place. my hand tightly grips the pocket knife and shakes and has surprisingly little blood on it. sitting accross the room, on the adjasent couch is me, a bloody dead guy with an expression of placid despair frozen onto his face. his skin rapidly starts to discolor and his hand that was trying so hard to stop the flow of blood from his neck limply falls to his lap. his head turns slightly to the right.


and about a week ago i had another strange one.

like the dream i just described, the events i remember from this particular dream happened at the end of a long adventure-tipe dream. i was in the house i work 5 days a week in, in the hall that attatches my clients part of the house to the kitchen. (im an in home care provider. my client has a big, heavy 26,000dollar power wheelchair) im in my clients part of the  house, facing down the hall to the kitchen. there is a man in the hall holding a large, almost cartoonish butchers knife. i cant remembver who the man is, but i remember thinking i knew him. he was tall and had a sort of ominous presence to him. the man then turns to wall next to him and puts his arms into the wall, up to his biceps. the wall is undamaged by this, like hes a ghost, like in movies when the actors put their hands through a force field or like in the movie stargate. he then reaches back through the wall with the butchers knife and begins calmly and deliberately cutting himself in half at the lower abdomen. it was graphic and bloody, with guts and organs getting cut open and falling out but only falling to knee level because theyre still attatched with fleshy, sinewy stuff. i dont remember him actually halfing himself and falling to the floor in 2 pieces, just the hacking and disemboweling. the dream then shifts to my clients' guide dog, a gorgeus, well-trained golden retriever laying in the hallway in a bloody heap, obviously dead. then there is deep grief felt by all. i felt so sad. then after that part there is somebody i cant identify holding 2 puppies. the person says in an indescript voice; "from death, there is life." i woke up with that line repeating itself in my head and that was how i was able to remember what i could from that dream.

VomitEnema VomitEnema
26-30, M
2 Responses May 6, 2010

lol i'd tell you to go **** yourself, but you already did!! jk

You dreamed you met yourself and you killed yourself? Hey, love, don't hate. <br />
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I dreamt once that I met myself in my dream too. We then had sex. <br />
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I told my girlfriend and she said it just means I fancy myself :)